Comment from aanneee

Excellent

How could one not like this This Sentence Starts The Story contest write of yours? The last lines made everything very clear but before that you had my old head just a'wondering big time about Harry. I know it was the Hansel and Gretel fund raiser but it didn't sink into my old head that it was a children's ball, but that adults were collecting for children, fooled me...chuckling away and good luck on this contest...Dinah

 Comment Written 31-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks, Dinah. I was concentrating on the wording, I guess. The age level was, at best, juvenile.

reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks, Dinah. I was concentrating on the wording, I guess. The age level was, at best, juvenile.

Comment from HarryT

Excellent

Great story telling. Love the alliteration. Held my interesting as I am able to relate to Harry, but fortunately was not being enveloped by the girl's inner chemistry. It is not easy to make character seem real in the short space of time you used, but you did it.
Really enjoyed the work.

 Comment Written 31-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks, Harry.

reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks, Harry.

Comment from apky

Excellent

Oh, poor Harry. He seems to have caught the bug
otherwise known in optimistic/pessimistic circles
as Murphy's Law.

Whatever Harry tries to do to get the girl, meaning
it as well as he could, it is bound to blow up in his face.

Thank God for the one girl Harry and the rest of us
can always rely on: Mother.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 31-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Mom came through for me - er- Harry at the end of the day.

reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Mom came through for me - er- Harry at the end of the day.