Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

Excellent imagery throughout. I especially liked section two. It just spoke to me for some reason. Perhaps it is because it feels like a little known myth seldom shared. The poem can easily stand alone, but I appreciate the author notes to add another dimension to the writing.
I wish I had a six left to give this. I really enjoyed it.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for the five star review and your wonderful comments supporting the poem. I am glad you enjoyed it and shared your reasons, its always nice to get different perspectives on my work. I appreciate the read and review estory

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hello estory
Well I like your fantasy poem about the moon and comparing the moon to a naked woman and the various visions of the moon--
in the dessert, raising above the blue seas and my favorite-- with a change of color

Above the Green mountains, (in Vermont)
And beyond that,
Up to the moon,
Drifting away passed the embrace of the horizon.
Gert

 Comment Written 19-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for your excellent review and for all your comments and perspectives on the poem, I appreciate it. I liked the ending, I like making these little things that end up just drifting away, out of sight, going up to heaven, or some such place. So glad you enjoyed the journey of this one estory

reply by Gert sherwood on 19-Jun-2018

You are welcome estory
Gert

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

Wow! this deep!

I like the artwork you choose to go with your poem
It is a perfect match
You captured my attention from the first line to the last
This is what i call a food for thought poem
Thank you for sharing
Cookie

 Comment Written 18-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

Thanks for the excellent review and your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad you liked it and found it so inspirational. When a poem takes off like that for readers, that's when they are really special. estory

reply by misscookie on 18-Jun-2018

Your very welcome you did a good write
Cookie

Comment from apky

Excellent

You've written a great "song" in praise of the moon's feminine comprehension. I always wonder why in the German language, the moon is masculine and the sun feminine!

Love these lines:

The moon was once a woman
With silver skin like silk
And strands of hair like clouds,
A face of chrysanthemum blossoms
Seen under water,
Blooming overhead
Through the tides of weeks
And ripening months
Where drifting seeds
Grow into children within her,
Mysteriously, numberless as the crowds of stars
And the crowds of stars that fill the fields of skies

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for the excellent review and your perspective on the piece. I have often wondered about that myself, about the German language. I think the stanza you mentioned is probably one of the better written parts; part three is also a favorite of mine. estory

Comment from Air Spirit

Excellent

Your poem is surreal in its ethereal beauty! Your words are so deliciously descriptive, you paint a picture -- with the splash of color and verbiage to add layer and depth.. The adjectives you use so generously, add to the 'mysterious' and ethereal quality of your writing.. one of my favorite lines is "...With silver skin like silk
And strands of hair like clouds,
A face of chrysanthemum blossoms.. so colorful, luxurious in detail and a mellifluous tone that skates and slides across the page.. you literally and figuratively take us on a journey to the moon, which is so eloquently described and vivid... my only suggestion, would be to add a picture to your poem, to complement the beauty of your words --- and also to make the 'font' more artistically creative... I think these two things would enhance, and exhibit the depth and breadth of the glory of your words... I am very visual, so I know for me, it would add a layer to it, that would be as rich and tasty as icing spread across the face of a cake... but delightful with amazing imagery and descriptive detail!
Seen under water,

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for the five star review and all your wonderful comments and suggestions. I am glad you found the poem so inspiring; that's what writing and articulating from the soul is all about; sharing. The font and the imagery on the site I don't really worry about here...the writing is the centerpiece here. That's a job for if and when it goes to publication and the marketing and what not that goes along with that. But I am glad the words took you on a journey, that's my main aim here. estory

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

A surreal scene and painted here and some suffering from mental illness can indeed see strange things, as the mind can confuse and be a scary place to rest. Your write describes such a place, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your interesting take on the poem. Glad you enjoyed it! estory

Comment from Craigitar

Excellent

Initially I always try to understand the meaning in a poem. When that fails and I'm satisfied that it's not just me, I have to conclude that the poem was written solely for the joy of words. This is an excellent example of word-play with its symphony of sounds and imagery that tease at a meaning, then darts off to something different. Very nicely done! If I have one complaint, it's that I didn't write it.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for your excellent review and your interesting comments and perspective on the poem. I am glad you enjoyed it and that the words took you on a musical journey. Poetry is the art of making music with language, so when the musical elements work for readers, I am pleased. The poem is a little abstract, a bit surreal, but there is some meaning to it. Hope, love, motherhood, longing, memory and the experience of space and time, are some of the themes explored here. But I like to keep them as obtuse as possible, and let the poems become different things to different readers. estory

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Totally enjoyed the mystical tone, imagery and mood. Superb atmospheric energy in this write! Enjoyed the repeating sounds and images. Enjoyed the high notes of insight. Enjoyed the fine phonetics and flow. I also liked the use of sections. Works well. The abstract artistry is superb. Would definitely pair well with an Ansel Adams photo.

A few suggestions and extra applause:


*
Like a voice in the stillness(,)
Whispered in twilight(,)
Fades into the
*
Out into open fields of grass(-)blades



Love this:

Where white seeds of dandelions
Drift away on the wind
Into nothing

and this:

Blooming overhead
Through the tides of weeks
And ripening months

*
And we walked on the distant moon(,)
Leaving our footprints in the undisturbed dust

*
Drifting away passed the embrace of the horizon.

past, not passed


The last one is spag...the others are optional (spag in prose but optional in poetry).

Loved this. Delicious.

Warmly,
rd

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

I appreciate your continued support as always, my friend, and your enjoyment of my poems is always a blessing to my heart. So glad the poem carried you away in more than a few places, I will look at your suggestions. I am starting to get into cutting down on punctuation and stripping that down. the flow might be better. Smiles!!!! estory

reply by rama devi on 18-Jun-2018

I understand totally, dear. I consider punctuation a way to enhance flow and sculpt cadence. Not a hindrance...unless it is too cluttered. But I often use minimalist style in short poems. Smiles! rd

Comment from Jennifer Major-Byers

Excellent

Estory, a wonderful, flowing read that easily takes the reader from one moon metaphor to the next. Beautiful descriptions. Much appreciated. Always, jennifer

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your wonderful comments supporting the poem. Glad you enjoyed and found it so easy to read. estory

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

I enjoyed your personification of the moon in stanza II, estory.

With silver skin like silk
And strands of hair like clouds,
A face of chrysanthemum blossoms
Seen under water ... Excellent consonance of "s" and alliteration.

While our dreams shine around us
In an electricity of black and white
Stilled life,
A flash of lightning in an onyx sky ... Some fantasy-like surreal imagery here...

I enjoyed this immensely.

~Dean

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2018

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your wonderful comments supporting this poem and for your perspective on it. estory

reply by Dean Kuch on 18-Jun-2018

My pleasure.