Too Far The Reach
Share Your Story entry - my raw truth17 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story, we all have our problems, short-comings, and faults. Most of us learn to love ourselves and others despite their flaws and that is the way to do it all along. Forgive and forget is the only way to find rest for our souls.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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A very well-written story, we all have our problems, short-comings, and faults. Most of us learn to love ourselves and others despite their flaws and that is the way to do it all along. Forgive and forget is the only way to find rest for our souls.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you very much. Unlike a lot of things I write that flow easily, this one was difficult, probably because I needed it said but wanted to make it clear that there's still love and forgiveness... It was so hard, I actually posted it a few times, going back and forth with how I wanted to say certain things. So you can imagine how much your review means to me - I actually fear what might be said about it. I'm very grateful, Sandra.
Comment from damommy
Bless your heart. You've had so many trials to go through, it's a wonder you're still sane. Family dynamics can be awful sometimes. I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect family. I used to think so when I was a child.
For the most part, I'm a very private person and share my feelings with very few. I have a lot of acquaintances, but a handful of true friends. Making friends here on FS has been a blessing, too. I am here for you anytime you want to talk. You have my email address.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Bless your heart. You've had so many trials to go through, it's a wonder you're still sane. Family dynamics can be awful sometimes. I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect family. I used to think so when I was a child.
For the most part, I'm a very private person and share my feelings with very few. I have a lot of acquaintances, but a handful of true friends. Making friends here on FS has been a blessing, too. I am here for you anytime you want to talk. You have my email address.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you very much. Unlike a lot of things I write that flow easily, this one was difficult, probably because I needed it said but wanted to make it clear that there's still love and forgiveness... It was so hard, I actually posted it a few times, going back and forth with how I wanted to say certain things. So you can imagine how much your review means to me - I actually fear what might be said about it. I'm very grateful, Yvonne (and so far behind). My apologies!
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I can't think why anyone would say anything negative. It was well written and definitely from the heart. If someone does, ignore it!
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I'll give you the same answer I gave another supportive reviewer, my friend:
Unintended, sometimes, people can be insulting with things they imply, such as you're not a spiritual person, or that you need advice like "read your Bible", or "go to church", or the answers are: blah, blah...(and they offer opinions that are not only completely erroneous, they are narrow-minded.)
When an essay is so personal, how can anyone think they could possibly tell the author how the author should behave to resolve sibling conflict, for example? Yet that is exactly what some reviewers do - it's the reason I wouldn't write 'autobiographical', at least to post here, for a long time.
The trick I've discovered to tolerating it, is to remind myself that FanSory is not full of pros. For some, this site is more of a social one, not about the craft of writing so much as a way to socialize. There's nothing wrong with that (of course) unless/until those same people condescend, ESPECIALLY when it's a subject they couldn't possibly know - i.e. personal relationships among people they've never met.
Thanks for caring, Yvonne.
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I still say ignore those. My mantra has always been 'those that matter, understand. Those that don't understand, don't matter.'
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Hmmm... good mantra. I'll consider changing my spots. (LOL ???)
I have to be honest, I don't think I could accomplish not responding when it comes to an insult, intended or not. It's just not my nature to let something like that pass, at least when my life is not in danger. (Here, in the city that has become dangerous, I am much more guarded than I once was - you never know, and I'm not about to have some gang-banger pull out a gun and shoot me because I shot off my mouth. LOL). BUT... behind the safety of my laptop, I usually will 'call' the person on it. (Unless it's someone I know who does it all the time - then I ignore it as a waste of my time.) However, when I DO address insulting comments, I try to be cognizant of whether or not the insults were intentional. Sometimes it is simply a matter, as you've said, of someone not understanding. Regardless, if I can manage the time I'll try to make it clear for him or her - it's how we learn, yes? And SOME are here for the full experience, me included. I've been surprised a few times at something I learned here, some POV I hadn't considered... :))
You are a good friend, Yvonne - thank you!
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You are a good friend, too.
We have to consider, too, that it sounds more harsh in print than it might if we could see the face, hear the voice.
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True! Very true. Body language is a HUGE part of communication.
Comment from Debbie Pope
Your honesty and openness here are downright heart wrenching. You have had so many cards stacked against you. It is absolutely no wonder you feel depressed and alone. Your story is so personal, but you make several insightful observations about human nature that help everyone. For example, your statements about social media being a symptom of mankind's reluctance to engage with others. I found that to be profound and true. Most people don't really like many personal relationships because it is hard. That is just one of many observations that I liked. This is getting too long. I will close by thanking you for posting this. I hope that it was cathartic for you. For me, it gave me pause. It made me grateful for my many relationships even though they are working me to death right now. It made me appreciate 88 Years with my mom, instead of focusing on her current hospice state. I bet your story affects many others in similar, helpful ways. Thank you.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Your honesty and openness here are downright heart wrenching. You have had so many cards stacked against you. It is absolutely no wonder you feel depressed and alone. Your story is so personal, but you make several insightful observations about human nature that help everyone. For example, your statements about social media being a symptom of mankind's reluctance to engage with others. I found that to be profound and true. Most people don't really like many personal relationships because it is hard. That is just one of many observations that I liked. This is getting too long. I will close by thanking you for posting this. I hope that it was cathartic for you. For me, it gave me pause. It made me grateful for my many relationships even though they are working me to death right now. It made me appreciate 88 Years with my mom, instead of focusing on her current hospice state. I bet your story affects many others in similar, helpful ways. Thank you.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you very much. Unlike a lot of things I write that flow easily, this one was difficult, probably because I needed it said but wanted to make it clear that there's still love and forgiveness... It was so hard, I actually posted it a few times, going back and forth with how I wanted to say certain things. So you can imagine how much your review means to me - I actually fear what might be said about it. I'm very grateful, Debbie.
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I can?t imagine anyone not being supportive. We all have things that we need to say. You were brave. I have trouble expressing what I feel deepest about. Can?t do it.
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Unintended, sometimes, people can be insulting with things they imply, such as you're not a spiritual person, or that you need advice like "read your Bible", or "go to church", or the answers are: (and they offer opinions that are not only completely erroneous, they are narrow-minded.) When an essay is so personal, how can anyone think they could possibly tell the author how the author should behave to resolve sibling conflict, for example? LOL. Yet that is exactly what some reviewers do - it's the reason I wouldn't write autobiographical, at least to post here, for a long time.) The trick I've discovered is to remind myself that FanSory is not full of pros. For some, this site is more of a social one, not about the craft of writing so much as a way to socialize. Good luck, Debbie - you can and will express your feelings more openly the more you write about them, I think. That's been my experience anyway. All the very best to you. :))
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I feel like I betray if I ever mention another person. That's my problem. And, I am a specialist at ignoring problems to avoid confrontations. Taken together, I keep my deepest thoughts to myself. Sorry you are having trouble with people offering suggestions, like you have not already thought of every possibility. They have not thought this out.
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Thanks.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
hello, what a candid story, you are brave to write like this. I am convinced you can be sick from trauma, even in utero, they 're finding now, I was reading about it the other day. I loved your story, which at times is almost a confession. Here's a lovely review for you hope your better soon, Ana
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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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hello, what a candid story, you are brave to write like this. I am convinced you can be sick from trauma, even in utero, they 're finding now, I was reading about it the other day. I loved your story, which at times is almost a confession. Here's a lovely review for you hope your better soon, Ana
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
Thanks for reviewing, and for your kind intent, as well as the generous rating.
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You changed your rating from a five-star one to a four-star, based on my reply? My goodness.
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I see you also erased most of your review, so you must have found some validity in my response to it. Additionally, you have muted me after changing your rating and deleting most of what you said in your review (leaving only flattering remarks). That's really a shame, IMO. Good luck to you, and I mean it in all good spirit. Peace, Dawn
Comment from Pamusart
This is very poignant. Sounds a bit like my family, Dawn. But lots of differences as well. I do not have a dead child. I am so sorry for your loss. My maternal grandfather was struck and killed by lighting before my mother was born. She was an only farmer. They were farmers. After he died they had to move to Cincinnati from Dayton in Ohio. She hated her mother so I never met either of her parents. My dad hated his sister. His parents were 3,000 miles away. He had one sister whom he hated. I have two cousins I never knew. Have connected to them now. Both are women who never had kids. Their father abused them. There are three of us who never had kids. My oldest sister should not have. Her kid is totally screwed up. I am known as blunt which puts off my eight brothers and sisters. But the good thing is that we all get along. For me it was parental abuse. I am sorry but hopefully you have other kids? Good that you can open up here. Take care. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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This is very poignant. Sounds a bit like my family, Dawn. But lots of differences as well. I do not have a dead child. I am so sorry for your loss. My maternal grandfather was struck and killed by lighting before my mother was born. She was an only farmer. They were farmers. After he died they had to move to Cincinnati from Dayton in Ohio. She hated her mother so I never met either of her parents. My dad hated his sister. His parents were 3,000 miles away. He had one sister whom he hated. I have two cousins I never knew. Have connected to them now. Both are women who never had kids. Their father abused them. There are three of us who never had kids. My oldest sister should not have. Her kid is totally screwed up. I am known as blunt which puts off my eight brothers and sisters. But the good thing is that we all get along. For me it was parental abuse. I am sorry but hopefully you have other kids? Good that you can open up here. Take care. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 10-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Wow, what a story yours is too. I'm sorry for the spite and sorrow that you describe - it sure seems a common affliction... (*sigh*) You are blessed, though, that you all 'get along'. These days I am in touch with some family through Facebook, and my brother, in recent years, has made Herculean efforts, but we will never have a reigning peace between us - we are too different. (I drive him nuts, but he drives me crazy too. LOL. There's love there, though, on both our parts.)
No - I never had another child. Thank you for your condolences. My son would be nearly fifty by now, had he lived. I was very young and married within that same calendar year. (How's that for the set-up for PTSD - my memory was badly affected - still is, in some regards...) I lost him to SIDS right after his three-month checkup with my doctor at the time. My first novel (still in need of editing) is based on the loss of Sean, but otherwise, complete fiction. I guess I probably wrote it in an attempt to face some of THOSE demons - here, on FanStory, I've written a little, but it's the first time I openly talked about him.
There are many wonderful things about this site (and a few miserable ones too - lol), but that one aspect - the ability to write, and the push to do so honestly (by other talented writers) is probably the best of all FanStory's attributes.
Thank you for sharing your 'slice of life' with me, and for your kind and generous review. It is so appreciated!
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Smile. Take care Dawn
Comment from royowen
I sympathise Dear Dawn. I made mentors out of my friend's dads, my dad was always working, and mum was a "bully girl" three of my 4 siblings weren't talking to her, al,Ost to the point of her death. My brother and I were the "black sheep". After I came to Christ, I gave my mother the honour due her. She brow beat my dad so much, he started drinking, and sought the arms of another woman. My mother had mislead we siblings about his nature, he was actually a gentle man. Never saw my grandparents after leaving England in the fifties. I understand dysfunctional. Dawn, but I hope I've not hurt you, this site spreads one thin. I'm already thinking of calling it quits. Maybe the end of the year. Thanks for sharing, (I've got the best wife, kids and grands) and God has shown me how important my role generationally is, that it will secure the generations. So well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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I sympathise Dear Dawn. I made mentors out of my friend's dads, my dad was always working, and mum was a "bully girl" three of my 4 siblings weren't talking to her, al,Ost to the point of her death. My brother and I were the "black sheep". After I came to Christ, I gave my mother the honour due her. She brow beat my dad so much, he started drinking, and sought the arms of another woman. My mother had mislead we siblings about his nature, he was actually a gentle man. Never saw my grandparents after leaving England in the fifties. I understand dysfunctional. Dawn, but I hope I've not hurt you, this site spreads one thin. I'm already thinking of calling it quits. Maybe the end of the year. Thanks for sharing, (I've got the best wife, kids and grands) and God has shown me how important my role generationally is, that it will secure the generations. So well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 10-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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I'm so sorry, Roy - family dynamics sure can be messed up, and I guess a lot of our perspectives about life in general hinge on that fact... Like you, my views changed with my return to/rebirth in Christ, thanks be to God. I only wish it could have been different with my family.
Please don't leave. I know, believe me, how exposing our writing to the public like we do here, on FanStory, can be trying (at best), but Roy, there really are good people, and real friends also. It also inspires so much when we read others' work, yes? There's much to be enjoyed, too, in spite of the discouraging remarks sometimes... I find the biggest challenge is when someone decides to 'counsel' me with mistaken advice, even insulting, personal comment (that, for example, implies I am not a spiritual person). But as sensitive as I can be, there's usually some friend who comes along to uplift and inspire me.
Stay!!!!!!
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I understand Dawn, I took a sabbatical last year , still kept in touch, but God's not finished with me yet, I have a close brother in Christ, a pastor here, we have been each other's solace for 34 years. (besides Christ) He never lets us drift too far. Just be honest with each other, I find it hard to be "false". Bless you. Roy
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for your candor. I agree that chronic health problems and disease are connected to trauma, and you have certainly had your share of both. And genes make it difficult for us to overcome certain illnesses as well. I hope writing about your life helps to slay some of the demons. Yes, it is hard to be human--it takes a village to live a good life. Best wishes in the contest as well- Joan
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Thank you for your candor. I agree that chronic health problems and disease are connected to trauma, and you have certainly had your share of both. And genes make it difficult for us to overcome certain illnesses as well. I hope writing about your life helps to slay some of the demons. Yes, it is hard to be human--it takes a village to live a good life. Best wishes in the contest as well- Joan
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Comment Written 10-Jun-2018
