Granny's Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Granny on the Hunt"Losing everything Granny is out for revenge.
8 total reviews
Comment from kingpin.101
The story is cheesy in a good way, I would never expect a granny to be so murderous. Good plot development and background although you could of given more information. For Joe and Rachel's part I would of like to have more dialogue to understand their relationship to each other instead of being direct with the reader. Make it saucy and dangerous that he is fooling around with the boss daughter. I would also like to see the intermingle of the deaths with the blonde and the couple. Did Matilda looked up from the killing and see them past by? Make it clearer, especially for the first chapter some basic information.
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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The story is cheesy in a good way, I would never expect a granny to be so murderous. Good plot development and background although you could of given more information. For Joe and Rachel's part I would of like to have more dialogue to understand their relationship to each other instead of being direct with the reader. Make it saucy and dangerous that he is fooling around with the boss daughter. I would also like to see the intermingle of the deaths with the blonde and the couple. Did Matilda looked up from the killing and see them past by? Make it clearer, especially for the first chapter some basic information.
Comment Written 16-May-2018
reply by the author on 17-May-2018
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Thank you for your review. I think you misinterpret the whole Joe, Rachel thing. There' nothing going on, Joe is actually trying to deny his feelings for Rachel, talk himself out of it. I will look into adding more detail, clarifying a bit more, thank you for the insight.
Thank you again for your review, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Mistydawn
I will say you have a very fishy, hot tempered Granny being the killer
I had a problem with a few place in this chapter
about you at times say the Murderer than switching saying Granny. Misty here is an example of what I'm talking about
The murderer continues across the lawn.
"Please lady, please help me," she cries.
There's no help for people like you. Granny walks towards the bar.
Gert
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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Hi Mistydawn
I will say you have a very fishy, hot tempered Granny being the killer
I had a problem with a few place in this chapter
about you at times say the Murderer than switching saying Granny. Misty here is an example of what I'm talking about
The murderer continues across the lawn.
"Please lady, please help me," she cries.
There's no help for people like you. Granny walks towards the bar.
Gert
Comment Written 15-May-2018
reply by the author on 15-May-2018
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Thank you for your fantastic six-star I'm honored. It was all Granny but I changed most of it because of a suggestion. Maybe I should change it all? I'd still like to convey she's an elderly lady somehow. What do you suggest? Maybe put Granny once at the very beginning showing she's the killer? Please advise.
Thank you again for all your help and support it means so much to me, take care.
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I like your thought Misty, about putting Granny once at the very beginning showing she's the elderly lady and the Killer who is greeting her revenge.
Note I like the closure in this chapter
It's real good.
Gert
Smiles
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My brain is snoozing I think, having trouble writing anything, so I'll work on it in the morning,
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Good Idea Misty
when you let your brain a rest does wonders with your thinking when you are writing
I know it does for me with clearer thoughts.
Gert
Comment from giraffmang
Old Gran's on the war path all right. Surprised she has the stamina even for beating up drunks. lol
It's an interesting premise.
My families killer was a man. - in this instance it would be family's.
"Why... why did you do that for?" - why did you do that? or What did you do that for?
The victims face lands - victim's.
I doubt she'd have romantic feeling for someone as old as me - feelings.
"Why did you trip me for, huh?" - same thing here as before. Why.what.
three more stumbles through the door - stumble.
What am I going to do now? She asks - she.
Melinda starts to walk out the door - should this be Lisa?
All the best
G
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
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Old Gran's on the war path all right. Surprised she has the stamina even for beating up drunks. lol
It's an interesting premise.
My families killer was a man. - in this instance it would be family's.
"Why... why did you do that for?" - why did you do that? or What did you do that for?
The victims face lands - victim's.
I doubt she'd have romantic feeling for someone as old as me - feelings.
"Why did you trip me for, huh?" - same thing here as before. Why.what.
three more stumbles through the door - stumble.
What am I going to do now? She asks - she.
Melinda starts to walk out the door - should this be Lisa?
All the best
G
Comment Written 13-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
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Thank you for so much for your helpful review it's always appreciated. A little heartbreaking (because I think I'm improving) but welcomed because that's the only way I'll learn.
Lisa started out as a Melinda I changed it so it'd be less confusing, then made it more confusing but not changing them all.
Thank you again for all your help I truly do appreciate it. One of these days I might surprise you be error free. Take care.
Comment from apky
Exhilarating. I'm still rooting for Matilda, and being on her side gives me extra thrills while I read, because I'm always there urging her to get away before someone sees her or before the police arrive.
I'm really enjoying this one, Misty. Great dialogue and inner thoughts. Joe seems to have it bad for Rachel, poor chap. I wonder how he'll ever manage to get over it or to tell Rachel how he feels about her.
Joe remembers how she irritates him on a daily bases(basis).
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
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Exhilarating. I'm still rooting for Matilda, and being on her side gives me extra thrills while I read, because I'm always there urging her to get away before someone sees her or before the police arrive.
I'm really enjoying this one, Misty. Great dialogue and inner thoughts. Joe seems to have it bad for Rachel, poor chap. I wonder how he'll ever manage to get over it or to tell Rachel how he feels about her.
Joe remembers how she irritates him on a daily bases(basis).
Comment Written 13-May-2018
reply by the author on 13-May-2018
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review, wonderful six-star I'm so glad you enjoyed it. It's actually a lot of fun being Granny, the little spunky thing lol. Joe does have it bad for her and her for him but they're both too stubborn to admit it. It eventually does come out in a very unexpected way.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship. It means so much to me, take care.
PS. I'm trying to show kitten than humans aren't the only play toys in the world it's a concept she's finding difficult to grasp.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Clever to use ice for bullets so it will melt and leave no evidence matching the cane gun. Killing all who MIGHT kill others is killing MORE than otherwise might be killed. Hard to explain... hope you get the point. :)
reply by the author on 12-May-2018
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Clever to use ice for bullets so it will melt and leave no evidence matching the cane gun. Killing all who MIGHT kill others is killing MORE than otherwise might be killed. Hard to explain... hope you get the point. :)
Comment Written 12-May-2018
reply by the author on 12-May-2018
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Thank so much for your great review. Majority vs minority. Kill one to save the masses? That's what Granny is hoping to do. A modern-day Carrie Nation I suppose.
Thank you again for your kind review, take care.
Comment from HaleyBel
Is the cane fictitious or is it really possible? I am just interested. I was gripped by your story from the first. I would read on. How the granny gets the strength amazes me. I found the story and written chapter interesting, good luck with your book.
reply by the author on 12-May-2018
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Is the cane fictitious or is it really possible? I am just interested. I was gripped by your story from the first. I would read on. How the granny gets the strength amazes me. I found the story and written chapter interesting, good luck with your book.
Comment Written 12-May-2018
reply by the author on 12-May-2018
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Thank you for your kind review I'm so glad you enjoyed it. As far I know a cane gun has never been done, but it's scientifically possible. The lining of aluminum foil and styrofoam would insulate the ice, keep it a sold longer. As would making large cubes from boiling water. As far as projection goes it'd only have to go as fast, hard as a high powered slingshot. If hit the carotid artery a person will bleed out rather quickly. Drinking thins the blood so they'd bleed out even quicker. I did a little research, lol.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, take care.
Comment from royowen
What a clever device is Matilda's weapon, she thinks she's going to rid the world of drunk drivers, but there are an awful lot, o she'll be kept busy till the end of her days doing this. You have an innate talent fot writing about "nutty" killers dear girl. I rather enjoy them. I must like living vicariously. Heh heh. Well done, good scribing, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 12-May-2018
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What a clever device is Matilda's weapon, she thinks she's going to rid the world of drunk drivers, but there are an awful lot, o she'll be kept busy till the end of her days doing this. You have an innate talent fot writing about "nutty" killers dear girl. I rather enjoy them. I must like living vicariously. Heh heh. Well done, good scribing, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 12-May-2018
reply by the author on 12-May-2018
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Thank you for such a sweet review. Yeah, I think granny has bitten off more than she can chew. I guess it takes a nut to write about nuts, right, lol? Wouldn't it be nice if pedophiles, rapists did get the death sentence? legally of course. The prisons wouldn't be as crowded, and the world would be a better safer place to live. Since that won't happen I guess I'll continue making up nutty killers to take care of them fictionally.
Thank you again for all your support, take care.
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You're right, they are crimes against humanity.
Comment from Sarah B Sullivan
I really like this character, especially at the end when she interacts with the nurse. When she is outside the bar, it isn't clear why she would hesitate about the gender of her victim--might need another sentence there.
Was Granny already a killer before this scene? It feels odd, going back and forth between calling her "The killer" and "Granny."
If you can help create a better image of the position of the cane on the victim's neck, that would help. I was picturing it parallel to the ground, but it sounds like it was the butt or stub or something of the cane on the victim's neck.
Joe doesn't come off as strong with his inner dialog, especially when he is eying Rachel and calling her quite a looker, but then calls her "cute" (in his mind) as she gets out of the car.
I like the way you jump between the scenes, and also how we somehow end up in Matilda's home and don't find out what happened to the second potential victim of the evening.
The details of her yawning while waiting for her second victim was great. Her second victim's dialog is a little off.
reply by the author on 12-May-2018
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I really like this character, especially at the end when she interacts with the nurse. When she is outside the bar, it isn't clear why she would hesitate about the gender of her victim--might need another sentence there.
Was Granny already a killer before this scene? It feels odd, going back and forth between calling her "The killer" and "Granny."
If you can help create a better image of the position of the cane on the victim's neck, that would help. I was picturing it parallel to the ground, but it sounds like it was the butt or stub or something of the cane on the victim's neck.
Joe doesn't come off as strong with his inner dialog, especially when he is eying Rachel and calling her quite a looker, but then calls her "cute" (in his mind) as she gets out of the car.
I like the way you jump between the scenes, and also how we somehow end up in Matilda's home and don't find out what happened to the second potential victim of the evening.
The details of her yawning while waiting for her second victim was great. Her second victim's dialog is a little off.
Comment Written 12-May-2018
reply by the author on 12-May-2018
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Thank you so much for your review I am so glad you enjoyed it. I went back and fixed a few things you pointed out, hopefully, they will help.
I added My families killer was a man. to the part where granny hesitates.
Yes, Granny killed one person in chapter 1 and 2 waiting for another in chapter two to when it ended.
I only referred to her as Granny in the very beginning and end. I added Positioning her cane just above the victim's clavicle, the killer squeezes the handle.
Joe's dialogue I changed she's a looker to she's a beautiful woman and why does she have to be so attractive at the end.
I reworked the second victim's dialogue a little.
Do you think this will help?
Thank you again for your kind review and for pointing out weak spots in the story, take care.
