Reviews from

The Milk Run

An episode from my childhood

6 total reviews 
Comment from lyenochka
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Oh what a sweet story! I'm so glad that the kind Mrs. Fraser and her daughter, Rhoda were able to dress you properly. It's sad that you were neglected. The youngest sister usually gets lots of hand-me-downs. I guess your mother was too busy with a baby to make sure all her children looked presentable.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018
    Dear Friend, thank you for your review and the five stars. Yes, I was the one in the middle, too young to be included with the older children and too old to be treated like a baby. It lasted all my childhood until I went to work. Not long after I began earning a weekly wage, I found Lamar Lingerie store and became a regular client. I bought all my underwear from there, nightgowns and pajamas , lovely lace trimmed blouses and elegant knitwear. There was another store not far along from LaMar where they made skirts and dresses. I found they'd make my skirts to fit so I went there if I couldn't find anything to suit me in the stores. My father wasn't at all happy with me becoming so clothes conscious, but it was fun while it lasted cheers Cass
Comment from brenda faye curtis
This work has reached the exceptional level

It's amazing how these simple moment change our lives forever. You received unconditional love, thoughtful gifts, and a clear message that you are a human being who matters. I'm very happy you had this experience, and I hope you have a blessed day!

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2018

reply by the author on 17-Aug-2018
    Dear Brenda. Thank you for your review and the awesome SIX stars. Yes, you are quite right in your assessment of the kindness shown to me that day. They were lovely people who lived their Christian faith in every facet of life. Douglas went on to become a minister and another daughter married a man of the cloth. We left there about a year later and moved to the city.cheers Cass
reply by brenda faye curtis on 18-Aug-2018
    You are most welcome, and thank you for the update on those wonderful people!
Comment from BeasPeas
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Cass. What a wonderful story. You've described the circumstances well and I was brought right into the scene. Congratulations on winning third. Marilyn

 Comment Written 12-Jul-2018

reply by the author on 12-Jul-2018
    Dear Marilyn, Thank you for your review and the five stars.I was really surprised to get that far, because the other entries were very good. It is a good writer's discipline to have to keep within a certain number of words, so I did about a dozen drafts and re-writes until I had what I wanted. Thanks again. your comments are generous and most welcome Cheers Cass
reply by BeasPeas on 12-Jul-2018
    You are so welcome. Marilyn
Comment from kathleenspalding
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is a lovely and well written story - very heartwarming, and even more impressive that it's true. A couple typos - there are a few more places that could use commas if you want to be grammatically perfect, but given the current war on commas, I only remarked on the ones I felt were necessary . Good luck in the contest!

My elder sisters,[[insert space]]Bonnie and Millie[[insert comma]]

I plodded off in Bonnie's wake[[,]] feeling as I usually

Rhoda brushed my hair out of my eyes and said[[, bring the next line up here.]

Mrs. Fraser bustled in with Bonnie in tow. [[bring the next line up here]]

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2018

reply by the author on 11-Jul-2018
    Dear Kathleen, Thank you for your review and the AWESOME SIX STARS. The corrections have been noted and will be fixed as soon as voting has finished. I thought I was doing it correctly, and although I didn't really like the look of it I went along as you've seen. Thanks for letting me know. 'Cos now I'll do it right. cheers Cass
reply by kathleenspalding on 11-Jul-2018
    You're welcome. Anytime you have a grammar or punctuation question, Grammar Girl is a great site. (PS It's okay to change it anytime during the contest and voting.)
Comment from Sallyo
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very well told piece. It moves well, and conjures the scene beautifully. There's nothing wasted, and no piled-on detail. The errors I found were in punctuation and formatting.
A few of them follow:
sisters, Bonnie

Good Heavens" she said
Good Heavens," she said

and called "Rhoda".
and called, "Rhoda!"

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2018

Comment from giraffmang
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

A good entry for the competition here. Just a little tidy up-

My elder sisters,Bonnie and Millie were going for the milk - need a space following the comma and should be a corresponding comma (appositive comma) after the names as well.

Suddenly Millie, the younger of the two slipped over - should have a comma after 'two' (same rule as above).

Bonnie the elder girl put on such a turn - the elder girl is redundant here as you've already established this, but if you are going to use it, there should be commas either side (as per the rule about appositive commas).

It may be an idea to mention earlier about it raining.

"Good Heavens" she said, surveying - insert a comma before the closing speech marks.

"Take this child" she said - same thing here.

"Take this child" she said, gesturing to me, " Find her some - delete the space before find, also it should be lower case as it is continuing dialogue where the previous hasn't been closed off.

"Look ," turning me delete the space before the comma.

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2018