Sins of Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Sebastian's Curse/Part Two"A Novel of the Breedline series
6 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I love the way you've woven the fact that a child is not subject to their birth, more to the environment that houses them, cruelty is learnt not inherited. But, of course, there must be some reason why he and his twin, Thomas, turned as they did. But, as you allude to, genetics plays a vital role in a child's inherited gifting. I believe God can change all that, apart from rebirth, the offspring of a child of God, (Psalm 112.1-2) well done dear girl, an excellent episode. I love the way you weave your interlocking story. Blessings, Roy
Typo : to show him any motherly affection('s) 2: the Montgomery(')s 3: Eliza was born pure(ly) of heart.
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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I love the way you've woven the fact that a child is not subject to their birth, more to the environment that houses them, cruelty is learnt not inherited. But, of course, there must be some reason why he and his twin, Thomas, turned as they did. But, as you allude to, genetics plays a vital role in a child's inherited gifting. I believe God can change all that, apart from rebirth, the offspring of a child of God, (Psalm 112.1-2) well done dear girl, an excellent episode. I love the way you weave your interlocking story. Blessings, Roy
Typo : to show him any motherly affection('s) 2: the Montgomery(')s 3: Eliza was born pure(ly) of heart.
Comment Written 22-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Thank you, Roy :)
Yes, I do agree. A child is never born with darkness in their heart. I believe terrible things can happen to a child, creating darkness. But... I also know goodness is stronger than evil. When you except God in your heart, you will see the light. As the story continues, you will read the terrible traumatic things Sebastian went through. You will also see his compassion shine past the dark side. Believe it or not... Sebastian's character is my alter-ego. Something from his past caused darkness to take over him, but when he is tired of living a life of darkness, he pleads to God for help. Of course, God hears all. And then the story turns to light.
Thank you for your support my dear friend. And thank you for catching my typos. YOU make a difference.
Always your friend and fan,
Shana :)
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That's all God needs, to be needed, one has to humble himself, Sebastion is also my alter-ego. Rejoicing in Heaven when one sinner repents, well done dear girl. Just love people coming to the light, weeeeH congrats, Roy
Comment from ngage
Ms. Shana, you have managed to blow me away once again with your magical imagination. Your storytelling is outstanding and very believable my friend.
How you take the reader to a new world of creativity is mind baffling. I adore the part with Anna. Her loving Sebastian as a brother takes the story to a new level. Now, we get to find out Sebastian's back story. Clever girl!
Nate
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Ms. Shana, you have managed to blow me away once again with your magical imagination. Your storytelling is outstanding and very believable my friend.
How you take the reader to a new world of creativity is mind baffling. I adore the part with Anna. Her loving Sebastian as a brother takes the story to a new level. Now, we get to find out Sebastian's back story. Clever girl!
Nate
Comment Written 22-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Thank you my dear friend :)
So glad I entertained you once again. Your support is so important. It gives me that pep in my step I need. Sometimes I get discouraged, but you lift me up.
Always grateful,
Shana :)
Comment from Ina L. Jones
This is the first time I've read a story in this category. I am delighted with the way it took my interest to read more. Thank you for that. I do like the way you blended flashback into the main plot. Reading your story had no hiccups for me.
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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This is the first time I've read a story in this category. I am delighted with the way it took my interest to read more. Thank you for that. I do like the way you blended flashback into the main plot. Reading your story had no hiccups for me.
Comment Written 22-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Thank you, Ina :)
I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. This was a sad chapter, but it takes you into Sebastian's past. It's important for me to tell his back story.
Hope to hear from you again.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from apky
Awwww, how sweet! This picture you chose for this chapter is heart-warming and makes me care for Sebastian.
And what a read this was, taking us back to Sebastian's unfortunate circumstances at birth. I was enthralled, gobbling down every word, as eager as, and for, Sebastian. When it turns out that the baby is Sebastian, I was actually relieved. I know I missed the first two books or so, but since I really only read about the Montgomers in this chapter, I have no reason to like them much - yet.
Otherwise, and apart from small nits below, Brilliant!
Dr. Helen Carrington was right with them and said, "What's the patience(patient's) status?"
(add-")A severe laceration to the neck, and he's unconscious," barked one of the paramedics.
I got a little confused in the interaction between Lucifer (in the form of Thomas) and Sebastian, particularly when Lucifer tells Sebastian that his mother got pregnant with "you and your twin brother, Thoma." Does this mean that Lucifer only looks like Thomas but Sebastian knows he's not Thomas but Lucifer? If yes, then you need to make this clear so that the reader is not jarred and halted while reading this.
ou are not allowed to show him any motherly affection's(affection - I'd keep this in the singular, but if you want the plural then you don't need the apostrophe before the s).
To Eliza, the Montgomery's(I'm not sure here, but do you add an apostrophe to the plural of such nouns? In 'Britain it would be simply the Montgomerys or the Sconegroves or the Castells, lol) were spoiled and wasteful... a shame to the Breedline species.
where Mr. Montgomery allowed her and her daughter Anna to live in(replace the semi colon with a comma); she called out, "Yes, sweetheart. It's just me."
"No(,) sweetheart. We're to care for the babe from now on."
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Awwww, how sweet! This picture you chose for this chapter is heart-warming and makes me care for Sebastian.
And what a read this was, taking us back to Sebastian's unfortunate circumstances at birth. I was enthralled, gobbling down every word, as eager as, and for, Sebastian. When it turns out that the baby is Sebastian, I was actually relieved. I know I missed the first two books or so, but since I really only read about the Montgomers in this chapter, I have no reason to like them much - yet.
Otherwise, and apart from small nits below, Brilliant!
Dr. Helen Carrington was right with them and said, "What's the patience(patient's) status?"
(add-")A severe laceration to the neck, and he's unconscious," barked one of the paramedics.
I got a little confused in the interaction between Lucifer (in the form of Thomas) and Sebastian, particularly when Lucifer tells Sebastian that his mother got pregnant with "you and your twin brother, Thoma." Does this mean that Lucifer only looks like Thomas but Sebastian knows he's not Thomas but Lucifer? If yes, then you need to make this clear so that the reader is not jarred and halted while reading this.
ou are not allowed to show him any motherly affection's(affection - I'd keep this in the singular, but if you want the plural then you don't need the apostrophe before the s).
To Eliza, the Montgomery's(I'm not sure here, but do you add an apostrophe to the plural of such nouns? In 'Britain it would be simply the Montgomerys or the Sconegroves or the Castells, lol) were spoiled and wasteful... a shame to the Breedline species.
where Mr. Montgomery allowed her and her daughter Anna to live in(replace the semi colon with a comma); she called out, "Yes, sweetheart. It's just me."
"No(,) sweetheart. We're to care for the babe from now on."
Comment Written 22-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Thank you my talented friend :)
You are soooooo helpful! I can't believe I didn't catch all this. You have a great eye! You're support and advice means the world to me. I hope it's okay that I thanked you in my book. You have made the difference. I've learned so much from you, and continue to do so.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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You thanked me in your book? Why, darling, that's a great honour for me. I thank YOU!
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You have been so supportive and helpful to me. No one else takes the time to give me advice. You make a difference. :)
Comment from Mistydawn
What a great chapter so well-written interesting. It got my attention from the start held it to the very end. I bet that was a heck of an awaking for Sebastion, finding out what happened to him. I wonder how he's going to handle the news.
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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What a great chapter so well-written interesting. It got my attention from the start held it to the very end. I bet that was a heck of an awaking for Sebastion, finding out what happened to him. I wonder how he's going to handle the news.
Comment Written 21-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Thank you, Misty :)
Your feedback is so great to hear. In this book, it was important for me to tell Sebastian's back story. I hope you continue to enjoy reading.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose your memory. Just horrible. I liked this additional chapter. Good dialogue and the story is easy to visualize with your descriptive writing, and I couldn't help noticing your author notes, which are epic and fill in the gaps for the reader. I have no suggestions for improvement and thanks for sharing this work, which I found a pleasure to read ad review, Ana.
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Hello, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to lose your memory. Just horrible. I liked this additional chapter. Good dialogue and the story is easy to visualize with your descriptive writing, and I couldn't help noticing your author notes, which are epic and fill in the gaps for the reader. I have no suggestions for improvement and thanks for sharing this work, which I found a pleasure to read ad review, Ana.
Comment Written 21-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Thank you, Ana :)
So nice to hear from you. I love your positive feedback. It does help motivate my writing. As the story moves on, you'll find out why Sebastian turns out the way he did. Even though he is the villain in the other series, I think most readers will feel compassion for him.
Thanks again,
Shana :)
