FAMILY TIES.
Viewing comments for Chapter 77 "Jump!""ALL IN THE FAMILY."
3 total reviews
Comment from Marge Setzer
I loved reading this. You caught me right at the beginning where I thought you were talking with a buddy. Complete surprise when it turned out to be your wife. Reread it and think friend is misleading - maybe "lifetime friend?" Mixing rhymes with dialogue was interesting and kept my attention. I did find it confusing when you didn't rhyme. The rhythm you establish in the first two stanzas worked well. Then you used dialogue - fine. But the next narrative sequence -the stanza beginning "You and I have decided....." and the stanza after that - "We've taken vigilant..." weren't rhyming. When you rhyme between sections of dialogue, the poem moves more smoothly. I would suggest you look at each narrative section and experiment with your initial rhyming technique. The idea was clever and creative and I noticed another attempt at a subtle moral to the story. Good job. Marge
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I loved reading this. You caught me right at the beginning where I thought you were talking with a buddy. Complete surprise when it turned out to be your wife. Reread it and think friend is misleading - maybe "lifetime friend?" Mixing rhymes with dialogue was interesting and kept my attention. I did find it confusing when you didn't rhyme. The rhythm you establish in the first two stanzas worked well. Then you used dialogue - fine. But the next narrative sequence -the stanza beginning "You and I have decided....." and the stanza after that - "We've taken vigilant..." weren't rhyming. When you rhyme between sections of dialogue, the poem moves more smoothly. I would suggest you look at each narrative section and experiment with your initial rhyming technique. The idea was clever and creative and I noticed another attempt at a subtle moral to the story. Good job. Marge
Comment Written 24-May-2018
Comment from meeshu
that was a great story in free verse format. very exciting and dangerous. great suspense and eventually a happy ending. good work, Rhonnie..........meeshu
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that was a great story in free verse format. very exciting and dangerous. great suspense and eventually a happy ending. good work, Rhonnie..........meeshu
Comment Written 24-May-2018
Comment from Gideon300
What a wonderful sharing of an experience and love in a story. I love the details, I loved the emotion. It made me think I was in the plane feeling all of those things like a story should. I could even hear the thoughts in my own head as I read yours. Great read.
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What a wonderful sharing of an experience and love in a story. I love the details, I loved the emotion. It made me think I was in the plane feeling all of those things like a story should. I could even hear the thoughts in my own head as I read yours. Great read.
Comment Written 24-May-2018
