Be Wee With Bea
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Wishing to Be Wee"An allegory in the Winnie the Pooh genre
15 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I think,we've all been through the issues that Wee Bea has endured. She sounds like she has to deal with the "rat pack" mentality of the tribal beasts that marginalise those that are a little different. This is a very perceptive piece you've created, but yet cheery and conversational, being in Bea's mind. Excellent write, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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I think,we've all been through the issues that Wee Bea has endured. She sounds like she has to deal with the "rat pack" mentality of the tribal beasts that marginalise those that are a little different. This is a very perceptive piece you've created, but yet cheery and conversational, being in Bea's mind. Excellent write, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you for your uplifting review. There will be more to come.
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Pleasure Sharyn
Comment from country ranch writer
Many children are picked on due to their weight and have become so depressed they have taken their own life. it is a shame this has to happen when our children are not taught to respect the feelings of others.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Many children are picked on due to their weight and have become so depressed they have taken their own life. it is a shame this has to happen when our children are not taught to respect the feelings of others.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you for your expanded review. That is my hope for this book, that people old & young will heal.
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good luck with your venture
Comment from Hugh McDowell
Loved this story. And it definitely should work for adults and kids. There are so many life lessons in it. This would be a great story for a parent to read to a child, especially one with self esteem issues. I like how Bea is honest with herself without a lot of self pity. Through her own actions she works through some major issues. I had to give you a six on this.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Loved this story. And it definitely should work for adults and kids. There are so many life lessons in it. This would be a great story for a parent to read to a child, especially one with self esteem issues. I like how Bea is honest with herself without a lot of self pity. Through her own actions she works through some major issues. I had to give you a six on this.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you again for the 6 stars. I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter...more to come.
Comment from lyenochka
Great motivational story about how to deal with bullying and poor self-image by listening to the right voice and through exercise.
Suggestion:
I think you could have direct dialogue instead of telling us about the conversation. That would bring the reader into the action instead of reading about it.
For example "When I asked how she got the name Bea," makes me wonder who the "I" is and how the conversation began and how did the narrator meet Bea, etc.
Next we are told about the conversation between Bea and her mother. It might work better as a dialogue.
.After doing her exercises (extra period)
reasons anymore.. (extra period)
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Great motivational story about how to deal with bullying and poor self-image by listening to the right voice and through exercise.
Suggestion:
I think you could have direct dialogue instead of telling us about the conversation. That would bring the reader into the action instead of reading about it.
For example "When I asked how she got the name Bea," makes me wonder who the "I" is and how the conversation began and how did the narrator meet Bea, etc.
Next we are told about the conversation between Bea and her mother. It might work better as a dialogue.
.After doing her exercises (extra period)
reasons anymore.. (extra period)
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the detailed review. I hadn't thought of using dialogue. Something to consider. Now that you mention it, I don't seem to use any dialogue in any of my writings. I'll have to grow in confidence and try some out.
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Dialogues are a great way to "show not tell." And it breaks up the blocks of text so the reader feels like it's all moving faster. I'm sure you'll find it very natural. Also, you might see how some writers here use creative "action tags" instead of just "he said/she said" but the actions that convey the internal communication of the speaker.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Verry good. If Bea wants to lose weight she should try hibernating. A bear's metabolism slows during hibernation, but they still lose up to 40% of their weight. It's good advice for alcoholics too. You don't drink when you're asleep.
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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Verry good. If Bea wants to lose weight she should try hibernating. A bear's metabolism slows during hibernation, but they still lose up to 40% of their weight. It's good advice for alcoholics too. You don't drink when you're asleep.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you for your amusing review. I love the irony of her incorporating lifting honey pots full of honey and eating it as an exercise. I guess by emptying some it makes it easier to lift it back up to the shelf. Now that doesn't sound like an alcoholic at all, does it ?
