Comment from Sharon Haiste

Excellent

I think this is a good entry for the Free Verse writing prompt.
Your verse tells Albert's story clearly.
Well done and good luck to you with this on in the competition.
Sharon

 Comment Written 21-May-2018

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reply by the author on 21-May-2018

Thanks Sharon.

Comment from ameen786

Excellent

My friend, by naming the main character of this sad saga of homelessness, you have personalize the story that resonates with the reader and ending with 'then'-leaves the reader imagining..........

 Comment Written 20-May-2018

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reply by the author on 20-May-2018

Many thanks for reviewing

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

An excellent free verse poem Jeni. ONe often wonders when seeing a homeless person, what happened, where they came from, how did they get to this point.
This a real life variation of a 'back story' for on of the less fortunate.

Well done.
Blessings
Janet

 Comment Written 20-May-2018

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reply by the author on 20-May-2018

Many thanks Janet for your review. Much appreciated. Jen.

Comment from Sarah B Sullivan

Good

Strong points in the poem of showing his discomfort, although the first stanza also describes the situation as peaceful. Poem might be more effective without naming the character, unless it is part of some narrative series. It makes it more generalized, easier for readers to identify.
Murky canal is a great description, sort of a metaphor for his current situation, it seems. Could be a title.
Thank you!

 Comment Written 20-May-2018

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reply by the author on 20-May-2018

Many thanks

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

Once on that particular downward slope it is very difficult indeed to return to what might be described as normal life. This excellent piece of free verse spotlights this problem. It is whatever happens after "then" -- the final word of the poem but not, one suspects, the ultimate finality for its protagonist.

 Comment Written 20-May-2018

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reply by the author on 20-May-2018

Thank you so much for reviewing. Much appreciated.

Comment from meeshu

Excellent

good to see you again, Jenin. I haven't read your work for awhile. you still got it, you really paint a mental picture for the reader in this and then you leave 'em hangin'...I love it.........meeshu

 Comment Written 19-May-2018

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reply by the author on 20-May-2018

Hi Meeshu
You have made my day with your wonderful comments. Thank you so much. Take care. Love Jen.

Comment from nancyjam

Excellent

This sounds like it could be the beginning of a great
novel. You catch the readers attention and curiosity.
Nice free verse with strong images.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy

 Comment Written 19-May-2018

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reply by the author on 20-May-2018

Thank you so much for your great comments.

Comment from Air Spirit

Excellent

A very gut wrenching and tragic story (for some, maybe not for others)... but it sounds so painfully accurate of what a homeless man must go through, on at least occasions when living on the road or on the street... the ending is superb... planting the seed of eternal doubt in the reader's mind, that this probably wasn't the wises choice he had ever made... and has some big-time regrets under his shabby and torn clothing...

 Comment Written 19-May-2018

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reply by the author on 20-May-2018

Thank you so much for your grear review.

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Everyone needs to think if they could live this way forever when they start something..
I like the last word....Then
Well penned.thought provoking.
God bless

 Comment Written 19-May-2018

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reply by the author on 19-May-2018

Many thanks for yoyr grezt review.

Comment from Heather Knight

Excellent

I love poems that tell a story and yours is a perfect example. It's a very sad story and you have told it very well. I like the concluding lines very much.
Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 19-May-2018

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reply by the author on 19-May-2018

Thank you so much Maria. I am so glad you liked it. Jen x.