Too Far The Reach
Share Your Story entry - my raw truth17 total reviews
Comment from CD Richards
Hi Dawn,
My doctor says I don't exorcise enough. That's because I'm not brave like you -- I
d rather keep all my demons locked up out of sight; well - most of the time. When they do escape, it's not pretty!
I feel terribly sad for you with all the things you have gone through with your family. And yes, I understand the pain of not getting along with those we love the most.
Thrown out for not making your bed properly? As an adult? Clearly there was far more going on.
Very well done, Dawn. A terrific write, showing a huge amount of courage.
Craig
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Hi Dawn,
My doctor says I don't exorcise enough. That's because I'm not brave like you -- I
d rather keep all my demons locked up out of sight; well - most of the time. When they do escape, it's not pretty!
I feel terribly sad for you with all the things you have gone through with your family. And yes, I understand the pain of not getting along with those we love the most.
Thrown out for not making your bed properly? As an adult? Clearly there was far more going on.
Very well done, Dawn. A terrific write, showing a huge amount of courage.
Craig
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Yes, there was much more going on that we never DID address - that was the way of it with my siblings. I guess that's my problem - I will do almost anything to hash things out, while my siblings will do (would have done) almost anything to avoid the real topic.*sigh*
Just think - forty years had passed (for example) before I knew why my brother was so angry with me (over the garage thing). When he finally DID tell me (on a telephone conversation), he was truly shocked because I reminded him (first) that it had been more than forty years!!! Craziness. And very, very sad. Presumably I am so different from either of them because of the difference in the way we were raised and our ages??? Anyway, it is what it is and the present-day, or recent difficulties trump history, mostly. (LOL - see what I did there?)
All kidding aside, thanks very much, Craig. It was time a little of it came out, I guess... The thing is, it hasn't really made me feel much better. Writing about real issues, serious issues, is supposed to be cathartic, but how can it be if the writer knew all along what was causing the problem? I have written about other subjects that crystallized my thoughts, but not this - my family dynamics have been messed up my whole life (and I said so many times, in one way or another, trying to fill the swimming pool with a teaspoon). You don't live with something like that so long without coming to some sort of understanding of it. Eight and a half years between my brother and I... He was long gone by the time I hit puberty. Five years between my sister and I meant a lot of time spent alone with my mom. I left home at an early age too - was already married when Mom passed away. (I'd had to ask her permission- that'll tell you. *smile*) Anyway, there's another story in that one too... Where was my husband, huh? (More exorcisms pending. LOL)
Thanks for listening!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
He had is first heart attack - his.
Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis are tough. My cousin has the former - she's in her late 50s, and my mum the other (74). Fibromyalgia is such a misunderstood thing. Anything that can't be 'seen' is frequently misunderstood and treated with a degree of scepticism that is hard to break.
Families are one of the most difficult things in this world. Navigating the relationships is a complete minefield as there is always some elements of emotion that go deeper than other relationships. Those dynamics are ingrained through formative years and balanced against perception and point of view.
A very introspective and searching piece.
G
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Hi there,
He had is first heart attack - his.
Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis are tough. My cousin has the former - she's in her late 50s, and my mum the other (74). Fibromyalgia is such a misunderstood thing. Anything that can't be 'seen' is frequently misunderstood and treated with a degree of scepticism that is hard to break.
Families are one of the most difficult things in this world. Navigating the relationships is a complete minefield as there is always some elements of emotion that go deeper than other relationships. Those dynamics are ingrained through formative years and balanced against perception and point of view.
A very introspective and searching piece.
G
Comment Written 12-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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G-man, you really are a prize - thanks for that catch! (Fixed now)
Yep, having both means not one waking moment without pain, but some days aren't as bad as others. I get by without any form of medication, usually, although my previous (idiot) doctor DID try to get me on an anti-depressant med she said was achieving some result in chronic pain sufferers - a med which has since PROVEN HARMFUL. I refused, of course, but it wound up a VERY costly decision, at least financially, because it cost me a disability pension. (It didn't help that I had a lawyer who did a 180 turn-- from a sensible, eloquent speaker, to one who became tongue-tied, except to tell ME not to argue my case when he wasn't arguing it.) That she-witch doctor reported that I had refused treatment, so there was a NEED to argue. I have a new one now (and the story about HER is complicated, although I have touched on the subject in past writes - she was unbelievably biased, and not a little negligent.)
Now-- Families? You said it, brother! Speaking of brothers... Mine is always right, and I am still 'baby sister' (lol - at 66)! But although I make light of it, it's hardly a light topic for me. It's been a lifelong pain of a different kind. (But I think it has honed the craft of writing more than anything else could. No such thing as a half-empty glass, is there? *smile*)
Thanks very much, my friend.
Comment from Ronni
Dear Dawn,
The incredulous and invicible exorcising of demons you rlated in this most
heart wrenching and soul searing, painful memories and deeply candid
Biographical introspection, an aching, misty eyed read to very end; reveals
first and foremost, your indelible courage, incomparable integrity, and real
world reality and real life griefs, hearataches, betrayals and cruel indifference
suffered through your entire life and so many cold and indifferent family
members. Not many survive as still in tact and aware as you are; and with
the overall understanding and compassion of your family, which unpardoningly
they did not accord you nor ever really tried to surmount the barriers and
slights that were so blindly defended or avoided.
Also, the fact that you are so candid and realistic of your own physical
conditions and issues that have affected you from childhood on, and into
adulthood, accepting and acknowledging them as they are and how they
affect you, often beyond your control, yet cope with them daily with th
forthright candor and reality of how they have deprived you of many
opportunities or relationships one most needs, at least for a good portion
of your life, reveals physical, emotional and psychological strengths and
deeply spiritual grounding is most astounding and all the more inspiring
life history of trauma's and tragedies you have weathred and kept your
wits, sanity, wisdom and unabashed woman warriour courage and tenacity!
And always too, quite often your witty sense of humor and commentary.
Thank you for sharing, must have been a most draining write indeed dear,
God Bless you for still surviving as you...one known and loved for all your
other gracious gifts and beautiful sharings and carings, especially by
me, yours truly here too.
Love, Blessings always, Ronni
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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Dear Dawn,
The incredulous and invicible exorcising of demons you rlated in this most
heart wrenching and soul searing, painful memories and deeply candid
Biographical introspection, an aching, misty eyed read to very end; reveals
first and foremost, your indelible courage, incomparable integrity, and real
world reality and real life griefs, hearataches, betrayals and cruel indifference
suffered through your entire life and so many cold and indifferent family
members. Not many survive as still in tact and aware as you are; and with
the overall understanding and compassion of your family, which unpardoningly
they did not accord you nor ever really tried to surmount the barriers and
slights that were so blindly defended or avoided.
Also, the fact that you are so candid and realistic of your own physical
conditions and issues that have affected you from childhood on, and into
adulthood, accepting and acknowledging them as they are and how they
affect you, often beyond your control, yet cope with them daily with th
forthright candor and reality of how they have deprived you of many
opportunities or relationships one most needs, at least for a good portion
of your life, reveals physical, emotional and psychological strengths and
deeply spiritual grounding is most astounding and all the more inspiring
life history of trauma's and tragedies you have weathred and kept your
wits, sanity, wisdom and unabashed woman warriour courage and tenacity!
And always too, quite often your witty sense of humor and commentary.
Thank you for sharing, must have been a most draining write indeed dear,
God Bless you for still surviving as you...one known and loved for all your
other gracious gifts and beautiful sharings and carings, especially by
me, yours truly here too.
Love, Blessings always, Ronni
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2018
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How can I ever thank you? You are absolutely incredible, my friend. I don't have the words to express just how much I treasure your continuous support and encouragement. All I can say is thank you, Ronni, from the depths of my heart!
Comment from country ranch writer
having to deal with so much throughout your life from one aspect to another it is a wonder you have been able to cope so well with it all. We have to get things off our chest sometimes and sharing it with your FS friends is a way for us to relate to what has gone on in your life.
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having to deal with so much throughout your life from one aspect to another it is a wonder you have been able to cope so well with it all. We have to get things off our chest sometimes and sharing it with your FS friends is a way for us to relate to what has gone on in your life.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a bravely written and well composed piece, Dawn. I wish you much luck in the contest. It takes courage to write our memoirs like this which may be a personal catharsis, but leaves us open to comments from others who mean well and attempt to console us even though we may feel the reverse is the case.
I did find one typo (12th paragraph from bottom) here: "Another heat-wrenching experience" (heart)
Marilyn
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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This is a bravely written and well composed piece, Dawn. I wish you much luck in the contest. It takes courage to write our memoirs like this which may be a personal catharsis, but leaves us open to comments from others who mean well and attempt to console us even though we may feel the reverse is the case.
I did find one typo (12th paragraph from bottom) here: "Another heat-wrenching experience" (heart)
Marilyn
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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You, my friend, have one heck of an eye, and are such a kind reviewer, Marilyn! Thank you, not simply for the outstanding rating (which thrills and humbles me) but for the understanding. It was a very difficult write - I actually went through quite a time writing and revising this one. I am in your debt!
Comment from robyn corum
Dawn,
Isn't it utterly fascinating those things in our life that shape and mold our characters? I'm a 'thinker'. I spend countless hours spinning thoughts around on a gopher wheel in my head, retracing my childhood and what the adults in my life said and did and how it affected me THEN and what that did to make the ME I am NOW. It's so crazy that a simple sentence a teacher spoke in an off-handed way stuck in my brain and has replayed for 45 years.
Life events shape us; there's no getting around us. We either rise above them or we fall and are crushed beneath them. Obviously, you are not a crushee. *smile*
You are strong and brilliant and you are a survivor. Like it or not, your life made the you that you are - and the YOU that we all respect and admire. The YOU that has accomplished what so many others here only hope to do.
I realize this is one of those cathartic pieces that one must bring forth from time to time -- oh, not me -- I'm too much of a coward to put things like this on paper.
Like you said, someone might see it. *smile* But, please don't allow the dredging of these memories and feelings to take you to any dark places. You have a great amount of fans, a lovely number of friends, and a wonderful Holy God -- and of course, if God is for you ... who can be against you ...yes?
Anyway, I'm sending a hug - and I'm proud of you -- if that means anything a'tall.
Love ya!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Dawn,
Isn't it utterly fascinating those things in our life that shape and mold our characters? I'm a 'thinker'. I spend countless hours spinning thoughts around on a gopher wheel in my head, retracing my childhood and what the adults in my life said and did and how it affected me THEN and what that did to make the ME I am NOW. It's so crazy that a simple sentence a teacher spoke in an off-handed way stuck in my brain and has replayed for 45 years.
Life events shape us; there's no getting around us. We either rise above them or we fall and are crushed beneath them. Obviously, you are not a crushee. *smile*
You are strong and brilliant and you are a survivor. Like it or not, your life made the you that you are - and the YOU that we all respect and admire. The YOU that has accomplished what so many others here only hope to do.
I realize this is one of those cathartic pieces that one must bring forth from time to time -- oh, not me -- I'm too much of a coward to put things like this on paper.
Like you said, someone might see it. *smile* But, please don't allow the dredging of these memories and feelings to take you to any dark places. You have a great amount of fans, a lovely number of friends, and a wonderful Holy God -- and of course, if God is for you ... who can be against you ...yes?
Anyway, I'm sending a hug - and I'm proud of you -- if that means anything a'tall.
Love ya!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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"If that means anything a'tall"? You have to be kidding. Yours is the second review today to get me bawling. Thank you, Robyn.
I wish I could tell you that 'dark places' have no part of my life, except in my imagination (when I write certain things), but I'd be less than honest if I said such a thing. My 'dark places' have grown as I've aged,and as life has taken more shots at me --(*sigh*, *pity-party*- lol) The only good I can find in that is that it's made some writing (of poetry especially) fairly easy. But hey, there are so many people SO much worse off, and you're right - with God, all things are possible, even joy in trying circumstances.
Love back, you!
Dawn XOO
Comment from barbara.wilkey
And isn't it healthier to express your feelings? Yes, I do feel it is healthier and important to express feelings, but I also believe there is a proper and improper way to express those feelings. As adults we should be able to express our true feelings in appropriate ways. That being said, I enjoyed reading your contest entry and wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Another heat-wrenching experience was missing out on my youngest niece's wedding. (heart-wrenching???)
My Mom had been raising two children before I came along. (lower case 'm' on mom because of the my)
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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And isn't it healthier to express your feelings? Yes, I do feel it is healthier and important to express feelings, but I also believe there is a proper and improper way to express those feelings. As adults we should be able to express our true feelings in appropriate ways. That being said, I enjoyed reading your contest entry and wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Another heat-wrenching experience was missing out on my youngest niece's wedding. (heart-wrenching???)
My Mom had been raising two children before I came along. (lower case 'm' on mom because of the my)
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thanks so much, Barbara, and I'll make that "M" correction right away! Re: heart-wrenching - yes, it was (and still is). Is this questioning the term or the feeling? (Both are legit anyway, but thank you. :)) OH! I get it now - you're the best!
Comment from Sasha
Please do not take this the wrong way. I am now so depressed I need to go for a walk in the hot sun to find something to complain about. Your essay overwhelmed me and made me realize how fortunate I am. Our stories are similar except I accept my solitary life and avoid human contact as much as possible, That is my way of living a life with a family that wishes I were dead (they actually put it in writing, so, no, I am not exaggerating). Take a deep breath and know you have real friends that love you even if you have never met them.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Please do not take this the wrong way. I am now so depressed I need to go for a walk in the hot sun to find something to complain about. Your essay overwhelmed me and made me realize how fortunate I am. Our stories are similar except I accept my solitary life and avoid human contact as much as possible, That is my way of living a life with a family that wishes I were dead (they actually put it in writing, so, no, I am not exaggerating). Take a deep breath and know you have real friends that love you even if you have never met them.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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I can't imagine how I could take this review as anything but the wonderfully kind and loving review it is - not only do you illustrate that I did something right in how I wrote my story, your personal comment moves me so deeply, I'm in tears. Thank you, my friend - right back at you. We don't choose our families - thank God we can choose our friends.
Love,
Dawn
Comment from Ricky1024
This 'Share Your Story's Contest Entree was written from the Heart and Soul.
Many times a Poet will share only the one.
Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly and it flowed well.
Good luck with this and have a blessed day.
Dr Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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This 'Share Your Story's Contest Entree was written from the Heart and Soul.
Many times a Poet will share only the one.
Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly and it flowed well.
Good luck with this and have a blessed day.
Dr Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you very much. Unlike a lot of things I write that flow easily, this one was difficult, probably because I needed it said but wanted to make it clear that there's still love and forgiveness... It was so hard, I actually posted it a few times, going back and forth with how I wanted to say certain things. So you can imagine how much your review means to me - I actually fear what might be said about it. I'm very grateful, Ricky.
Comment from evilynne
Hi Dawn! Your story is interesting, well written. It touches our hearts in an honest fashion, makes us think. You certainly have had your share of challenges! Best of luck in the contest. Evi
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Hi Dawn! Your story is interesting, well written. It touches our hearts in an honest fashion, makes us think. You certainly have had your share of challenges! Best of luck in the contest. Evi
Comment Written 11-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2018
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Thank you very much. Unlike a lot of things I write that flow easily, this one was difficult, probably because I needed it said but wanted to make it clear that there's still love and forgiveness... It was so hard, I actually posted it a few times, going back and forth with how I wanted to say certain things. So you can imagine how much your review means to me - I actually fear what might be said about it. I'm very grateful, Evilynne.
