A Roadmap Through Paradise
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Incompatible"short stories
8 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
E
I enjoyed your well written story. Although it was long, I was engaged from start to finish. The progression was handled well. Your story read like a real life narration of the love story between these tow. I see nothing to change. Everything fit into place in a well-organized, timely way. I believe this probably has happened to several relationships. Great job & thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2018
  |
E
I enjoyed your well written story. Although it was long, I was engaged from start to finish. The progression was handled well. Your story read like a real life narration of the love story between these tow. I see nothing to change. Everything fit into place in a well-organized, timely way. I believe this probably has happened to several relationships. Great job & thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 30-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2018
-
Thanks again for the exceptional review I appreciate the support and all your wonderful comments supporting the story. I try to capture the experience of living today, with all its hopes and dreams, and realities. estory
Comment from Ulla
Hi estory, this is a great piece of writing, and yes, relationship are not what they used to be. Women today are independent as men have always been, and I think that is a good thing and about time. But having said that, a marriage is a set of promises and give and take. And I think Karen only took, never gave, and that is a sad state of affairs.
A couple of things to look at:
caf�© = Fanstory can't do the proper writing so has to be 'cafe'
she asked me once, when we were laying out in the grass by the pool.= when we were lying out in the grass by the pool
How am I supposed to pay al the bills here, = How am I supposed to pay all the bills here.
Very well written and gave me food for thought. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
 |
Hi estory, this is a great piece of writing, and yes, relationship are not what they used to be. Women today are independent as men have always been, and I think that is a good thing and about time. But having said that, a marriage is a set of promises and give and take. And I think Karen only took, never gave, and that is a sad state of affairs.
A couple of things to look at:
caf�© = Fanstory can't do the proper writing so has to be 'cafe'
she asked me once, when we were laying out in the grass by the pool.= when we were lying out in the grass by the pool
How am I supposed to pay al the bills here, = How am I supposed to pay all the bills here.
Very well written and gave me food for thought. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 29-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
-
Thank you so much for the excellent rating and your interesting perspective on the story. I am glad you thought it so well written and that you enjoyed it. Selfish attitudes don't work in relationships. estory
-
I totally agree:)
Comment from Yemima Kebede1
Wow! This is incredible. Thank you so much for sharing this. You are such a good novelist. Keep up the amazing work that you do and I hope you have a blessed weekend. Well done!
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
|
Wow! This is incredible. Thank you so much for sharing this. You are such a good novelist. Keep up the amazing work that you do and I hope you have a blessed weekend. Well done!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
-
Thanks for the five star review and for your wonderful comments supporting this piece I appreciate it. Glad you thought it so well written and that you enjoyed. it. estory
Comment from apky
Sorry I'm taking time off so this is to let you know I won't be reviewing for a bit.
This one was browsed over and found to be a lot of fun. I'd need some time to be able to give a comprehensive review, but...
Sorry, in a tearing hurry.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
|
Sorry I'm taking time off so this is to let you know I won't be reviewing for a bit.
This one was browsed over and found to be a lot of fun. I'd need some time to be able to give a comprehensive review, but...
Sorry, in a tearing hurry.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
-
Good luck with your sabitical catch you on the flip side estory
Comment from Mary Jane Y
This is a story for this period of history. People are so me minded that they have no time for others. It is very sad how everyone is so self centered these days. You showed the reality of what problems marriages can have when people get so caught up in their our lives as if they were still single , without any thought of how it affects the person they are married to.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
|
This is a story for this period of history. People are so me minded that they have no time for others. It is very sad how everyone is so self centered these days. You showed the reality of what problems marriages can have when people get so caught up in their our lives as if they were still single , without any thought of how it affects the person they are married to.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
-
I think you got this story exactly, and I am glad you were able to do that from the writing. thanks so much for the five star review and your wonderful support. estory
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I liked this piece. It's not an enjoyable read as such given the tone and content. There is an undercurrent of melancholia threaded through it right from the start, so you sort of know where it's going but the emotion is good and the relationship rings true in its hollowness.
Few things I picked up on whilst reading through-
Then we sat in a sidewalk caf�© - needs edited for code here.
I was going to down a certain path along those stepping stones of life - perhaps delete 'to' rom here.
"Jeez," I would say, "It's almost eleven thirty. you must be practically passing out." - it's should start lower case following the tag as the previous dialogue/sentence isn't closed off.
"I don't have time for this," she said, "You're being ridiculous." - same thing here, or you could insert a full stop/period after said instead of the comma.
How am I supposed to pay al the bills here, without you? - all.
"Karen," I said, "Can you please tell me where I fit into all of this?" - same thing here about continuing dialogue.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
|
Hi there,
I liked this piece. It's not an enjoyable read as such given the tone and content. There is an undercurrent of melancholia threaded through it right from the start, so you sort of know where it's going but the emotion is good and the relationship rings true in its hollowness.
Few things I picked up on whilst reading through-
Then we sat in a sidewalk caf�© - needs edited for code here.
I was going to down a certain path along those stepping stones of life - perhaps delete 'to' rom here.
"Jeez," I would say, "It's almost eleven thirty. you must be practically passing out." - it's should start lower case following the tag as the previous dialogue/sentence isn't closed off.
"I don't have time for this," she said, "You're being ridiculous." - same thing here, or you could insert a full stop/period after said instead of the comma.
How am I supposed to pay al the bills here, without you? - all.
"Karen," I said, "Can you please tell me where I fit into all of this?" - same thing here about continuing dialogue.
All the best
G
Comment Written 28-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
-
Thanks so much for the five star review and your comments and suggestions estory
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, I enjoyed this story, your progression is good and you don't jump around with the plot. I thought the characters dialogue was your strength and the story held my attention throughout. I didn't notice any errors and think this is a very entertaining and original story I'd recommend to other readers for review, cheers Ana.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
|
Hello, I enjoyed this story, your progression is good and you don't jump around with the plot. I thought the characters dialogue was your strength and the story held my attention throughout. I didn't notice any errors and think this is a very entertaining and original story I'd recommend to other readers for review, cheers Ana.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
-
Thanks so much for the five star review and your wonderful comments supporting this piece it is so satisfying to have someone enjoy the writing and I appreciate the comments and recommendation. estory
Comment from Sandra Elizabeth Williams
A Very good story. It is demonstrative, as the author says, of the singlemindedness of people in relationships today.
Its shows compatibility in some aspects, but not all, which is what we all wish for in our relationships.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
|
A Very good story. It is demonstrative, as the author says, of the singlemindedness of people in relationships today.
Its shows compatibility in some aspects, but not all, which is what we all wish for in our relationships.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2018
-
Thanks for the five star review and for all your comments supporting the story glad you enjoyed it estory
-
You are very welcome!
