Momentary Mirage
A wish? a dream? 'round the bend?7 total reviews
Comment from Ogden
It was a treat to read about your unusual experience. I'm sorry it had to end the way it did. You were so happy! Everything was going so well until you got out of the shower, and then you returned to your raggedy-assed old self. I have a couple of suggestions that might help.
Try to remember the last thing you ate before the wonderful trasfiguration. Meanwhile, stop taking showers. (I hate to think of what you must look like now, poor thing)
Good luck. I hope it works!
Don (Ogden)
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2018
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It was a treat to read about your unusual experience. I'm sorry it had to end the way it did. You were so happy! Everything was going so well until you got out of the shower, and then you returned to your raggedy-assed old self. I have a couple of suggestions that might help.
Try to remember the last thing you ate before the wonderful trasfiguration. Meanwhile, stop taking showers. (I hate to think of what you must look like now, poor thing)
Good luck. I hope it works!
Don (Ogden)
Comment Written 13-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2018
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Well, this raffedy-assed old self just had a peach and a toasted corn bread muffin for breakfast and i'm getting ready to shower, so we'll see what happens.
At any rate, I thought my entry tied for second, but FS says I got third place. ah, well.
Your review was unexpected and most original.
pome lover
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Katharine, let me know if you got lucky again - and send me a picture.
Don
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funny - fiction is imagination :)
Comment from Artasylum
Whatever you are having to start the day as well and I will remember the hard lesson you had and never take a shower again... thanks so much for this fun adventure. Yours, diana
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Whatever you are having to start the day as well and I will remember the hard lesson you had and never take a shower again... thanks so much for this fun adventure. Yours, diana
Comment Written 24-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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I write fiction. that should explain everything.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I liked this piece and the deep point of view and wrangling thoughts work very well here. A good solid take on the prompt.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Hi there,
I liked this piece and the deep point of view and wrangling thoughts work very well here. A good solid take on the prompt.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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thanks very much!!
Comment from maureen623
Great story. I loved the ending, leaves you wondering if her younger self was wishful thinking, or if the she washed her young self away. How fun! This was a light, fun read, and the pic you chose was spot on. The dialogue too was great. Wouldn't all of us older people love just five minutes of being ache free, as well as to have appreciated our young bodies, when we possessed them.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Great story. I loved the ending, leaves you wondering if her younger self was wishful thinking, or if the she washed her young self away. How fun! This was a light, fun read, and the pic you chose was spot on. The dialogue too was great. Wouldn't all of us older people love just five minutes of being ache free, as well as to have appreciated our young bodies, when we possessed them.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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well, bless you. what a terrific review. much appreciated!!! and you're right. I'd love 5 minutes of ache free. (or more) :)
Comment from Scarbrems
Oh, wouldn't it be great, eh? Shame for your character it was only temporary. I enjoyed this, though not sure whether the contest rules permit your character still waking up as herself, just younger. I hope they do, because I think its a very novel and imaginative approach.
I enjoyed the light tone of this, and the sense of fun and joy you've given your character.
A few points:
Watch your ellipses. You've got quite a few, here, and really they are only for missing words in a sentence, or maybe long pauses. I'd keep the first time you use it, and the one in the paragraph that starts, 'Oh-h-h, that feels so good.' the rest I'd drop, personally.
' I My toe hit a chair leg' - you've accidentally typed an 'I' at the start of this sentence'
'I'll call them...after I shower, and my sister' - Leaving aside the ellipsis, which I've already covered, this sentence is a little awkward. Try, 'I'll call them, and my sister, after I shower.'
Overall, an enjoyable read and a great entry for the contest, providing they don't get picky over it, as I mentioned at the start.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Oh, wouldn't it be great, eh? Shame for your character it was only temporary. I enjoyed this, though not sure whether the contest rules permit your character still waking up as herself, just younger. I hope they do, because I think its a very novel and imaginative approach.
I enjoyed the light tone of this, and the sense of fun and joy you've given your character.
A few points:
Watch your ellipses. You've got quite a few, here, and really they are only for missing words in a sentence, or maybe long pauses. I'd keep the first time you use it, and the one in the paragraph that starts, 'Oh-h-h, that feels so good.' the rest I'd drop, personally.
' I My toe hit a chair leg' - you've accidentally typed an 'I' at the start of this sentence'
'I'll call them...after I shower, and my sister' - Leaving aside the ellipsis, which I've already covered, this sentence is a little awkward. Try, 'I'll call them, and my sister, after I shower.'
Overall, an enjoyable read and a great entry for the contest, providing they don't get picky over it, as I mentioned at the start.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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thank you very much for your lovely critique and good suggestions. I think I have a "thing" for ellipses - use them willy nilly. :)
will edit. thanks.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hi, this is a really fun read born of the prompt, I thoroughly enjoyed it and it is very original. I like the picture, which suits the story so well, setting a great initial tone for the read. I noticed no errors and found this entertaining story a pleasure to read and review, Ana.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Hi, this is a really fun read born of the prompt, I thoroughly enjoyed it and it is very original. I like the picture, which suits the story so well, setting a great initial tone for the read. I noticed no errors and found this entertaining story a pleasure to read and review, Ana.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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thanks, Ana
sorry about the points. used up all I had to enter. I appreciate your kind critique.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks finding evaluation of image; she remembers her days, emotion and feelings about living, family and her reflection, the optical illusion, illusory or insubstantial momentary change or transformation reveals, shocking; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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This speaks finding evaluation of image; she remembers her days, emotion and feelings about living, family and her reflection, the optical illusion, illusory or insubstantial momentary change or transformation reveals, shocking; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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thank you so much
