In the Dark of Night
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Into the Realm of Vampires"Poems and stories about urban legends.
3 total reviews
Comment from LaFrance
Your poem is an excellent example of this contest. Excellent story told in rhyme. For such an epic of horror, the stanzas kept the adventurous pace exciting.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2018
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Your poem is an excellent example of this contest. Excellent story told in rhyme. For such an epic of horror, the stanzas kept the adventurous pace exciting.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for the rating and your kind, encouraging words.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Whoa!! That is an epistle, LOL. What a journey. I think it is an original poem for the 'story poem' competition and best of luck. I don't' have suggestions for improvement, and you create a lot of imagery that is very striking and appropriate. Thanks for sharing your writing, which I'd recommend to other readers for review, Ana
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2018
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Whoa!! That is an epistle, LOL. What a journey. I think it is an original poem for the 'story poem' competition and best of luck. I don't' have suggestions for improvement, and you create a lot of imagery that is very striking and appropriate. Thanks for sharing your writing, which I'd recommend to other readers for review, Ana
Comment Written 05-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2018
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Thank you so much for the rating and your review.
Comment from Van
Well, it's a story for sure and an industrious undertaking at that.
unnerving feeling haunted het[her] still;
had been her fianc�??�?�©. [copy paste functions need thorough proofing]
A point to note: In my opinion, switching sentence structure to force the rhyme at the end of a line detracts from the overall readability when that structure is erratically placed throughout the work and not consistently used.
Here's an example:
This stanza sounds natural and flows well-
The priest pleaded for anyone with the right stuff
to step forward if they were indeed brave enough
and volunteer for this extremely dangerous chore
to battle it out with this creature of lore,
Then in contrast to the above stanza, the author forces structure switches by putting the verbs at the end of the line to force rhymes and detracts from the poem. (again...It's just my opinion)
A fury of grizzled fur at Dailor attacks,
but it's access to the vampire's throat he lacks.
Blood shed between the two combatants did thus ensue
till against the wall the man turned wolf flew.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2018
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Well, it's a story for sure and an industrious undertaking at that.
unnerving feeling haunted het[her] still;
had been her fianc�??�?�©. [copy paste functions need thorough proofing]
A point to note: In my opinion, switching sentence structure to force the rhyme at the end of a line detracts from the overall readability when that structure is erratically placed throughout the work and not consistently used.
Here's an example:
This stanza sounds natural and flows well-
The priest pleaded for anyone with the right stuff
to step forward if they were indeed brave enough
and volunteer for this extremely dangerous chore
to battle it out with this creature of lore,
Then in contrast to the above stanza, the author forces structure switches by putting the verbs at the end of the line to force rhymes and detracts from the poem. (again...It's just my opinion)
A fury of grizzled fur at Dailor attacks,
but it's access to the vampire's throat he lacks.
Blood shed between the two combatants did thus ensue
till against the wall the man turned wolf flew.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2018
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Thank you for your rating and comments. Have thought about that myself though I have read poetry of the same style. Will take your criticism into consideration.
