A Photographic Journey
An American Tragedy55 total reviews
Comment from Pamusart
Hi Diana. This is a sad story. I was not into late night talk shows, but a few tunes I saw Johnny Carson. He was masterful. I never knew that he had to bury a child. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Hi Diana. This is a sad story. I was not into late night talk shows, but a few tunes I saw Johnny Carson. He was masterful. I never knew that he had to bury a child. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Hey Pam,
It is a sad story and yes John had to bury a child and I buried a spouse. Love, Di
Comment from karenina
This is heart wrenching! One asks how such tragedies can occur in God's universe, but they do. I felt your pain, your disbelief...and amaze at the circumstance of Rick's loss. I am so sorry for your devastation.
Karenina
reply by the author on 18-May-2018
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This is heart wrenching! One asks how such tragedies can occur in God's universe, but they do. I felt your pain, your disbelief...and amaze at the circumstance of Rick's loss. I am so sorry for your devastation.
Karenina
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 18-May-2018
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Hey there I'm sorry for the delay... been out... Thanks so much for your heartfelt stellar review. Say Amen karenina. Thanks for you sincere wishes. yours, diana
Comment from kathleenspalding
Beautiful and poignant poem captures that sad moment, and the end is a lovely tribute. Our sympathies for your loss.
No errors, only one thought -
Both wear a mask--a grim and somber face;
centurions insist on invading my inner space;
- How would it read if these two lines were switched?
reply by the author on 18-May-2018
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Beautiful and poignant poem captures that sad moment, and the end is a lovely tribute. Our sympathies for your loss.
No errors, only one thought -
Both wear a mask--a grim and somber face;
centurions insist on invading my inner space;
- How would it read if these two lines were switched?
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 18-May-2018
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Hey Kathleen... thanks so much for your kind review. yours, diana
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You're welcome
Comment from Ben Colder
Thank you for sharing this write. I never knew until now. Yes, I thought much of Johnny. Very funny guy at times. Such a loss. I know I have lost a son as well. My blessings to you.
reply by the author on 18-May-2018
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Thank you for sharing this write. I never knew until now. Yes, I thought much of Johnny. Very funny guy at times. Such a loss. I know I have lost a son as well. My blessings to you.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 18-May-2018
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Hey Ben Colder.
Thanks for your stellar review. yours, diana
Comment from Spiritual Echo
What a brilliant story teller you are, and clever to be able to present this tale in poetic form/ Your tone and format painted a picture in words, a tribute to an artist by an artist. Very enjoyable read.
NOTE: I may ve wrong, but I think the kind of jewelers loop you are referring to is spelled loupe. Could be mistaken or maybe it's a UK thing.
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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What a brilliant story teller you are, and clever to be able to present this tale in poetic form/ Your tone and format painted a picture in words, a tribute to an artist by an artist. Very enjoyable read.
NOTE: I may ve wrong, but I think the kind of jewelers loop you are referring to is spelled loupe. Could be mistaken or maybe it's a UK thing.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thank your... I've used a loupe for years and never even thought about the spelling. So to assume made a fool of me. I'm very honored and humbled by your stellar/plus one review. Thanks for reading and looking forward... Off to spell loupe correctly and thanks for the heads up. yours, diana
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It might help that I was in the jewelry business for thirty years. LOL
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Well, yes it would and thanks for the correction... yours, di
Comment from Katya
This is an interesting narrative verse. The feeling is all narrative; yet the structure is poetic. Since the rhythms are sometimes more regular, sometimes broken, the result is a sense [appropriate to the occasion described] of interrupted purpose and major changes of direction. Overall, the poetic form adds both feeling and detachment to the narrative, making it more significant than it would come across as prose. Yet the story itself dominates.
I really enjoyed looking at this. Thank you!
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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This is an interesting narrative verse. The feeling is all narrative; yet the structure is poetic. Since the rhythms are sometimes more regular, sometimes broken, the result is a sense [appropriate to the occasion described] of interrupted purpose and major changes of direction. Overall, the poetic form adds both feeling and detachment to the narrative, making it more significant than it would come across as prose. Yet the story itself dominates.
I really enjoyed looking at this. Thank you!
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Rather thanks narrative... It is the mind of someone (me) who couldn't put two thoughts together... So a very truncated style indeed. thanks so much Katya for your stellar review. yours, diana
Comment from Swampfox1
After reading the notes the poem becomes very clear and all is well understood. I agree that no parent should have to bury a child. I can connect with this part -- Appearing rigid
They're about to change somebody's life.
Resigned, I guess what's coming next.
We greet each other by sizing one another up.
The female cop is speaking, I don't hear a single word.
A phone number is pressed into my hand." I find the poem delivers the message and I have been in similar situations and the poem sizes it up perfectly.
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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After reading the notes the poem becomes very clear and all is well understood. I agree that no parent should have to bury a child. I can connect with this part -- Appearing rigid
They're about to change somebody's life.
Resigned, I guess what's coming next.
We greet each other by sizing one another up.
The female cop is speaking, I don't hear a single word.
A phone number is pressed into my hand." I find the poem delivers the message and I have been in similar situations and the poem sizes it up perfectly.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hey Swampfox... Thanks so much as always for your wonderful review and looking forward to your next post. yours, diana
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Thank you very much for the kind words.
Comment from Janet Foor
Truly an American tragedy told in just enough detail that we understand the story.
Excellent artwork and presentation to add to the heartfelt piece.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Truly an American tragedy told in just enough detail that we understand the story.
Excellent artwork and presentation to add to the heartfelt piece.
Well done.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thanks so much Janet...
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
That's so sad. I know someone who had a bar in his basement and he died of a heart attack sitting at the bar with a drink. We all joked that it was the perfect way to die because he died doing what he loved. It sounds like Rick was young though. He obviously made a huge impact on your life and I guess you just have to focus on the memories that haven't faded. He's always with you.
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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That's so sad. I know someone who had a bar in his basement and he died of a heart attack sitting at the bar with a drink. We all joked that it was the perfect way to die because he died doing what he loved. It sounds like Rick was young though. He obviously made a huge impact on your life and I guess you just have to focus on the memories that haven't faded. He's always with you.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Thanks kiddo... I know of people falling over from too much alcohol and it certainly is a way many of them would want to go. Thanks so much for your stellar review. yours, diana
Comment from Sarah B Sullivan
Nicely done. I've read other people's comments and won't repeat. A few more thoughts:
"Groggy, I recall" can be merged with next line. I don't think it needs to be on its own for form, and doesn't stand on its own.
Fourth stanza you say "who knows where I am, but you just said above that you recalled you were in Napa Valley. You could probably omit that stanza and just add the "4:00 am" before "it's haunting tone, it just won't stop," so the reader knows how discombobulating it is for the narrator.
Breech is actually a noun (breeches) Breach means to cross, sort of with the meaning of intrusion. I think you mean approach, since you can't cross a room number. But maybe they breach the safe space between their car and your door?
I love the: "Both wear a mask--a grim and somber face" (although it would help for it to read "Each wears a mask" so it doesn't sound like they're sharing a mask)
June twenty-first shouldn't be capitalized, first because it isn't grammatically accurate, but more importantly, because it distracts the reader from other more important words. In fact, using June 21st and placing it on the same line as the next would be more succinct, probably more powerful, and again would combine two lines that don't necessarily stand alone as strong lines (this is a narrative, so that is often the case with individual lines so that gets tricky)
Tripod waited instead of tripod was waiting-more active, more succinct. This couplet could be joined with the lines above re Johnny's arrival.
No need to write Tragedy loomed large. You are showing it. Instead, maybe use "But his breaks failed..."
You don't need to omit the "the's" and "a's" in this poem. It makes the reader work harder and doesn't really improve the look, the sound--This is subjective, but a common recommendation from those professional poets who give recs on poetry writing. (I'm not saying I'm one of those, I'm just quoting, and knowing its true from practicing and listening/reading a lot.)
The couplet about Johnny swearing Rick's death was quick is not necessary. Johnny is not a character in the poem, just someone who is named. And we wonder, how would he know? And even if he did know, how does it change the poem, the tragedy?
That's what I've got. Thank you for sharing this. It really is a poem with great potential, and bringing it back to the narrator looking at the images he left behind is a wonderful way to close the poem.
-Sarah
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reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Nicely done. I've read other people's comments and won't repeat. A few more thoughts:
"Groggy, I recall" can be merged with next line. I don't think it needs to be on its own for form, and doesn't stand on its own.
Fourth stanza you say "who knows where I am, but you just said above that you recalled you were in Napa Valley. You could probably omit that stanza and just add the "4:00 am" before "it's haunting tone, it just won't stop," so the reader knows how discombobulating it is for the narrator.
Breech is actually a noun (breeches) Breach means to cross, sort of with the meaning of intrusion. I think you mean approach, since you can't cross a room number. But maybe they breach the safe space between their car and your door?
I love the: "Both wear a mask--a grim and somber face" (although it would help for it to read "Each wears a mask" so it doesn't sound like they're sharing a mask)
June twenty-first shouldn't be capitalized, first because it isn't grammatically accurate, but more importantly, because it distracts the reader from other more important words. In fact, using June 21st and placing it on the same line as the next would be more succinct, probably more powerful, and again would combine two lines that don't necessarily stand alone as strong lines (this is a narrative, so that is often the case with individual lines so that gets tricky)
Tripod waited instead of tripod was waiting-more active, more succinct. This couplet could be joined with the lines above re Johnny's arrival.
No need to write Tragedy loomed large. You are showing it. Instead, maybe use "But his breaks failed..."
You don't need to omit the "the's" and "a's" in this poem. It makes the reader work harder and doesn't really improve the look, the sound--This is subjective, but a common recommendation from those professional poets who give recs on poetry writing. (I'm not saying I'm one of those, I'm just quoting, and knowing its true from practicing and listening/reading a lot.)
The couplet about Johnny swearing Rick's death was quick is not necessary. Johnny is not a character in the poem, just someone who is named. And we wonder, how would he know? And even if he did know, how does it change the poem, the tragedy?
That's what I've got. Thank you for sharing this. It really is a poem with great potential, and bringing it back to the narrator looking at the images he left behind is a wonderful way to close the poem.
-Sarah
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 16-May-2018
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Hey Sarah... some of the changes were perfect. Some I chose to leave. e.g. Brakes failed; refers to his parking brake. and a few others. But what an incredibly though review and wonderful help I received from you. Happy you stopped by. yours, diana
