Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 85 "Chapter Sechsundzwanzig Part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
22 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It must be awful to have to do what you're told. Being a female in many religions means you are second class and have to do what your parents regarding a relationship, and later, your husband tells you what you can and can't do. I couldn't live like that. I suppose if you are born into a life like that, you get used to it. Like Shana is trying to do now. But I think she will fail miserably. She must see what is in her heart and act on that. It doesn't make you a sinner to be with the person you love, surely?? I can't wait to read on. :) Sandra. xxxx
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
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It must be awful to have to do what you're told. Being a female in many religions means you are second class and have to do what your parents regarding a relationship, and later, your husband tells you what you can and can't do. I couldn't live like that. I suppose if you are born into a life like that, you get used to it. Like Shana is trying to do now. But I think she will fail miserably. She must see what is in her heart and act on that. It doesn't make you a sinner to be with the person you love, surely?? I can't wait to read on. :) Sandra. xxxx
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I would fail miserably at trying to be told what to do.
Comment from Zue65
Oh my, I am melting in the exchange of conversations between Drew and Shana. I just hope Shana will finally muster to forget her Jewish faith for it has nothing to do with how she felt for Drew. Keep writing more.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
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Oh my, I am melting in the exchange of conversations between Drew and Shana. I just hope Shana will finally muster to forget her Jewish faith for it has nothing to do with how she felt for Drew. Keep writing more.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
It seems that things are heading towards decision time for Shana, my guess is those Jewish traditions will be heading out the window, where they belong, this is the closest its come to a head, beautiful episode Barbara, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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It seems that things are heading towards decision time for Shana, my guess is those Jewish traditions will be heading out the window, where they belong, this is the closest its come to a head, beautiful episode Barbara, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review, Shana is struggling that's for sure
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That's true
Comment from Ben Colder
This is what I call tough love. Takes awhile but it will mature. Looks as if Jewish culture will compromise. I had a friend once who faced the same but he was Jewish, she was Gentile. Yep, Tough love. Well done Barb/
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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This is what I call tough love. Takes awhile but it will mature. Looks as if Jewish culture will compromise. I had a friend once who faced the same but he was Jewish, she was Gentile. Yep, Tough love. Well done Barb/
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. It will get tougher for Shana.
Comment from rama devi
Glad you could spend your vacation with family. Hope you had a great time. I've been only reviewing intermittently lately...but your chapters never fail to pull me in in spite of not reading all of them in a row.
The emotional pitch is high in this one. This is a similar situation for women in India who have arranged marriages and families that still can't accept love marriages. Good exploration of the theme. Good pacing and true to life dialog and characterization.
Some spag:
*Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she said under her breath.(,) "That song was too personal. Zack did it on purpose, didn't he?"
He motioned her to go. "You'll find the words."
*"We wouldn't want to upset Benjamin again, would we? We'll talk out here. Have a seat." Anderson motioned toward a rocker.
I think it might be ideal to make the action tag come in the middle here:
"We wouldn't want to upset Benjamin again, would we? We'll talk out here." Anderson motioned toward a rocker. "Have a seat."
* delete WERE:
Anderson sat with legs were spread apart.
*
Shana knelt before him. "Every day(,) you look at me like I'm the most amazing woman you've ever met.
*
"I feel I've hurt you(,) and I never want to do that."
*
"I can't ignore the Jewish part. I've tried(,) and it won't go away."
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Glad you could spend your vacation with family. Hope you had a great time. I've been only reviewing intermittently lately...but your chapters never fail to pull me in in spite of not reading all of them in a row.
The emotional pitch is high in this one. This is a similar situation for women in India who have arranged marriages and families that still can't accept love marriages. Good exploration of the theme. Good pacing and true to life dialog and characterization.
Some spag:
*Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she said under her breath.(,) "That song was too personal. Zack did it on purpose, didn't he?"
He motioned her to go. "You'll find the words."
*"We wouldn't want to upset Benjamin again, would we? We'll talk out here. Have a seat." Anderson motioned toward a rocker.
I think it might be ideal to make the action tag come in the middle here:
"We wouldn't want to upset Benjamin again, would we? We'll talk out here." Anderson motioned toward a rocker. "Have a seat."
* delete WERE:
Anderson sat with legs were spread apart.
*
Shana knelt before him. "Every day(,) you look at me like I'm the most amazing woman you've ever met.
*
"I feel I've hurt you(,) and I never want to do that."
*
"I can't ignore the Jewish part. I've tried(,) and it won't go away."
Love,
rd
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Thaank you for the kind review. I have made the corrections. Thank you for the help.
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:-)))
Comment from giraffmang
Anderson sat with legs were spread apart.- delete 'were' here.
and you said you it's your turn." - delete the repetition of 'you' here.
Watch out for the repetitive actions. I know why it's done here but the raising and lowering of eyes is pretty much all of the beats here.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Anderson sat with legs were spread apart.- delete 'were' here.
and you said you it's your turn." - delete the repetition of 'you' here.
Watch out for the repetitive actions. I know why it's done here but the raising and lowering of eyes is pretty much all of the beats here.
All the best
G
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I've made the corrections.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. The emotional tension between Shana and Anderson appears to be coming to a head, with him willing to discuss matters and Shana
not so much. Looking forward to where this will go between both characters as well as seeing how it affects Anderson mission to protect her. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. The emotional tension between Shana and Anderson appears to be coming to a head, with him willing to discuss matters and Shana
not so much. Looking forward to where this will go between both characters as well as seeing how it affects Anderson mission to protect her. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
Good seeing you back. I missed your wonderful story and I like very much the way it seems to be heading, at last. No spags and keep up your wonderful writing.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Good seeing you back. I missed your wonderful story and I like very much the way it seems to be heading, at last. No spags and keep up your wonderful writing.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cybertron1986
I'm glad I took the time to read your chapter. Usually I tend to hesitate when I can't start off from the very beginning. You exhibit great command of story flow, voice, grammar, and reader appeal through developing a clear and appealing conversation between your two characters. All of which equal to a six star story. Very well done
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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I'm glad I took the time to read your chapter. Usually I tend to hesitate when I can't start off from the very beginning. You exhibit great command of story flow, voice, grammar, and reader appeal through developing a clear and appealing conversation between your two characters. All of which equal to a six star story. Very well done
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I'm glad you took time to read.
Comment from meeshu
the conflict in some devout orthodox families is a very real issue. my brother converted to marry a Jewish girl. lots of hurdles and laws. it worked though, 36 yrs..............good writing, thought provoking, Barbara........meeshu
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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the conflict in some devout orthodox families is a very real issue. my brother converted to marry a Jewish girl. lots of hurdles and laws. it worked though, 36 yrs..............good writing, thought provoking, Barbara........meeshu
Comment Written 09-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2018
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Thank you for the kind review and understanding.
