Coffee Ole!
If he makes you laugh, you might be in love.9 total reviews
Comment from David JK Carr
Very good. I really do like this. The trouble, I find, with most romance stories is that they take themselves far too seriously. This one, refreshingly, does not and it is all the better for it. My only quibble is with the line; "Johnny Cash the singer?" No need for that exposition. Is there another Johnny Cash? But otherwise, bravo.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018
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Very good. I really do like this. The trouble, I find, with most romance stories is that they take themselves far too seriously. This one, refreshingly, does not and it is all the better for it. My only quibble is with the line; "Johnny Cash the singer?" No need for that exposition. Is there another Johnny Cash? But otherwise, bravo.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2018
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Thank you so much, David, for reading my story and your high praise. Your point about Johnny Cash is well-taken. And I truly appreciate the six-star bonus.
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
Who can go wrong with coffee, jokes, and laughter...and add some romance took! Wow. A fun little romance. A good entry for the contest. I wish you lots of luck.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Who can go wrong with coffee, jokes, and laughter...and add some romance took! Wow. A fun little romance. A good entry for the contest. I wish you lots of luck.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Thank you so much for sharing my story, Cindy. I am delighted you enjoyed it.
Comment from Swampfox1
I don't see how it can be fiction, it sounds too real. Great job on this and I think you have a great entry for the Coffee romance contest. I enjoyed the story, I did not spot any errors. Great job , thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful week
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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I don't see how it can be fiction, it sounds too real. Great job on this and I think you have a great entry for the Coffee romance contest. I enjoyed the story, I did not spot any errors. Great job , thanks for sharing. Have a wonderful week
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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I am thrilled to hear such words. There is nothing more gratifying to this writer than knowing my readers BELIEVE the characters (if not the plot) are real. Many thanks for the kind praise and that galaxy of stars.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Joy Graham
Dear Mystery Author,
This is a fabulous story. I wasn't sure at first, but your story grabbed me and I couldn't stop reading. You have terrific characters that tell a vivid and fascinating story. It warms my heart on this cold and rainy day here in Calgary. I love a happy ending, and you delivered. I think this story is going to kill the competition in this contest. I wish you the best, and hope you will write more stories like this one.
- "...even before I (ound) a chair" - found
Sincerely Joy xx
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Dear Mystery Author,
This is a fabulous story. I wasn't sure at first, but your story grabbed me and I couldn't stop reading. You have terrific characters that tell a vivid and fascinating story. It warms my heart on this cold and rainy day here in Calgary. I love a happy ending, and you delivered. I think this story is going to kill the competition in this contest. I wish you the best, and hope you will write more stories like this one.
- "...even before I (ound) a chair" - found
Sincerely Joy xx
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you so much, Joy, for your effusive praise of ?Coffee Ole.? I am so pleased you like my characters who were fun to create. I will indeed write more stories like this. I also truly appreciate those six bright stars.
Comment from giraffmang
I liked the theme and premise here. it's a good solid piece which should od well in the competition.
I have to say that from the initial conversation with Julian and Carlotta, I didn't find him funny either. he's a dick.
A side effect of all is his efforts - all of his?
You're a great George Burns, but
she'll never be a Gracie - not sure many people will understand this reference.
"I ask her out." - asked?
Something here tell me - tells?
she my 'soulmate'- she's?
Julian's speech patterns waiver quite a bit in this. Sometimes they're clipped like English isn't his first language and other times it flows perfectly. it gives an odd feeling to him.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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I liked the theme and premise here. it's a good solid piece which should od well in the competition.
I have to say that from the initial conversation with Julian and Carlotta, I didn't find him funny either. he's a dick.
A side effect of all is his efforts - all of his?
You're a great George Burns, but
she'll never be a Gracie - not sure many people will understand this reference.
"I ask her out." - asked?
Something here tell me - tells?
she my 'soulmate'- she's?
Julian's speech patterns waiver quite a bit in this. Sometimes they're clipped like English isn't his first language and other times it flows perfectly. it gives an odd feeling to him.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Many thanks, GMG, for taking the time to closely read my story and make suggestions. I am delighted you enjoyed it overall and agree I need to work on Julian?s speech patterns.
Comment from Nanny 6
This is a very good story about an old guy looking for a newfound love in a coffee place. I was a bit worried for a moment when he had the stroke, but it looks like he's up and running again. Good luck in the contest. I enjoyed the read.
Judy
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2018
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This is a very good story about an old guy looking for a newfound love in a coffee place. I was a bit worried for a moment when he had the stroke, but it looks like he's up and running again. Good luck in the contest. I enjoyed the read.
Judy
Comment Written 10-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2018
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I am delighted you enjoyed my story. That other old guy, Allen the narrator, pops up in many of my stories. Many thanks for your kind praise.
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I look forward to reading more : )
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, good story and your characters are easy to visualize and their dialogue shows the story very effectively. I do think you need to decide what tense you are going to write in, and that's my only suggestion for improvement. You are not alone, I have terrible trouble with seeing the tense flaws in my own prose, that and the humble comma make me want to pull my hair out, LOL.
Julian Zervos's huge smile and incomparable repertoire of jokes usually make women laugh. Not Carlotta DeLeon. She ignore(s) him.
The 'first' person is great if you want a story to be up close and personal, but in mho, it is much harder to write in the first person, which is what I naturally wrote in, before deciding I wanted to write in third. And I rewrote vast swathes of text, but I'm still picking tense issues out of it all the time.
It is in your first paragraph, which is important, as you have to hook readers, and it's very interesting to look at the psychology of how we read. It's fascinating. You have only a short time frame to make them 'buy-in', and I'm assuming you want to be a read. That's the important thing, as a writer, isn't it? But it's amazing how many writers can't take instruction as they either think they are a superior writer already, and it has become their 'preciousies (Gollom)'. Other people naively think that their wonderful narrative will be recognized and published even if it isn't grammatically correct, because it's so wonderfully unique. ROLF So, no one ever reads them because they won't change. Writing is a craft, and it is like any other craft. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice!
Thanks for sharing your writing, which I would recommend to other readers for review, Ana.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2018
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Hello, good story and your characters are easy to visualize and their dialogue shows the story very effectively. I do think you need to decide what tense you are going to write in, and that's my only suggestion for improvement. You are not alone, I have terrible trouble with seeing the tense flaws in my own prose, that and the humble comma make me want to pull my hair out, LOL.
Julian Zervos's huge smile and incomparable repertoire of jokes usually make women laugh. Not Carlotta DeLeon. She ignore(s) him.
The 'first' person is great if you want a story to be up close and personal, but in mho, it is much harder to write in the first person, which is what I naturally wrote in, before deciding I wanted to write in third. And I rewrote vast swathes of text, but I'm still picking tense issues out of it all the time.
It is in your first paragraph, which is important, as you have to hook readers, and it's very interesting to look at the psychology of how we read. It's fascinating. You have only a short time frame to make them 'buy-in', and I'm assuming you want to be a read. That's the important thing, as a writer, isn't it? But it's amazing how many writers can't take instruction as they either think they are a superior writer already, and it has become their 'preciousies (Gollom)'. Other people naively think that their wonderful narrative will be recognized and published even if it isn't grammatically correct, because it's so wonderfully unique. ROLF So, no one ever reads them because they won't change. Writing is a craft, and it is like any other craft. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice!
Thanks for sharing your writing, which I would recommend to other readers for review, Ana.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2018
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Thank you so much, Ana, for taking the time to review my story and comment so thoroughly. I concur with everything you have said about first person POV and the need to practice if you wish to master your craft. I will review my tenses. Again, many thanks.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Coffee Romance writing prompt.
Your well written story is interesting and well done.
A little couple of glitchs:
I not busy now - I'm not
Something here tell me - tells me
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Coffee Romance writing prompt.
Your well written story is interesting and well done.
A little couple of glitchs:
I not busy now - I'm not
Something here tell me - tells me
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 10-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2018
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Thank you, Sharon, for sharing my story and your kind praise. Julian is an immigrant from Eastern Europe and the errors you pointed out are his way of speaking. English is a second language to him and HIS grammar is not always correct.
Comment from kahpot
What a wonderful story and an excellent read, I love the way you have incorporated the jokes and some great one-liners into this story, I can only review the words and excellence of the read, I am not much on grammar so to me this doesn't count, I mean I don't know. This is exceptional****kahpot
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2018
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What a wonderful story and an excellent read, I love the way you have incorporated the jokes and some great one-liners into this story, I can only review the words and excellence of the read, I am not much on grammar so to me this doesn't count, I mean I don't know. This is exceptional****kahpot
Comment Written 10-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2018
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I am delighted you enjoyed my story, kahpot, and thrilled by all the stars you gave me. I truly enjoyed writing this romance and creating these characters. Many, many thanks for sharing and your kind praise.
