Charlatan
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Charlatan - Chapter One"Mercury Morris in the case of the rogue mandroid
16 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a good beginning to a promising story. It's well-written, interesting descriptive. The characters and dialogue seem real. I found one small error Instantantly, instantly?
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
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This is a good beginning to a promising story. It's well-written, interesting descriptive. The characters and dialogue seem real. I found one small error Instantantly, instantly?
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
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Appreciate the catch. Glad you enjoyed this chapter and appreciate the review.
Comment from tfawcus
Fast paced, believable dialogue enhances the narrative here, as does Detective Mercury Morris's detailed knowledge of the stages of decay the human body goes through after death and their meaning in terms of establishing a time of death. I'm assuming from the incidental aside introducing Trey Hamilton by name, that the medical intern has a future part to play in the story.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
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Fast paced, believable dialogue enhances the narrative here, as does Detective Mercury Morris's detailed knowledge of the stages of decay the human body goes through after death and their meaning in terms of establishing a time of death. I'm assuming from the incidental aside introducing Trey Hamilton by name, that the medical intern has a future part to play in the story.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the comments and the review.
Comment from mally mack
This is not normally the type of reading that I do. However the photo caught my eye because it reminded me of transformers. I think this is well written. There's just a couple commas that are misplaced, the first was after the word and in one of your first few paragraphs. Should go in front of the word preceding it. Also I noticed a little wordiness in a couple spots. One that stuck out was "upper portion of her prominent breasts". That is a mouthful where just a couple words could sum it up.
Best Wishes
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
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This is not normally the type of reading that I do. However the photo caught my eye because it reminded me of transformers. I think this is well written. There's just a couple commas that are misplaced, the first was after the word and in one of your first few paragraphs. Should go in front of the word preceding it. Also I noticed a little wordiness in a couple spots. One that stuck out was "upper portion of her prominent breasts". That is a mouthful where just a couple words could sum it up.
Best Wishes
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter and appreciate the review.
Comment from LaRosa
I've come into the story in Chapter 3 ( I think) and had to come back to start from the beginning. Looks very interesting and believable.
Lucky man, you. Someone who believes in you!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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I've come into the story in Chapter 3 ( I think) and had to come back to start from the beginning. Looks very interesting and believable.
Lucky man, you. Someone who believes in you!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Thanks.
Comment from Zue65
You are very lucky to have a very supportive son and yes, he is right you have the gift for writing prose. I enjoy reading the story about the mystery of the death of Eleanor Morton and the suspect Ryan Bloomberg. Thanks for sharing your talent to the readers.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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You are very lucky to have a very supportive son and yes, he is right you have the gift for writing prose. I enjoy reading the story about the mystery of the death of Eleanor Morton and the suspect Ryan Bloomberg. Thanks for sharing your talent to the readers.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Appreciate your review.
Comment from Sandra Elizabeth Williams
Excellent writing skills, you have kept me interested.
Please express my thanks to Danny, for had it not been for him I would not have met you.
I will keep tuned for more...
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2018
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Excellent writing skills, you have kept me interested.
Please express my thanks to Danny, for had it not been for him I would not have met you.
I will keep tuned for more...
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my story. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and pen a review.
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It was my pleasure.
Comment from robyn corum
Brett,
Very interesting. I couldn't quite decide if this was real or false -- just part of your story (the beginning/prologue.) I'm just not sure about it, to tell the truth. The story is under the 'fiction' category, but what about that part?
Other notes:
1.) news source in the country, (Y)ahoo included, honed in on the
2.) These days, I deliberate(ly) kept a low profile to avoid such circumstances from occurring.
--> it seems like 'keep' might be more appropriate than 'avoid', though that may be a personal preference?
Thanks!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Brett,
Very interesting. I couldn't quite decide if this was real or false -- just part of your story (the beginning/prologue.) I'm just not sure about it, to tell the truth. The story is under the 'fiction' category, but what about that part?
Other notes:
1.) news source in the country, (Y)ahoo included, honed in on the
2.) These days, I deliberate(ly) kept a low profile to avoid such circumstances from occurring.
--> it seems like 'keep' might be more appropriate than 'avoid', though that may be a personal preference?
Thanks!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Much appreciated.
Comment from judiverse
If I may, I don't think you need that lengthy introduction about the son's commenting on the writing. He seems a tad young to be a literary critic, anyway. I think I'd have preferred you just getting into the story. It promises to be intriguing, with the life of a young man at stake, either gas chamber or lethal injection. (I didn't know there was a choice.) Great description of the narrator. The fedora really capped it for me. I knew the retired investigator was ready to answer the call and take on yet another case. Great beginning. I'll be curious to know who made the call that drew him in. judi
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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If I may, I don't think you need that lengthy introduction about the son's commenting on the writing. He seems a tad young to be a literary critic, anyway. I think I'd have preferred you just getting into the story. It promises to be intriguing, with the life of a young man at stake, either gas chamber or lethal injection. (I didn't know there was a choice.) Great description of the narrator. The fedora really capped it for me. I knew the retired investigator was ready to answer the call and take on yet another case. Great beginning. I'll be curious to know who made the call that drew him in. judi
Comment Written 06-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Thanks.
Comment from Cass Carlton
Dear Brett I think the use of "I" is incorrect . I suggest you rewrite it as
The little sprite and me
deliberately. You left the "ly" off the end
Two Rolaids -----" couple" not coupe.
That's all I can find. The story looks as interesting as its introduction. Well written with clear , realistic characters. Nice work cheers Cass
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Dear Brett I think the use of "I" is incorrect . I suggest you rewrite it as
The little sprite and me
deliberately. You left the "ly" off the end
Two Rolaids -----" couple" not coupe.
That's all I can find. The story looks as interesting as its introduction. Well written with clear , realistic characters. Nice work cheers Cass
Comment Written 05-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate your review.
Comment from Ricky1024
"Marion County was well written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well.
Adjective Content was aligned well with Objective Content and Descriptive Measures were perfect.
Good luck with this Brett and have a blessed day.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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"Marion County was well written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well.
Adjective Content was aligned well with Objective Content and Descriptive Measures were perfect.
Good luck with this Brett and have a blessed day.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today
Comment Written 02-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2018
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Thanks. Appreciate the review.
