Comment from apky

Excellent

This is a wonderful chapter and a great read, especially owing to the subject matter.

The story is engaging and instructive, the characters developed superbly with your amazing skill with words and style, combined with the subject matter you address.

I for my part was captivated and would continue to read.


I look down at the bloodied face(add-.)

 Comment Written 25-May-2018

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reply by the author on 25-May-2018

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely and warm weekend.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

I would say you have met your goal of horror. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. They is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.

 Comment Written 25-May-2018

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reply by the author on 25-May-2018

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely weekend.

reply by c_lucas on 28-May-2018

You're welcome, Ine.

Comment from meeshu

Excellent

I love your work Robina, you write in a very determined style and I find your version of English very charming. your story is scary and I need more........meeshu

 Comment Written 25-May-2018

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reply by the author on 25-May-2018

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely weekend.

Comment from LaFrance

Good

Your writing was good in your story. Yet the scary stuff in your story seemed to far away. I would like to have read it getting closer and growing more in your space. Ending it with, "I look down at the bloodied face" was not scary. Your concept is a good start.

 Comment Written 25-May-2018

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reply by the author on 25-May-2018

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely weekend.

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

This is good, Ine. The staccato delivery makes the protagonist sound out of breath and rather disjointed in thought process, which of course would be normal under intense fear.

What a horrifying ending too when all that is left of the wife is her bedsheets. YIKES

What happened?

Excellent story so keep going.

Gloria

 Comment Written 25-May-2018

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reply by the author on 25-May-2018

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely weekend.

Comment from His Grayness

Excellent

I am certainly hoping that I read this right as a totally imaginative writing for shock and horror effect!! Then I checked again to see if it was Dean Kuch, author of terror! but overall, I'm still confused but give it good rating for great writing! HIS GRAYNESS: VANCE

 Comment Written 24-May-2018

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reply by the author on 25-May-2018

Thanks for your kind review, Ine. Have a lovely weekend.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

Hi Ine,
This story is eerie and ends with the horror becoming real, rather than just a crazy dream. Many sentences need to be revised, because they are fragmented. This distr@cts the reader from follo2ing the plot. A sentenc3 by sentence revision would be necessary if this were a contest. If you want, I can do a line by line revision.

 Comment Written 24-May-2018

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reply by the author on 24-May-2018

thanks for your kind review, ine. have a good last part of week. I will do it tomorrow, thanks fr the kind offer

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

This is quite a story. I feel like it's the Wolfman, Dracula, and the zombies all rolled into one. You do an excellent job of conveying the terror. I was confused about the gender of the narrator until you reveal at the end when you mention the wife. Oh, dear, is that the wife's bloodied face? Did the narrator run amok in his dream and commit the violence? You need to do some editing before show time. Check for missing words in some sentences. Example "After an interminable time stops crying." What stops crying? "Shame I'm not"--another unclear one. Next to last paragraph: "The bedroom door is screaming" doesn't make sense. These are just a few places that need attention. Look the story over carefully and read it aloud. I feel that you're rushing through these posts. Not meaning to be picky, but you want your writing to be as clear as possible. judi

 Comment Written 24-May-2018

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reply by the author on 24-May-2018

thanks for your kind review, ine. have a good last part of week.

reply by judiverse on 24-May-2018

You're welcome. I sincerely hope you will take another good look at this post or maybe have someone go over it with you. Take your time! judi

reply by the author on 24-May-2018

yes

reply by judiverse on 24-May-2018

Good! It's a truly scary story, but needs to be clearer in places. judi

reply by the author on 24-May-2018

i'll look at it

Comment from Desiree Duskin

Excellent

I agree with the other comments about the fragmented sentences, but I wonder if it's due to you being Dutch? It was a good story line, though, and reading that you are an accomplished poet, I would love to see you do something like this horror story in the format of a poem. It almost even read like a poem. I'm a fan! :)

 Comment Written 24-May-2018

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reply by the author on 24-May-2018

thanks for your kind review, ine. have a good last part of week.

Comment from Swampfox1

Excellent

I wish you'd have written some author notes to give a deeper insight into the story. The beginning is somewhat confusing. You might be doing it purposefully but there is broken English at the beginning, incomplete sentences. I don't know if that is how you intended it to be or not. If you want it that way, then I would suggest making it dialogue. "I open my eyes and look around. Ink black darkness. Fear not caught me so this should be a normal " ink black darkness is an incomplete sentence.

 Comment Written 24-May-2018

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reply by the author on 24-May-2018

thanks for your kind review, ine. have a good last part of week.

reply by Swampfox1 on 24-May-2018

Thank you, you're welcome, and you too, have a great last part of the week.