Selections For Book Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Life of a Baby"possible selections for inclusion in book project
8 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, The Life of a Baby, has the inherent likeability of a baby slowly turn from our own, to animals, and then the latest horror of kids in cages. Fine social statement for the current situation.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2018
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This poem, The Life of a Baby, has the inherent likeability of a baby slowly turn from our own, to animals, and then the latest horror of kids in cages. Fine social statement for the current situation.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2018
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Thanks for the insightful review. :))
Comment from kiwijenny
Is there anything more precious
than new life
a baby bird
dreaming of cloud conquering flight
or a baby bear
laughing at bees
with a honey smile
ahh, but the limitless potential
of a human baby ...
a future peace maker
the curer of disease
a champion of justice
But also a murderer who's to know.
God bless
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Is there anything more precious
than new life
a baby bird
dreaming of cloud conquering flight
or a baby bear
laughing at bees
with a honey smile
ahh, but the limitless potential
of a human baby ...
a future peace maker
the curer of disease
a champion of justice
But also a murderer who's to know.
God bless
Comment Written 24-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Oh yes! So true. Too bad we grow up really ... well, some of us. HAHAHA! Thanks so much. :))
Comment from c_lucas
I could not read the blue on black with my old eyes. The part that I could read was very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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I could not read the blue on black with my old eyes. The part that I could read was very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Sorry about the dark ink. It's really hard to read on some screens. The lighter part is the nice part though. Thanks for the benefit of the doubt. Most kind. :))
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You're welcome.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon
This is very, very good. The whole set-up works, particularly the baby bear picture - I thought I was in for another one of 'those' reads.
The 'turn' was unexpected and worked wonderfully. The colour change of the text, to my mind, wasn't even needed, the reference to 'bombs' did it for me. However, if you keep with the colour idea perhaps the last six lines should be 'white': ie your conclusion should perhaps be neutral? Just a passing thought. Having read the piece several times, technically it is hard to offer pointers in free verse but I suspect 'cloud-conquering' should be hyphenated.
I wish you well with this, I have allocated six-stars not because it is complete, but because it already stands out. I would still encourage you to continue to work on it. There is a lot you can do here and I think it would only get better if you invested more time. The word 'poison' for example is very 'weighted' and indicates your bias, but replaced by a positive word like 'freedom' (I stress, just as an example) would maybe keep you neutral, and your point then stands to make itself. Even as a black-and-white, picture-less and left-aligned piece of writing the strength of this work would shown through.
Again, this is a very good piece.
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Hello Anon
This is very, very good. The whole set-up works, particularly the baby bear picture - I thought I was in for another one of 'those' reads.
The 'turn' was unexpected and worked wonderfully. The colour change of the text, to my mind, wasn't even needed, the reference to 'bombs' did it for me. However, if you keep with the colour idea perhaps the last six lines should be 'white': ie your conclusion should perhaps be neutral? Just a passing thought. Having read the piece several times, technically it is hard to offer pointers in free verse but I suspect 'cloud-conquering' should be hyphenated.
I wish you well with this, I have allocated six-stars not because it is complete, but because it already stands out. I would still encourage you to continue to work on it. There is a lot you can do here and I think it would only get better if you invested more time. The word 'poison' for example is very 'weighted' and indicates your bias, but replaced by a positive word like 'freedom' (I stress, just as an example) would maybe keep you neutral, and your point then stands to make itself. Even as a black-and-white, picture-less and left-aligned piece of writing the strength of this work would shown through.
Again, this is a very good piece.
cheers
phill
Comment Written 24-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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A stellar review. Wow. We really should be able to nominate more than once. Love your ideas and most pleased you fully understood and it was effective. I'll consider your suggestions, perhaps after the contest is over. Using "poison" is a bit obvious, but then I find when I'm too subtle, no one knows what I'm talking about. I suppose I shouldn't compromise what I want to say. It is frustrating when no one "gets it" though. Thanks a million! :))
Comment from Mary Hollingsworth
Your poem is so touching and will be a very sexy man of many people concerning those children that a lot behind bars like animals and now the president has decided that he's going to keep the children with their parents but so much damage has been done. It is reported that many of the children are going through psychological experiences. Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Your poem is so touching and will be a very sexy man of many people concerning those children that a lot behind bars like animals and now the president has decided that he's going to keep the children with their parents but so much damage has been done. It is reported that many of the children are going through psychological experiences. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 24-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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I so appreciate the heart you show in your review. It gives me much hope. Thank you so much for your insightful words and the wonderful review. :))
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I enjoyed reading
Comment from Possummagic
A nicely written piece of work about babies. This could be about babies anywhere be they human or animal and a mother's instinct in most cases will be to protect the life of her newborn. There are a few exceptions who having created life then leave them to fend for themselves. Nicely written.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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A nicely written piece of work about babies. This could be about babies anywhere be they human or animal and a mother's instinct in most cases will be to protect the life of her newborn. There are a few exceptions who having created life then leave them to fend for themselves. Nicely written.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Indeed, you are right on the money. Thanks for the great review and insightful comments. :))
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Thank you.PM
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, this is quite a powerful poem for Life of the ... ' contest. It is a strong social comment and I enjoyed reading and thinking about your carefully penned work.
The picture is good and sets a great tone for the poem.
This was my favorite part and though you are talking about the animals in the zoo, it could also be about humans.
'...but poison
in the land of the free
looks like honey
honey to draw animals
I noticed no errors and thanks for sharing your well-written poem, Ana.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Hello, this is quite a powerful poem for Life of the ... ' contest. It is a strong social comment and I enjoyed reading and thinking about your carefully penned work.
The picture is good and sets a great tone for the poem.
This was my favorite part and though you are talking about the animals in the zoo, it could also be about humans.
'...but poison
in the land of the free
looks like honey
honey to draw animals
I noticed no errors and thanks for sharing your well-written poem, Ana.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Very astute, it IS about humans. :))
I'm pleased you enjoyed and I appreciate your most thoughtful comments. Thanks so much. :))
Comment from nordicgirl
Wow, did you ever lull me to sleep with this one. Perfectly fine though to make your point. How we cherish innocent life and yet do want are callous to these particular lives. It shocks and saddens me. This is powerful. Well done. NG
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Wow, did you ever lull me to sleep with this one. Perfectly fine though to make your point. How we cherish innocent life and yet do want are callous to these particular lives. It shocks and saddens me. This is powerful. Well done. NG
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Thanks, NG. It shocks and saddens me too. Yet, there are quite a number of folks fully on board the Trump policy. So I'm at a loss. :))
