Comment from pbomar1115

Excellent

Your stories are always unconventional. I never can see the ending or how it will turn out in the end. You have an amazing imagination. I think it is the tone you create that produce the magic.

Phillip

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2018

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reply by the author on 02-Jun-2018

Thanks so much, Phillip. You're always so kind.

reply by pbomar1115 on 02-Jun-2018

You're welcome, Maria.

Phillip

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A dark, compelling story that rings that part of us that speaks to the shadow within all of us Maria, I enjoyed it with the young man trying to find his Nirvana, but getting more than he bargained for. Well done, my friend, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : (Edinborough) Edinburgh? 2: (Holliwoodesque) Hollywoodesque?

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks for reading and for noticing the typos, Roy.

reply by royowen on 31-May-2018

Most welcome Maria,

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Wow this is powerful attraction...I like the ringing of her hysterical laughter bringing him out of his reverie.
So glad he ran
Well penned
God bless

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks for reading. Take care.

Comment from damommy

Excellent

Good job, Maria. I was hooked from the first. You gave good descriptions of his surroundings and the people. I could see it all clearly.

Thank goodness, he had the presence of mind to escape that awful fate she had waiting for him.

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks for your review, Yvonne.

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Maria;

A very interesting story. I wonder how many of us would give up the chance to live forever. Is it her haunting green eyes that keep him up at night OR the missed chance for immortality?

Good luck in the contest,

~patty~

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Good question. Thanks for reading.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Mj,

You may be flirting with disqualification for this piece by using the ellipsis after the required wordage and continuing the sentence. I don't believe you are supposed to add to it. Of course it's an easy fix if you wanted to by just starting the second sentence And.



I left Edinborough in autumn - if this is Scotland, then it would be Edinburgh.

The scene at the station was holliwoodesque - Hollywoodesque.

trying to teach their spoiled children the beauties of the English language. - with an Edinburgh accent would not have been pretty! lol

It was a vengeful rain, much worse than anything I had ever seen in Scotland.- have you been to Scotland? It's like Satan pissed all over it every day!

I enjoyed this piece. It was quite different and the main character has an appealing voice.

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 29-May-2018

I've changed the spelling of Edinburgh, Gareth. I always thought you could write it both ways...
I've also written to Tom to ask him about the ellipsis. I like it this way, but if necessary, I'll change it.
About holliwoodesque I wouldn't write it with a capital letter because it's an adjective. But I might be mistaken.
Yes, I've been to Scotland. The rain thing was a way to announce that something ominous was about to happen. Imagine a place where it rains more than in Scotland!
Thanks so much for your thorough review. Take care.

reply by the author on 29-May-2018

Forget what I said about Hollywoodesque. I've just realized you're totally right.

Comment from aryr

Excellent

A good story Maria, and good luck with the contest. It had a great level of suspense and a wonderful hint of mystery. The plot line was both easy to follow and rather interesting. You provided good descriptive details which encouraged the reader to continue. Very well done, thanks for sharing.

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks for reading, Aryr.

reply by aryr on 31-May-2018

Most welcome Maria

Comment from aanneee

Excellent

A very 'capture holding' write, totally liked it and beyond and a very good offering for the contest This Sentence Starts The Story. A great character, your Bill and I wish you luck in the contest...Dinah

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks for this very kind review, Dinah.

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

This is a good entry for the contest. What I liked most about it is that you've covered several topics smoothly here--the relationship with parents, leaving home to tutor, traveling the continent, meeting the green-eyed woman, fleeing back home, and making a life with perhaps a less exciting but safer wife. Marilyn

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks for this thorough review, Marilyn.

Comment from Bucketlist

Exceptional

As a story launched from a given challenge, it was great. Story line was skillfully expressed. The Image was great and curiosity seeking.
I had confusion between you and the first person. I'm used to first person, but Billy was a boy which 'threw me off' because you start by describing him as if he was you.I'm sure it was my comprehension which was lacking.hence the 6 Stars...
Hugs, Trisha

 Comment Written 29-May-2018

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reply by the author on 31-May-2018

Thanks for the six stars, Trisha. Yes, in this case my narrator was a man as I felt like doing something a bit different (it's usually easier to choose a narrator that is the same sex as the author).
Thanks for reading and for your review.

reply by Bucketlist on 31-May-2018

Thanks for teaching me something I did not know🙂

reply by the author on 31-May-2018

You?re sweet 😘

reply by Bucketlist on 31-May-2018

Thanks!