Deadly Confession
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Taking Care of Business"Family secrets can be your worst nightmare.
8 total reviews
Comment from apky
Well, youĂ?ve started a new story that promises to be complicated and racy.
I enjoyed the read and look forward to the next chapter. Excellent story weaving, Misty.
(Jumping out of her vehicle - yeah, here I come again with my aversion to -ing verbs again. Why not skip that and just say it: Rachel jumps out of her vehicle and runs to the injured man. Huh?), Rachel runs to the injured man.
Sergeant, Detective, There's(there's- with lower case T) been a shooting at Dollar General.
towards their Captain.(insert space)"Sir, that was Detective Webb
"Not yet."... "The matter is more complicated than you thought,"
Suggestions: "Not yet... The matter is more complicated than you thought,"
"That's not including the sizable bonus that you'll receive for taking care of this matter on such short notice(delete-.")... (delete-")Talk to you soon, Frank."
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2018
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Well, youĂ?ve started a new story that promises to be complicated and racy.
I enjoyed the read and look forward to the next chapter. Excellent story weaving, Misty.
(Jumping out of her vehicle - yeah, here I come again with my aversion to -ing verbs again. Why not skip that and just say it: Rachel jumps out of her vehicle and runs to the injured man. Huh?), Rachel runs to the injured man.
Sergeant, Detective, There's(there's- with lower case T) been a shooting at Dollar General.
towards their Captain.(insert space)"Sir, that was Detective Webb
"Not yet."... "The matter is more complicated than you thought,"
Suggestions: "Not yet... The matter is more complicated than you thought,"
"That's not including the sizable bonus that you'll receive for taking care of this matter on such short notice(delete-.")... (delete-")Talk to you soon, Frank."
Comment Written 30-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2018
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Thank you for such a fabulous review and for all your help. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I do have a question about your suggestion. In a dialogue to show a pause in the conversation, show someone else is talking on the other side of the phone you use an ellipsis right? So wouldn't that be the start of a new conversation? I'm confused yet again. A state I find myself in quite often, lol.
Thank you again for such a wonderful review and for all your help, support and friendship it always means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Good opener, drawing the reader in. Nice juxtaposition of the lovely day with the sudden burst of violence.
They're checking security footage from the dinner now. - diner.
I tell a shopkeeper to call 911 and give chase."- may need a comma after 911 otherwise it reads as if she told the shopkeeper to give chase.
Messes that an amateur criminal wouldn't find himself in - is amateur correct here?
Luigi decided to peruse the matter a different way. - perhaps pursue here rather than peruse.
hospital parking lot in hopes he'll find the Maroni's- no apostrophe needed here.
I can't believe the Maroni's - same thing here.
Taking care of her will be easy money, he thinks, as he climbs into his car - need closing punctuation here.
A departure from the wronged woman trope here. Should be interesting.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Hi there,
Good opener, drawing the reader in. Nice juxtaposition of the lovely day with the sudden burst of violence.
They're checking security footage from the dinner now. - diner.
I tell a shopkeeper to call 911 and give chase."- may need a comma after 911 otherwise it reads as if she told the shopkeeper to give chase.
Messes that an amateur criminal wouldn't find himself in - is amateur correct here?
Luigi decided to peruse the matter a different way. - perhaps pursue here rather than peruse.
hospital parking lot in hopes he'll find the Maroni's- no apostrophe needed here.
I can't believe the Maroni's - same thing here.
Taking care of her will be easy money, he thinks, as he climbs into his car - need closing punctuation here.
A departure from the wronged woman trope here. Should be interesting.
All the best
G
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Thank you for your very helpful review. I decided to let the female serial killers rest up a bit let the men have their turn.
You asked if amateur is correct, the spelling is correct, meaning appropriate, (a person who is inept, incompetent) so what am I missing, please explain.
Thank you again for all your help and support, it means so much to me, take care.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
A new mystery for the police. This ones seems dangerous to the police as it sounds as if a hit has been placed on Rachel. This is not good. Well done. I saw no errors. Looking forward to more. Rox
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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A new mystery for the police. This ones seems dangerous to the police as it sounds as if a hit has been placed on Rachel. This is not good. Well done. I saw no errors. Looking forward to more. Rox
Comment Written 27-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and all of your encouragement. Rachel has gotten herself into danger again. Something she seems very good at doing.
Thank you again for all your support it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Marvin Calloway
This is a well written story.
It might just be me, but 'toward' sounds more professional than 'towards'.
It could use a few more commas.
Second para: she thinks, as she
the air, as she
After 4th para: Rachel instructs, as she darts
(Maybe too many 'as shes.')
Near the end: parent be that cold, that heartless
Marv
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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This is a well written story.
It might just be me, but 'toward' sounds more professional than 'towards'.
It could use a few more commas.
Second para: she thinks, as she
the air, as she
After 4th para: Rachel instructs, as she darts
(Maybe too many 'as shes.')
Near the end: parent be that cold, that heartless
Marv
Comment Written 27-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Thank you for your wonderful review and for all your help I really do appreciate all your suggestions. I will definitely add commas and look into the as she's, add it to my list.
Thank you again for all your help and support, it means a lot to me, take care.
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Glad I could be of some help.
Marv
Comment from Poemster98
It's pretty good, definitely something I'd like to see more of, but I'm not sure if you don't want to give more to the reader. You may want to expand on all the ideas a little more. Don't be afraid to let us really get a picture of what is happening. I get the fact you want it to be fast paced, but I felt like I had to read over things two or three times to get a good handle on things
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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It's pretty good, definitely something I'd like to see more of, but I'm not sure if you don't want to give more to the reader. You may want to expand on all the ideas a little more. Don't be afraid to let us really get a picture of what is happening. I get the fact you want it to be fast paced, but I felt like I had to read over things two or three times to get a good handle on things
Comment Written 27-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Thank you for your kind review. I'm glad that you found it interesting.I'll try to more descriptive in the following chapters. Thank you again for your helpful review, I appreciate the feedback, take care.
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
Enthralling and captivating, the plot line and characters are strong and have plenty depth, it was entertaining for me and left the reader wanting more, thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Enthralling and captivating, the plot line and characters are strong and have plenty depth, it was entertaining for me and left the reader wanting more, thanks for sharing
Comment Written 27-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and for your encouraging words. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you again for such a kind review, your praise means so much to me, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
Ah it's good you are keeping the familiar characters plus a mystery man who seems to be after Rachel for a reason we don't know about Yet
Great start for another one of your crime mystery novels
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
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Hello Mistydawn
Ah it's good you are keeping the familiar characters plus a mystery man who seems to be after Rachel for a reason we don't know about Yet
Great start for another one of your crime mystery novels
Comment Written 27-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
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Thank you for your great review. I'm wanting to make the Berryville detectives a series. I figure this way I can continue to play with my imaginary friends. They've really grown on me, lol.
Rachel is being chased because she can ID the shooter, she saw him run to the woods. He hired Leo the hitman to take care of her.
Thank you again for all your help and support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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You are so welcome Mistydawn
Gert
Comment from royowen
There's been a shooting right in front of Rachel's eyes, and the only problem with that is that Rachel has also become a target herself, good stars to a new stout,my friend, well done, blesings, Rpy
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
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There's been a shooting right in front of Rachel's eyes, and the only problem with that is that Rachel has also become a target herself, good stars to a new stout,my friend, well done, blesings, Rpy
Comment Written 27-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for your great review. I'm pleased you like the beginning of this story. I hope I can keep your interest to the end.
Thank you again for your kind review, friendship and support, they mean so much to me, take care.
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