Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 83 "Chapter Funfundzwanzig Part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
18 total reviews
Comment from Ben Colder
All of this for a painting? Makes me wonder why all the trouble toward this girl. No doubt you are about to spring something on us. LOL. Another good one Barb. Call in the Marines!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2018
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All of this for a painting? Makes me wonder why all the trouble toward this girl. No doubt you are about to spring something on us. LOL. Another good one Barb. Call in the Marines!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2018
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I am, but all in due time. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Elizabeth Williams
Very good. I like the flow if the conversations, they seem natural.
The plot seems interesting also. I appreciate the layout of the characters.
I look forward to reading the entire story.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2018
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Very good. I like the flow if the conversations, they seem natural.
The plot seems interesting also. I appreciate the layout of the characters.
I look forward to reading the entire story.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome!
Comment from Sasha
They still have a big hurdle to get over, but Shana and Drew are showing signs of caring for each other more openly. I am worried for both knowing how dangerous the Russians are. They don't seem to have any interest in backing off. Nice work with this chapter I enjoyed it very much.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2018
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They still have a big hurdle to get over, but Shana and Drew are showing signs of caring for each other more openly. I am worried for both knowing how dangerous the Russians are. They don't seem to have any interest in backing off. Nice work with this chapter I enjoyed it very much.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, Barbara, :)
Good chapter to show the budding romance. I see respect and gentleness he has towards Shana. I will have to say I don't think that a security guard would risk being arrested by shoving a cop.
Have a very good week.
Nome
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018
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Hello, Barbara, :)
Good chapter to show the budding romance. I see respect and gentleness he has towards Shana. I will have to say I don't think that a security guard would risk being arrested by shoving a cop.
Have a very good week.
Nome
Comment Written 26-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018
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I agree. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. A slight touch of romance is evident in this chapter and that part is handled well.
I'm sorry but I am a bit confused on your opening paragraph. "Later that evening, Susan and Shana entered the living room. Michael glanced over his newspaper. "I've finished dinner. Are we ready to eat?"
Who has been cooking and who is ready to eat? Read it over perhaps you can fix this with a speech tag..I am not sure.
Other suggestions: Look at this block of sentences and see whatg I see. You ae seemingly (all of a sudden) preceeding action by saying "after this and after that and ai do not know why.
""I'll bet you're looking for Drew. He's on the front porch." After Shana nodded, Michael continued, "He's probably waiting for you."
( Shana nodded and Michael continued)
After releasing a deep breath, she opened the front door and pointed to an empty rocking chair. "Is it okay if I sit here or would you rather be by yourself?
(Shana sighed. She opened the front door and pointed to a rocking chair. "Is it okay if I sit here or would you rather be alone for a while?"
And: "After a partial grin crossed his lips, Anderson said, "You're good at this prying information thing. Who taught you?"
A slight grin crossed his lips. "You're good at this prying business. May I ask, who taught you?"
And: "After she nodded, he said, "Later we need to discuss the bag Jeff brought . . . ." (She nodded. "later we'll discuss the bag Jeff brought."
Sorry, I had to mark you down on this one, Barbara. If you make thge corrections I listed I will enhance the stars. :) Bob
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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018
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Hi, Barbara. A slight touch of romance is evident in this chapter and that part is handled well.
I'm sorry but I am a bit confused on your opening paragraph. "Later that evening, Susan and Shana entered the living room. Michael glanced over his newspaper. "I've finished dinner. Are we ready to eat?"
Who has been cooking and who is ready to eat? Read it over perhaps you can fix this with a speech tag..I am not sure.
Other suggestions: Look at this block of sentences and see whatg I see. You ae seemingly (all of a sudden) preceeding action by saying "after this and after that and ai do not know why.
""I'll bet you're looking for Drew. He's on the front porch." After Shana nodded, Michael continued, "He's probably waiting for you."
( Shana nodded and Michael continued)
After releasing a deep breath, she opened the front door and pointed to an empty rocking chair. "Is it okay if I sit here or would you rather be by yourself?
(Shana sighed. She opened the front door and pointed to a rocking chair. "Is it okay if I sit here or would you rather be alone for a while?"
And: "After a partial grin crossed his lips, Anderson said, "You're good at this prying information thing. Who taught you?"
A slight grin crossed his lips. "You're good at this prying business. May I ask, who taught you?"
And: "After she nodded, he said, "Later we need to discuss the bag Jeff brought . . . ." (She nodded. "later we'll discuss the bag Jeff brought."
Sorry, I had to mark you down on this one, Barbara. If you make thge corrections I listed I will enhance the stars. :) Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2018
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Who has been cooking and who is ready to eat? Read it over perhaps you can fix this with a speech tag..I am not sure. (Michael is talking because he glanced over the newspaper and it's in the same paragraph. The dinner discussed is from the previous post. I added a speech tag, but I don't see how I can add the entire previous post.)
Thank you for the review and I have made the other correction. I appreciate the help.
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" "I've finished dinner. Are we ready to eat?" (I get it that it is Michael speaking, but what does he mean? If he already finished dinner, why would he be worried about eating again? See what I mean?
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Okay, He finished it up. I'll fix it.
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I changed it to 'Dinner's ready. Are we ready to eat?' does that work?
Comment from Sankey
Excellent chapter. Good to know you have a good team of reviewers of which I am honoured to be a small part. Such good story-telling. No spags. So sorry I have taken so long to get in here. You have a way with emotions and descriptions of same. Very touching. Our Internet has been down and hopefully, the tech coming today will address some important issues as our landline phone is part of the connection.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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Excellent chapter. Good to know you have a good team of reviewers of which I am honoured to be a small part. Such good story-telling. No spags. So sorry I have taken so long to get in here. You have a way with emotions and descriptions of same. Very touching. Our Internet has been down and hopefully, the tech coming today will address some important issues as our landline phone is part of the connection.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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Internets can be a pain. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
Thank you for this latest chapter. I love the way Drew and Shana's relationship is progressing, and I'm glad Drew believes the trip to Texas may have been a bad idea. I do agree they were actually doing better in New York.
I think the new ending of the last chapter is better, but I didn't find any problems with it before. I do think to make Zachary more firm helps the reader's impression of him though.
Looking forward to more,
~patty~
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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Hi, Barbara,
Thank you for this latest chapter. I love the way Drew and Shana's relationship is progressing, and I'm glad Drew believes the trip to Texas may have been a bad idea. I do agree they were actually doing better in New York.
I think the new ending of the last chapter is better, but I didn't find any problems with it before. I do think to make Zachary more firm helps the reader's impression of him though.
Looking forward to more,
~patty~
Comment Written 25-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review and comments on the previous ending.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
How can the bad guys know where they go every time? Surely they could keep from being followed over a thousand miles. Well, at least they'll have better security. What is the goal here? Does Drew want to keep running and hiding? I think not. Does he want to kill Kuznetsov or have him arrested? But by whom? And he can't kill him... that's murder, and he'd have to prove self-defense. Pretty complicated situation you have here. Can't wait to see how you resolve it. :)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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How can the bad guys know where they go every time? Surely they could keep from being followed over a thousand miles. Well, at least they'll have better security. What is the goal here? Does Drew want to keep running and hiding? I think not. Does he want to kill Kuznetsov or have him arrested? But by whom? And he can't kill him... that's murder, and he'd have to prove self-defense. Pretty complicated situation you have here. Can't wait to see how you resolve it. :)
Comment Written 25-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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I have rewritten the ending twice, so far. Maybe I'll get it right by the time we get there. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. Anderson's self doubt of not staying in New York City forces him to second guess himself regarding Shana's security. Loved the show of concern, love between the two at the end. The question is when will Ivan Kuznetsov make his next move and how successful will it be. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. Anderson's self doubt of not staying in New York City forces him to second guess himself regarding Shana's security. Loved the show of concern, love between the two at the end. The question is when will Ivan Kuznetsov make his next move and how successful will it be. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 25-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
Good, solid continuation here. More security on the way, but perhaps a move back in the near future?
"You're wondering what I'm doing, aren't you?' - change the closing speech mark here to match the opening one.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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Hi Barbara,
Good, solid continuation here. More security on the way, but perhaps a move back in the near future?
"You're wondering what I'm doing, aren't you?' - change the closing speech mark here to match the opening one.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the catch and I am off to change it.
