Poem Electrika
Just an abstract for some fun~10 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Vance
smiles yes you have an abstract way of telling us of what writers' fingers type on the computer wake up our brains from the tiny watts of electricity we receive from out computers so we can express our novel or should I say unique thoughts
The one thing I had was that you didn't break up your thoughts into small paragraphs to make us readers to take time and think about
of what you said, before we continue to read
more of your reflections ( brilliant thoughts)
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Hi Vance
smiles yes you have an abstract way of telling us of what writers' fingers type on the computer wake up our brains from the tiny watts of electricity we receive from out computers so we can express our novel or should I say unique thoughts
The one thing I had was that you didn't break up your thoughts into small paragraphs to make us readers to take time and think about
of what you said, before we continue to read
more of your reflections ( brilliant thoughts)
Gert
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much Gert and please know I'm trying to get some progress on reviewing your portfolio but life, doctors, and interrupts keep ruling my days! Hang in there...I shall prevail! Vance
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I understand Vance
I have Yes, four Doctor's appointments this week and as you said yourself do disrupt the things that I would rather do i
will read more from your portifilo next week
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written abstract poem. It is the little things that inspire us daily that end up on the paper in ink. Just to let you know the font color on the black background makes it very hard to read.
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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A very well-written abstract poem. It is the little things that inspire us daily that end up on the paper in ink. Just to let you know the font color on the black background makes it very hard to read.
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Thank you Sandra, for another lovely review and generous stars! so much appreciated and as always, a true delight to hear from you! Stay tuned please! Vance
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Vance;
Such a unique look at the computer screens we use to artistically craft our words.
I loved the details you used such as the molecules of ink.
I don't think I will be able to write anything without these thoughts.
patty
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Hi, Vance;
Such a unique look at the computer screens we use to artistically craft our words.
I loved the details you used such as the molecules of ink.
I don't think I will be able to write anything without these thoughts.
patty
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Hi very dear Patty! And thanks so sincerely for this really lovely and uplifting review! So wonderful to hear from you always and hope to see you again soon! Vance
Comment from kiwijenny
Your Grayness can I suggest for us older people with glasses and eye strain that you don't write a poem with red on red.
But having said that I love your fun words like toggle and mind wobble..
It was fun.
God bless
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Your Grayness can I suggest for us older people with glasses and eye strain that you don't write a poem with red on red.
But having said that I love your fun words like toggle and mind wobble..
It was fun.
God bless
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Thanks so much kiwijenny for your lovely review and stars and I appreciate your feedback on the font coloration. I was trying to incorporate a reality feel with the poem bug I guess it was a bit more problematic than meaningful. Please stay tuned! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from judiverse
This is very creative, and I love the idea of the watts crawling onto the paper, hoping to see what's happening. Writers are always hoping to find something new that will have emotional appeal. The writer can only hope that something will emerge to drive the readers to really get in synch with the writer. Great work with sound in this. The third from last line is a prime example. For more accessibility, use more contrast between the font and the background. It's hard to read. Also, Break it up into stanzas, at least two. The long lines will look less intimidating if you do. judi
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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This is very creative, and I love the idea of the watts crawling onto the paper, hoping to see what's happening. Writers are always hoping to find something new that will have emotional appeal. The writer can only hope that something will emerge to drive the readers to really get in synch with the writer. Great work with sound in this. The third from last line is a prime example. For more accessibility, use more contrast between the font and the background. It's hard to read. Also, Break it up into stanzas, at least two. The long lines will look less intimidating if you do. judi
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Thanks so much judi, for the great review and stars, and also the tip on the font coloration which has definitely fed back some dismay from other review's. I was trying to be clever in blending the coloration with the circumstance of the poetry which was truly a bad idea, noted by other reviews, so I do thank you so much for the wonderful perspective....as always! Blessings and sincere thanks! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
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You're very welcome. Changing font color is an easy fix. judi
Comment from jdrhye
Very well said! I love it... The enlighten
Name the of new words! I often receive unfavorable critiques either due to using words that are not within the "normal" scope of knowledge or writing so vividly that the art or image I choose makes it seem as though the poem cannot stand on its own. I love the eloquence with which you have taken a word and encompass it. It's clever, witty and refreshing! Bravo!
J
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Very well said! I love it... The enlighten
Name the of new words! I often receive unfavorable critiques either due to using words that are not within the "normal" scope of knowledge or writing so vividly that the art or image I choose makes it seem as though the poem cannot stand on its own. I love the eloquence with which you have taken a word and encompass it. It's clever, witty and refreshing! Bravo!
J
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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WOW jdrhye! Thanks so much for your truly uplifting review and really uplifting stars, so much appreciated.! I am super delighted that you liked this work and you have really made my day, as this was really a fun intention and I'm glad it worked1 Blessings always! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
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Your most welcomed
J
Comment from apky
That this is abstruct? Yes, I got that all right.
My problem is all the far reaches beyond my little brain
beyond my poem-reader heart. I sigh. And ask, pray tell, what should Isay to this:
the cells of the brain that wobble in hopes that something truly novel will take light and shine upon the waiting screen of constantly stimulated watts, everlastingly driving their readers to catch the vision of what's up? ..OK? got it now??
*Have a laugh and a great weekend.*
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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That this is abstruct? Yes, I got that all right.
My problem is all the far reaches beyond my little brain
beyond my poem-reader heart. I sigh. And ask, pray tell, what should Isay to this:
the cells of the brain that wobble in hopes that something truly novel will take light and shine upon the waiting screen of constantly stimulated watts, everlastingly driving their readers to catch the vision of what's up? ..OK? got it now??
*Have a laugh and a great weekend.*
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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OK! and super thanks! apky for this really uplifting, thoughtful, and fun review! You've made my day! GOT THAT!! GREAT!!
Comment from Dawn Munro
HAHAHA! Got it! Watt's up, Your Greyness? This is absolutely synapse stirring, your fun abstract poem. I enjoyed every stimulating word, and have a huge grin on my face, Vance. Thank you for sharing such a joyous jaunt!
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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HAHAHA! Got it! Watt's up, Your Greyness? This is absolutely synapse stirring, your fun abstract poem. I enjoyed every stimulating word, and have a huge grin on my face, Vance. Thank you for sharing such a joyous jaunt!
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Hi Dawn and thanks so much for this really uplifting and encouraging review and letting me know that this work has met it's intention to create some joy and light in someone's life! Now, you have made my day! Blessings always! Vance
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Your poem made mine, Vance! Blessings to you too, sweet man.
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Oh, dear Dawn!! you have made my day and I just keep lovin' you more n' more! Blessings love and hugs! Vance
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Love and hugs back, you! XXOO
Comment from rama devi
Imaginative, whimsical and fun! I enjoyed this original write, dearest Vance.
I like the personification and imagery and tone.
Good flow too, though I would have preferred some line breaks for pause effect. It works fine as a poetic prose paragraph too.
Suggestion: Cap and quotes for the name "What's Up?" Example:
POEMELECTRIKA: tiny watts crawl carefully onto the paper and into the dark rows of ink, hoping to find their big brother: "What's Up?" to enlighten them as to what is happening in the people world of words!
* as they astound the tiny watts(,) unknown to the poet(,) who is constantly fixated upon other forms of more common human energy,
* the waiting screen of constantly(-)stimulated watts, everlastingly driving their readers
*to catch the vision of what's up? ..OK? got it now??
Bit awkward. Suggest a line break instead of ellipses, and caps on the name, and spelling OK as Okay:
to catch the vision of What's Up?
Okay? Got it now??
Yes, got it!
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Imaginative, whimsical and fun! I enjoyed this original write, dearest Vance.
I like the personification and imagery and tone.
Good flow too, though I would have preferred some line breaks for pause effect. It works fine as a poetic prose paragraph too.
Suggestion: Cap and quotes for the name "What's Up?" Example:
POEMELECTRIKA: tiny watts crawl carefully onto the paper and into the dark rows of ink, hoping to find their big brother: "What's Up?" to enlighten them as to what is happening in the people world of words!
* as they astound the tiny watts(,) unknown to the poet(,) who is constantly fixated upon other forms of more common human energy,
* the waiting screen of constantly(-)stimulated watts, everlastingly driving their readers
*to catch the vision of what's up? ..OK? got it now??
Bit awkward. Suggest a line break instead of ellipses, and caps on the name, and spelling OK as Okay:
to catch the vision of What's Up?
Okay? Got it now??
Yes, got it!
Love,
rd
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Thanks so much DEAREST rama for another uplifting and stimulating, and helpful review! So glad you enjoyed this so please stay close. Really appreciate the excellent tips! Blessings always! Vance
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Blessings always! :-))))
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Thank you so much my dear and sincerely precious Rama, for your great review and feedback as always! Blessings and love always)))))) Vance
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Thank you dear and precious rama, for your always excellent review, much appreciated! Vance. cccccccccccc
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xxxxxoooo :-))))) !!
Comment from lyenochka
I like your personification of poetry that sparks the electronic waves in our brains to connect with the poem. The only critique I have is that the red fonts on magenta background makes it very hard to read.
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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I like your personification of poetry that sparks the electronic waves in our brains to connect with the poem. The only critique I have is that the red fonts on magenta background makes it very hard to read.
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 19-May-2018
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Thanks so much lyenochka for the great review and stars and Yes, you are right about the font coloration as I was trying to be too clever with that, thinking it would improve the connection with the poem ! much appreciated as always! Blessings: Vance
