"Shed Many More Tears, Fairytales F
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The Watermelon"A Children's Story Book.
5 total reviews
Comment from Maltiti Stavros
It reads well! I can picture the ellipses as page breaks- do you plan on having it illustrated?
It's an interesting take on the moral, I'm glad I got to read it, thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
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It reads well! I can picture the ellipses as page breaks- do you plan on having it illustrated?
It's an interesting take on the moral, I'm glad I got to read it, thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
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Glad you enjoyed his.
Need a good Children's Publisher.
Any suggestions?
Got about Six Completed books with hundreds of these Fairytales.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today and thanks again.
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Sorry I have no clue how one would reach out to a publisher- I'm a bit of a newbie haha Good luck though
Comment from apky
A long one here, Doc. But there again, we've been waiting a long time for one of these Ricky Originals to read.
"Why are you so late Annie?"
"We have been waiting for what seems a Century to review a Ricky Fairytale?"
Asks Barbara.
"Well, 'Little Missy'' for your information, I got here ad fast as I can!"
States Annie.
"And, you know Barbara Hendersong..
"I'm not from the 'Twentieth Century!'
"And, it takes a while on horseback!"
"And, can you imagine how it feels on my sore butt
after that long ride on my horse?"
"Any wonder that I'm here at all!"
"Ouch!"
Wecome back, and keep it up in the 21st century!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
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A long one here, Doc. But there again, we've been waiting a long time for one of these Ricky Originals to read.
"Why are you so late Annie?"
"We have been waiting for what seems a Century to review a Ricky Fairytale?"
Asks Barbara.
"Well, 'Little Missy'' for your information, I got here ad fast as I can!"
States Annie.
"And, you know Barbara Hendersong..
"I'm not from the 'Twentieth Century!'
"And, it takes a while on horseback!"
"And, can you imagine how it feels on my sore butt
after that long ride on my horse?"
"Any wonder that I'm here at all!"
"Ouch!"
Wecome back, and keep it up in the 21st century!
Comment Written 22-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
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Thanks again Apky 4 your wonderful review and time.
Ricky..
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks a nice, fanciful and imaginative child fairy-tale of a farmer about his farming and living with a good moral message about relationship of living on earth; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
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This speaks a nice, fanciful and imaginative child fairy-tale of a farmer about his farming and living with a good moral message about relationship of living on earth; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 22-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
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Thanks Al Creator!
Dr. Ricky 1024 and have a Blessed Day.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi Ricky. In the first part of your poem, you have
""In the small town of 'Hob' there was a farmer named Farm named 'Nob.' "
Do you have an extra "named Farm" here?
Below did you mean as rather than ad below?
"for your information, I got here ad fast as I can!"
I was not sure at first but later in the poem you call him Farmer Brown. Farmed should be Farmer?
""Named 'Farmed Brown,' who had a dream that he is trying to hatch onvolvind a "
What is onvolvind?
Here did you mean to have both them and dem?
"'Hold them Dem, Der a horses Ricky!" "
Here is the p missing in piece?
""Soon the iece of Dirt farm will have a new and better name!"
Very interesting story. I would have shared to begin with, but I like the uplifting ending that the other farmers share with him and he learns his lesson. I enjoyed reading it. I like your style and story telling. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
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Hi Ricky. In the first part of your poem, you have
""In the small town of 'Hob' there was a farmer named Farm named 'Nob.' "
Do you have an extra "named Farm" here?
Below did you mean as rather than ad below?
"for your information, I got here ad fast as I can!"
I was not sure at first but later in the poem you call him Farmer Brown. Farmed should be Farmer?
""Named 'Farmed Brown,' who had a dream that he is trying to hatch onvolvind a "
What is onvolvind?
Here did you mean to have both them and dem?
"'Hold them Dem, Der a horses Ricky!" "
Here is the p missing in piece?
""Soon the iece of Dirt farm will have a new and better name!"
Very interesting story. I would have shared to begin with, but I like the uplifting ending that the other farmers share with him and he learns his lesson. I enjoyed reading it. I like your style and story telling. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 21-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2018
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Thanks Pam.
This was a Rush Job and I didn't get a chance to clean it up til now!
Ricky...
Comment from Insignificant Weed
Well, I don't know. I am entirely lost. Let's see if I got this right:
Farmer Nob - good guy
Farmer Brown - bad guy
Ricky - a horse
Annie - the horse's narrator/translator
Barbara Hendersong - a "blast" from the past
Melvin - the watermelon
Brett - FanStory reviewer
Terry Bach - FanStory reviewer
Did I get this right?
My ending to this story/poem would be that Melvin provides a solution that helps all of the watermelons with the help of Farmer Nob. They devise a plan for irrigation ditches that help the field of watermelons and Melvin and Farmer Nob become heroes. Farmer Brown is left with a field of withering crops because of his lack of foresight. Good triumphs over evil!
My impression is that this was written on the spur of the moment because of spelling errors, punctuation errors, lack of a coherent plan for the piece of writing, and the rambling content which leaves the reader confused. I couldn't determine who won and who lost. I'm not sure all of the characters fit into the story line.
In the very first line, "farmer named farm named "Nob." sounds confusing. I'm not sure if the farm is called "Nob" or if the farmer is named "Nob."
In the line that starts " Named 'Farmed Brown' sports a spelling error that is very distracting. In this same line, I'm not sure what "onvolvind" is. My dictionary.com couldn't find it.
In the line that state "the most envious in the town" - envious is an adjective that modifies a noun and there is no noun following it - envious field? envious farmer"
All of a sudden Ricky and Annie appear. In my view they have nothing to do with the watermelon except write an ending for this story/poem. In the line "little, melon, breeches" - the commas are used incorrectly. Use the commas if you can change the adjectives around - eg. "melon little breeches" So this is nonsensical, so the ruling is don't use the commas. It should read " little melon breeches."
Not sure what the tractor, Ford pickup and vacation had to do with the watermelon. Maybe I'm not with the program, but felt there were additional details that did not help the story.
I would suggest keeping Melvin, Farmer Nob, and Farmer as the main characters and leave all the rest out. If this is a children's poem, I don't think they would relate to it very well.
The conversation between Annie, Barbara and Terry could be eliminated. They have nothing to do with the story except come up with an ending which I thought the reader was supposed to do.
In the line "melon patch got what they deserve!" - "deserve" is in the present tense and the rest of the sentence is in the past tense - it should be "deserved!"
For these reasons, I giving this entry two stars. In my opinion, this needs some major work. Maybe I'm missing something.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Well, I don't know. I am entirely lost. Let's see if I got this right:
Farmer Nob - good guy
Farmer Brown - bad guy
Ricky - a horse
Annie - the horse's narrator/translator
Barbara Hendersong - a "blast" from the past
Melvin - the watermelon
Brett - FanStory reviewer
Terry Bach - FanStory reviewer
Did I get this right?
My ending to this story/poem would be that Melvin provides a solution that helps all of the watermelons with the help of Farmer Nob. They devise a plan for irrigation ditches that help the field of watermelons and Melvin and Farmer Nob become heroes. Farmer Brown is left with a field of withering crops because of his lack of foresight. Good triumphs over evil!
My impression is that this was written on the spur of the moment because of spelling errors, punctuation errors, lack of a coherent plan for the piece of writing, and the rambling content which leaves the reader confused. I couldn't determine who won and who lost. I'm not sure all of the characters fit into the story line.
In the very first line, "farmer named farm named "Nob." sounds confusing. I'm not sure if the farm is called "Nob" or if the farmer is named "Nob."
In the line that starts " Named 'Farmed Brown' sports a spelling error that is very distracting. In this same line, I'm not sure what "onvolvind" is. My dictionary.com couldn't find it.
In the line that state "the most envious in the town" - envious is an adjective that modifies a noun and there is no noun following it - envious field? envious farmer"
All of a sudden Ricky and Annie appear. In my view they have nothing to do with the watermelon except write an ending for this story/poem. In the line "little, melon, breeches" - the commas are used incorrectly. Use the commas if you can change the adjectives around - eg. "melon little breeches" So this is nonsensical, so the ruling is don't use the commas. It should read " little melon breeches."
Not sure what the tractor, Ford pickup and vacation had to do with the watermelon. Maybe I'm not with the program, but felt there were additional details that did not help the story.
I would suggest keeping Melvin, Farmer Nob, and Farmer as the main characters and leave all the rest out. If this is a children's poem, I don't think they would relate to it very well.
The conversation between Annie, Barbara and Terry could be eliminated. They have nothing to do with the story except come up with an ending which I thought the reader was supposed to do.
In the line "melon patch got what they deserve!" - "deserve" is in the present tense and the rest of the sentence is in the past tense - it should be "deserved!"
For these reasons, I giving this entry two stars. In my opinion, this needs some major work. Maybe I'm missing something.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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And thanks for your wonderful review and time.
Dr Ricky 1024.
Sorry u had problems with it.
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Sorry, but I must be out of the loop or not with the program. Tell me what I missed. I would really like to understand this piece of writing.
