Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 82 "Chapter Funfundzwanzig Part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
20 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What an idiot that policeman is! I would have knocked him to the ground had I been there. Poor Shana is in shock, has the man no feelings? You never know, he might be involved!! Another excellent part, my friend. Now, as to your question, I've never heard of a muscle car, what are they like? :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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What an idiot that policeman is! I would have knocked him to the ground had I been there. Poor Shana is in shock, has the man no feelings? You never know, he might be involved!! Another excellent part, my friend. Now, as to your question, I've never heard of a muscle car, what are they like? :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 21-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2018
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Okay. Muscle cars were loud fast cars, with huge engines back in the late 60's and early 70's, before the gas issues. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
In answer to your question about the muscle car; you can't go wrong with the '69 Mustang or even the '69 Camaro Z28.
This part of the story was well crafted. We are reminded of things from the past as Shana relates the story to the detective.
Looking forward to more,
~patty~
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2018
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Hi, Barbara,
In answer to your question about the muscle car; you can't go wrong with the '69 Mustang or even the '69 Camaro Z28.
This part of the story was well crafted. We are reminded of things from the past as Shana relates the story to the detective.
Looking forward to more,
~patty~
Comment Written 20-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Barbara, you really get the tension building in this one, and we see Rollins and Zachery come to blows. I liked this chapter, it has good dialogue that is so realistic and I noticed no errors. You must do a lot of editing to get your writing to read so smoothly, it certainly pays off, and thanks for sharing your narrative, which I would recommend to other readers for review, Ana.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2018
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Hello Barbara, you really get the tension building in this one, and we see Rollins and Zachery come to blows. I liked this chapter, it has good dialogue that is so realistic and I noticed no errors. You must do a lot of editing to get your writing to read so smoothly, it certainly pays off, and thanks for sharing your narrative, which I would recommend to other readers for review, Ana.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2018
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I do a lot of editing, but tend to read what I think is there rather than what is really there. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. The police interview scene was spot on. You captured Shana's vulnerability, her sensitivity as she appears to be overwhelmed by the line of questions coming from the police, her only support during the ordeal being Zachery. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the continuation. The police interview scene was spot on. You captured Shana's vulnerability, her sensitivity as she appears to be overwhelmed by the line of questions coming from the police, her only support during the ordeal being Zachery. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 19-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
the picture is perfect for the story, and it was a story that left me wanting more, you did a good job on details, a fun read.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2018
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the picture is perfect for the story, and it was a story that left me wanting more, you did a good job on details, a fun read.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sasha
Terrific work with this chapter. Excellent imagery and terrific dialogue. I enjoyed this chapter immensely and feel it is definitely worthy of 6 stars. Definitely keep up the great work. I anxiously look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2018
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Terrific work with this chapter. Excellent imagery and terrific dialogue. I enjoyed this chapter immensely and feel it is definitely worthy of 6 stars. Definitely keep up the great work. I anxiously look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, Barbara, :)
Have a little fun on your vacation.
I can't wait for the next chapter! I thought something happened to Shana when she didn't come out of the bathroom.
Have to go kitten wants to play.
Nome
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Hello, Barbara, :)
Have a little fun on your vacation.
I can't wait for the next chapter! I thought something happened to Shana when she didn't come out of the bathroom.
Have to go kitten wants to play.
Nome
Comment Written 18-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Poor Shana, having to witness that and then be grilled about it still covered in the stuff. Good instalment, well-handled
Later that evening, Michael knocked on the Shana's bedroom door - delete 'the' from here.
Rollins wrote down that information and asked "What happened next?" - perhaps a comma after asked.
I heard noise. What's the problem?" Michael glared at the dective. - detective.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Hi there,
Poor Shana, having to witness that and then be grilled about it still covered in the stuff. Good instalment, well-handled
Later that evening, Michael knocked on the Shana's bedroom door - delete 'the' from here.
Rollins wrote down that information and asked "What happened next?" - perhaps a comma after asked.
I heard noise. What's the problem?" Michael glared at the dective. - detective.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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I made the changes. A few reviewers have commented that at the end Zack should have been more forceful. I made changes before you read it and made a small additional change. I greatly value your input. If you have time could you recheck that area. Thank you.
Comment from judiverse
Shana is clearly traumatized, having to talk to the police. Maybe Anderson has been too protective of her. She now wants to protect him. She does her best to tell the officer what happened, but has no explanation why the Russians keep attacking her, since she is willing to let them have the painting. Very revealing scene about Shana taking so long to remove her blood-stained clothing so the blood can be analyzed. She is scrubbing and scrubbing to get the blood of her arms. Great work with this. A terrible ordeal for Shana to go through. judi
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Shana is clearly traumatized, having to talk to the police. Maybe Anderson has been too protective of her. She now wants to protect him. She does her best to tell the officer what happened, but has no explanation why the Russians keep attacking her, since she is willing to let them have the painting. Very revealing scene about Shana taking so long to remove her blood-stained clothing so the blood can be analyzed. She is scrubbing and scrubbing to get the blood of her arms. Great work with this. A terrible ordeal for Shana to go through. judi
Comment Written 17-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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You're welcome. I love the story. judi
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. This is yet another excellent addition to your novel, my friend. Anytime the police are involved things perk up in a story. LOL
Suggestions if I may: " After she nodded, he continued, "Would you please tell me in your own words what you saw?"
Try: "Would you please tell me in your own words, exactly what you saw?"
She nodded.
And: ""Shana, I think he means once you stepped onto the patio," suggested Michael and then he glanced at the detective. "This story goes way back. I think my son, Anderson, has already filled you in on how and where this mess began."
Try this, Barbara: "Michael glanced at the detective, then said, "Shana, I think he means once you stepped onto the patio."
Also: "Once she stood, the detective stood. "I'll come with you. I'll need your clothes for evidence. There's blood on them." He handed her an evidence bag."
Try this: They both stood up at the same time and the detective handed her an evidence bag. "I'll come with you, Ma'am and we'll need your clothes for evidence, because there's blood on them."
Also, Barbara, you might consider single spacing the glossary of characters so tha it down'gt appear to run on quite so long. If people want to look up a character, they will find it alright
Good job, my friend. Just needs a bit of polish here and there. :) Bob
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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Hi, Barbara. This is yet another excellent addition to your novel, my friend. Anytime the police are involved things perk up in a story. LOL
Suggestions if I may: " After she nodded, he continued, "Would you please tell me in your own words what you saw?"
Try: "Would you please tell me in your own words, exactly what you saw?"
She nodded.
And: ""Shana, I think he means once you stepped onto the patio," suggested Michael and then he glanced at the detective. "This story goes way back. I think my son, Anderson, has already filled you in on how and where this mess began."
Try this, Barbara: "Michael glanced at the detective, then said, "Shana, I think he means once you stepped onto the patio."
Also: "Once she stood, the detective stood. "I'll come with you. I'll need your clothes for evidence. There's blood on them." He handed her an evidence bag."
Try this: They both stood up at the same time and the detective handed her an evidence bag. "I'll come with you, Ma'am and we'll need your clothes for evidence, because there's blood on them."
Also, Barbara, you might consider single spacing the glossary of characters so tha it down'gt appear to run on quite so long. If people want to look up a character, they will find it alright
Good job, my friend. Just needs a bit of polish here and there. :) Bob
Comment Written 17-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018
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I used to have my characters single spaced and I had complaints about it, that's why I double spaced them. I will go back on my next post and try it again and see if I get any complaints. I appreciate the help and I made the changes and a few more. Question: Did you feel Zack should have been stronger in the last scene at the bathroom door???
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Reaally? You man A LOT of people actually complained about single spacing the list of characters. Wow! Yes, I think Zack should have been a bit bolder all the way.
