A Time To Step
Dick Van Dyke, but my roof38 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Victor. I don't think many understood the true nature of your write how you write with true respect and love of women and perhaps with the surprise of a special lady that returns your feelings. I have to say this one caught me by surprise and I truly thought it beautiful. It's lovely my friend. xx Kiwi
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2018
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Hi Victor. I don't think many understood the true nature of your write how you write with true respect and love of women and perhaps with the surprise of a special lady that returns your feelings. I have to say this one caught me by surprise and I truly thought it beautiful. It's lovely my friend. xx Kiwi
Comment Written 06-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2018
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Thank you, dear. (smile)
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Victor, a good and very amusing poem. 'Dick Van Dyke, but my roof' - that made me smile - man with the worst Cockney accent but a great film. I sang my way through your poem. It worked and I tried reading between the lines! Well done. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2018
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Hi Victor, a good and very amusing poem. 'Dick Van Dyke, but my roof' - that made me smile - man with the worst Cockney accent but a great film. I sang my way through your poem. It worked and I tried reading between the lines! Well done. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 06-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2018
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Ha ha. Thank you, dear.
Comment from rama devi
Great paroday of the famous song. Mary Poppin's musical seems to feature greatly on FS today. Just reviewed another parody from that film (by Gloria).
Favorite bits;
Just
to be stirred in
the great Milieu
AND
A pot
A cauldron
And merriment too
All boiled to candles
I carry for you
Stumbled slightly here:
Takes infirmity
my hand
my... indomitable ignorance
Did you mean BY hand?
Takes infirmity
by hand
my... indomitable ignorance
That would make more sense to me.
Optional spag suggestion:
"The rain is coming,(;)
this too shall wash away."
I like the closing. Suggest not using the ellipses, as it gives an unnatural sense of pause read aloud (to my ear):
She smiles...at me
as I begin to melt
Just suggestions. This is a highly original rewrite of that song!
Well done. Fine presentation. Nice to see you posting. Haven't seen you in a long time.
Blessings,
rd
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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Great paroday of the famous song. Mary Poppin's musical seems to feature greatly on FS today. Just reviewed another parody from that film (by Gloria).
Favorite bits;
Just
to be stirred in
the great Milieu
AND
A pot
A cauldron
And merriment too
All boiled to candles
I carry for you
Stumbled slightly here:
Takes infirmity
my hand
my... indomitable ignorance
Did you mean BY hand?
Takes infirmity
by hand
my... indomitable ignorance
That would make more sense to me.
Optional spag suggestion:
"The rain is coming,(;)
this too shall wash away."
I like the closing. Suggest not using the ellipses, as it gives an unnatural sense of pause read aloud (to my ear):
She smiles...at me
as I begin to melt
Just suggestions. This is a highly original rewrite of that song!
Well done. Fine presentation. Nice to see you posting. Haven't seen you in a long time.
Blessings,
rd
Comment Written 05-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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I think you are right on the ellipses. I disagree on the rest. What a surprise. Lol
Comment from Zue65
I enjoyed the way you gave a fresh look at the immortalized lines of Dick Van Dyke. It grabbed the attention of the readers and made your poem much more interesting. Very well done.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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I enjoyed the way you gave a fresh look at the immortalized lines of Dick Van Dyke. It grabbed the attention of the readers and made your poem much more interesting. Very well done.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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Thank you.
Comment from Colette
I enjoyed this, even heard the tune in my head then you added your personal words and style, that did it for me.
"She looks
and she laughs
at the hill
in her path
"Come," she says
Takes infirmity
my hand
my... indomitable ignorance
"The rain is coming,
this too shall wash away."
She smiles...at me
as I begin to melt"
Absolutely lovely.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
|
I enjoyed this, even heard the tune in my head then you added your personal words and style, that did it for me.
"She looks
and she laughs
at the hill
in her path
"Come," she says
Takes infirmity
my hand
my... indomitable ignorance
"The rain is coming,
this too shall wash away."
She smiles...at me
as I begin to melt"
Absolutely lovely.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
-
You are too kind, but thank you.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Takes infirmity
my hand
my... indomitable ignorance
"The rain is coming,
this too shall wash away."
She smiles...at me
as I begin to melt ...Love the use of those famous lines along with your own excellent ones well done with this Victor kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
|
Takes infirmity
my hand
my... indomitable ignorance
"The rain is coming,
this too shall wash away."
She smiles...at me
as I begin to melt ...Love the use of those famous lines along with your own excellent ones well done with this Victor kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 05-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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Thank you. Your review made me smile.
Comment from RGstar
Always like what you write,Victor. The opening as well the rhythm reminds of that famous children's song...I think from Mary Poppins where I think it is Chim, chimney , Chim chimney, Chim Chim cheroo' something like that, and the pace and joy of it carries the reader through...then the beautiful ending you give.
Great write.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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Always like what you write,Victor. The opening as well the rhythm reminds of that famous children's song...I think from Mary Poppins where I think it is Chim, chimney , Chim chimney, Chim Chim cheroo' something like that, and the pace and joy of it carries the reader through...then the beautiful ending you give.
Great write.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 05-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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That was very nice of you. I do not forget you, my friend. I, as always, beg the excuse of...little time, tho, I'm sure this wears thin. Smile, Doug
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hey, Vic.
What kid hasn't seen Mary Poppins, I ask ya'?
And of the kids who have seen this iconic classic, how many of them can't help but fall in love with the lanky, limber and lovably loony character, Mr. Bert Dawes, Sr., the chimney sweeper, played to the hilt by actor Dick Van Dyke?
Your poem pays homage to the child-like spirit of the film and its cast.
Well done...
~Dean
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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Hey, Vic.
What kid hasn't seen Mary Poppins, I ask ya'?
And of the kids who have seen this iconic classic, how many of them can't help but fall in love with the lanky, limber and lovably loony character, Mr. Bert Dawes, Sr., the chimney sweeper, played to the hilt by actor Dick Van Dyke?
Your poem pays homage to the child-like spirit of the film and its cast.
Well done...
~Dean
Comment Written 05-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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Smile. Thank you, Dean.
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My pleasure. :)
Comment from Gloria ....
I love those old musicals, well I love new musicals too, just so rarely get into the big city to see one anymore.
Mary Poppins is a classic even if the chimney sweep wasn't a delightful job for the wee ones doing it.
I much enjoyed your poem along with it. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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I love those old musicals, well I love new musicals too, just so rarely get into the big city to see one anymore.
Mary Poppins is a classic even if the chimney sweep wasn't a delightful job for the wee ones doing it.
I much enjoyed your poem along with it. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 04-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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Hi Gloria. We will talk soon. Doug. Oh, and, thank you.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, A Time to Step, begins in familiar territory then leaves me guessing as to where I ended up. I got lost towards the end with both the meter and the message. Happy day.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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This poem, A Time to Step, begins in familiar territory then leaves me guessing as to where I ended up. I got lost towards the end with both the meter and the message. Happy day.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2018
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Ha. Perhaps, perhaps...I did too.
