A Photographic Journey
An American Tragedy55 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Art Asylum;
-now I know exactly what you're pseudo name's metaphor stands for. You hopefully your artful writing will help you escape the LA area to find asylum somewhere else.
You have a very interesting bio as I always look people up when I read their poems.
-Your writing here is phenomenal and I am hopefully concerned, that you realize that I am out of sixes and if I were the owner proprietor of the site I give you an eight.
-Here are some of the Rhythmic rhyming words that I picked up While noticing they were internally and externally throughout your poem. This is a technique used to create a beat and tempo were often many of free verse writers will use and contend to say that this method is not a structured rhyming method although it can be looked at as such.
-Here are some of the words I found in the middle of your poem or is the leonine rhymes are formulated internally and externally within one line. The following shows that your writing internally and only internally.
" .....CLOTHES...... "
"...searching blindly for a clock,
four a.m., who KNOWS where I am?
End along with couplet rhyming as "blare" and"their" and "face", and "space", As external rhymes
-The context and topic of your poem which created a beautiful story where your enjambment Propels your prismatic tempo and beat fluidly throughout the writing without any hiccups or syntactical breaks in the reading and writing of your poem.
-Each rhyming word was contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line and relevant to the conceptual theme of your poem.
-What a sad tragedy of a man, so young, drives off a cliff On a summer solstice and you are right, but it is sad, That the father had to bury his son. The universal tragedy that has gone down through time since Euripides.
-Thanks for sharing and take care and have a good on my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Cheers, Art Asylum;
-now I know exactly what you're pseudo name's metaphor stands for. You hopefully your artful writing will help you escape the LA area to find asylum somewhere else.
You have a very interesting bio as I always look people up when I read their poems.
-Your writing here is phenomenal and I am hopefully concerned, that you realize that I am out of sixes and if I were the owner proprietor of the site I give you an eight.
-Here are some of the Rhythmic rhyming words that I picked up While noticing they were internally and externally throughout your poem. This is a technique used to create a beat and tempo were often many of free verse writers will use and contend to say that this method is not a structured rhyming method although it can be looked at as such.
-Here are some of the words I found in the middle of your poem or is the leonine rhymes are formulated internally and externally within one line. The following shows that your writing internally and only internally.
" .....CLOTHES...... "
"...searching blindly for a clock,
four a.m., who KNOWS where I am?
End along with couplet rhyming as "blare" and"their" and "face", and "space", As external rhymes
-The context and topic of your poem which created a beautiful story where your enjambment Propels your prismatic tempo and beat fluidly throughout the writing without any hiccups or syntactical breaks in the reading and writing of your poem.
-Each rhyming word was contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line and relevant to the conceptual theme of your poem.
-What a sad tragedy of a man, so young, drives off a cliff On a summer solstice and you are right, but it is sad, That the father had to bury his son. The universal tragedy that has gone down through time since Euripides.
-Thanks for sharing and take care and have a good on my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hello krys123,
Thanks so much for your incredible review... I completely appreciate your analysis as it give me insight to the ins and out of writing and a definition for what it means. It meant so much that you took the time to make me understand. yours, diana
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You're very welcome Diana, is not always so someone would do that with mine. But if I write it simple enough, they wouldn't have a hard time explaining it. Or I think so. It depends on the situation and story.
You're very welcome my friend and take care and have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly..
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You are sweet. yours, diana
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Take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment from Pantygynt
Somehow the pathos of this tragedy is increased by the choppy almost shorthand style of the writing that reflects state of the author, half asleep at four am, wakend by the hotel phone. It is hgard to get that sort of news at any time but to be wakened by it when all nature's defences are down is really difficult to cope with.
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Somehow the pathos of this tragedy is increased by the choppy almost shorthand style of the writing that reflects state of the author, half asleep at four am, wakend by the hotel phone. It is hgard to get that sort of news at any time but to be wakened by it when all nature's defences are down is really difficult to cope with.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Say amen to hard to get the new... especially if you know that nobody knows where you are. thanks so much Pantygynt. Thanks so much kiddo for reading and your stellar review. yours, dixo
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Diana. You are right. A parent shold never have to bury a child. Been there, done that. When and if you have time go to my portfolio and read "Top of the Mountain under short stories. It's about ten years old so you will have to go back a ways. Bless you, my friend. A lovely poem about Rick. Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hi, Diana. You are right. A parent shold never have to bury a child. Been there, done that. When and if you have time go to my portfolio and read "Top of the Mountain under short stories. It's about ten years old so you will have to go back a ways. Bless you, my friend. A lovely poem about Rick. Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Sorry Mastery. You know better than most. Unfortunately it was born out of personal experience. God Bless you and your whole family. Thank you so much for your insightful comments.I will definitely seek out your writing. yours, diana
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Thanks so much,Diana. Yeah, I think you willlike that piece. Very realistic. :) Bob
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is so sad. No parent should bury their child, but too many do. You only had twelve years with him, that's sad too. Your poem is very touching, and so emotional. Beautifully written. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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That is so sad. No parent should bury their child, but too many do. You only had twelve years with him, that's sad too. Your poem is very touching, and so emotional. Beautifully written. Sandra xx
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thanks sandramitchell for your stellar review kiddo. xo diana
Comment from estory
I think the prose poetry style here, the conversational tone, do well to capture the mood of this unsettling moment, this suicide, that we have to somehow make sense of, and we can't quite make sense of it. It is this grim face, this background noise, the hotel phone. His life seems like these moments of selling hand painted clothes, these moments of landscape photography on the California coast, and then it all suddenly goes over a cliff. I think if you pare it down into these abstract expressionist moments of this suicide and focus completely on your reaction to It, dig into your feelings, this could be a really great poem. estory
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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I think the prose poetry style here, the conversational tone, do well to capture the mood of this unsettling moment, this suicide, that we have to somehow make sense of, and we can't quite make sense of it. It is this grim face, this background noise, the hotel phone. His life seems like these moments of selling hand painted clothes, these moments of landscape photography on the California coast, and then it all suddenly goes over a cliff. I think if you pare it down into these abstract expressionist moments of this suicide and focus completely on your reaction to It, dig into your feelings, this could be a really great poem. estory
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hey estory... to create a different context here... Rick's tragic end was an accident. He was having fun doing what he liked most to do most (photography.)
Thank you so much for stating what I captured... I tend to write on the fly sometimes. Thanks for giving me the tool I need to flush it out.
I agree with you. great review here. yours, di
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello diana,
A vivid free verse about a tragic and personal event that I can only imagine. You capture the moment of the police arriving at your motel room well...Again, the only description that I can offer is "tragic."
One nit = senturion's = centurions and no apostrophe.
If I also may suggest, I would eliminate the exclamation marks as your words surely express the needed emotion.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hello diana,
A vivid free verse about a tragic and personal event that I can only imagine. You capture the moment of the police arriving at your motel room well...Again, the only description that I can offer is "tragic."
One nit = senturion's = centurions and no apostrophe.
If I also may suggest, I would eliminate the exclamation marks as your words surely express the needed emotion.
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Again Mrs. KT... you save my life... Off to fix my nit. yours, diana
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My pleasure!
I love your work, diana!
diane
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I'm truly honored. I know you are a heavy hitter and I'm coming to bat new and unpolished... If you find anything ever and please let me know. I love your word as well. I just read your mix and match form poem and loved it! yours, di
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Thank you, diana.
I am no "great shakes." I just love to write. And now that I am retired, I have more time to pursue my passion. FanStory is a great outlet...to keep me out of trouble!
I'll always have your back!
diane
Comment from apky
Hello Diana,
What a tragic story. It's true that sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. It's also true that a parent should not bury their child, if the law of nature prevails. This might have hurt you so much. But you're also right when you say:
"Holding a loop to my eye, I study images left behind.
Scanning through negatives, I fathom,
his legacy is intact as is his perfect vision! "
senturion's(did you mean "centurion" like the commander in a Roman army?) insist on invading my inner space;
They order my presence--I scoot across the floor.
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hello Diana,
What a tragic story. It's true that sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. It's also true that a parent should not bury their child, if the law of nature prevails. This might have hurt you so much. But you're also right when you say:
"Holding a loop to my eye, I study images left behind.
Scanning through negatives, I fathom,
his legacy is intact as is his perfect vision! "
senturion's(did you mean "centurion" like the commander in a Roman army?) insist on invading my inner space;
They order my presence--I scoot across the floor.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thanks apky so much for you thought review and helping me out. So very much appreciated... Looking forward. yours, diana
Comment from patcelaw
Yes indeed there are times that things can hurt and hurt deeply. May you have a blessed day and one full of joy. Patricia
typo
senturion's Should be centurions
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Yes indeed there are times that things can hurt and hurt deeply. May you have a blessed day and one full of joy. Patricia
typo
senturion's Should be centurions
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thanks kiddo my brain left my body for a moment and an image of a watch was born. Thanks so much and looking very forward.
Comment from Monica L. Moraca
A sad beautiful poem. I can only imagine what it felt like to loose someone you love and shared so much only to be taken away in a heartbeat. I agree with you 100% that no parent should bury their child - it should always be the other way around. But life is full of unanswered questions.
Well done!
Monica
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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A sad beautiful poem. I can only imagine what it felt like to loose someone you love and shared so much only to be taken away in a heartbeat. I agree with you 100% that no parent should bury their child - it should always be the other way around. But life is full of unanswered questions.
Well done!
Monica
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Life poses the unanswered question unfortunately. You honor me with a stellar review. yours, diana
Comment from dragonpoet
What horrible news to get in such a beautiful place. Sorry for your loss. It is good
that you have his pictures. A legacy to remember him by. You are right that a parent should never have to bury a child.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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What horrible news to get in such a beautiful place. Sorry for your loss. It is good
that you have his pictures. A legacy to remember him by. You are right that a parent should never have to bury a child.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hey Dragonpoet... wonderful of you to stop and read and give me a stellar review. So very appreciated. yours, diana
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No problem.
Joan
