My Brothers' Keeper
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Home With Gray"Rachel feels responsible for her brother.
7 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Well, they certainly seem to be a close family already! I like how much personality that you give Gray.
Question:
"You go straight into the house, after you go busy. " (Does "go busy" mean go potty? or go do your business?)
Suggestion:
Got it. (both times, I thought it needed a question intonation, like Got it?)
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2021
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Well, they certainly seem to be a close family already! I like how much personality that you give Gray.
Question:
"You go straight into the house, after you go busy. " (Does "go busy" mean go potty? or go do your business?)
Suggestion:
Got it. (both times, I thought it needed a question intonation, like Got it?)
Comment Written 05-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much Helen, I really enjoyed your review and comments, which I have fixed. 'after you go busy' means both-go potty or do your business- it is a phrase that they use with guide dogs especially for the blind. Dogs are taught to go to a curb side and do what ever they need to do, that way the owner doesn't step in it.
Comment from BeasPeas
This chapter solidifies the relationship between Daniel, Rachel and Gray. They all seem content and comfortable with each other. Well written. The story moves along well in getting Gray back home. It seems to me that for this chapter the warning for sexual content isn't offensive and therefore, not needed, but you are the author and it's up to you. Marilyn
reply by the author on 11-May-2018
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This chapter solidifies the relationship between Daniel, Rachel and Gray. They all seem content and comfortable with each other. Well written. The story moves along well in getting Gray back home. It seems to me that for this chapter the warning for sexual content isn't offensive and therefore, not needed, but you are the author and it's up to you. Marilyn
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 11-May-2018
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Thank you so much Marilyn for reviewing and your kind comments. It was because of a well learned lesson that I included the warning. In a chapter in a different book, I had written about some deep kissing and received at least four reviews that I should have included the warning, one was offended. Oh well, so now I am just careful, but thank you for the thought.
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I agree with you, Alie. Good thinking. Best to be safe. Marilyn
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I agree with you, Alie. Good thinking. Best to be safe. Marilyn
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Poor Gray, he's been badly hurt, and comes home to threats of chaining! lol. I think I've missed a couple, I'll go and check. I still wish I could have a wolf for my friend. :)) This was a nice chapter and with a spicy ending, :)) well done, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Poor Gray, he's been badly hurt, and comes home to threats of chaining! lol. I think I've missed a couple, I'll go and check. I still wish I could have a wolf for my friend. :)) This was a nice chapter and with a spicy ending, :)) well done, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 09-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Thank you so very much Sandra for not only reading but reviewing. I really appreciate your comments. Hint- next chapter is a little spicier lol, take care my friend (big smile).
Comment from Artasylum
This took a very sexy turn. Love the way it was approached and only intimated to us the readers. Good job on character development and background noise. thanks. yours, diana
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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This took a very sexy turn. Love the way it was approached and only intimated to us the readers. Good job on character development and background noise. thanks. yours, diana
Comment Written 08-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I certainly appreciate your kind comments.
Comment from Mabaker
They make a great couple and Gray is the main character and I read his antics with pleasure. Having a wolf as a pal would be an experience not everybody would be over-joyed with, but I would. Great chapter, Alie. Love U Anne
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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They make a great couple and Gray is the main character and I read his antics with pleasure. Having a wolf as a pal would be an experience not everybody would be over-joyed with, but I would. Great chapter, Alie. Love U Anne
Comment Written 08-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Ahhh thank you so much Anne for the six stars and for reading and reviewing. I agree with you that a wolf pal would be great. Luv u Alie.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Apologies for not following along with this story more closely. I thought I'd pop in and see how it's going as you've been such a supporter for my current work.
I would say though the previously section could perhaps do with a little more detail to keep things fresh in the readers mind or entice new ones. What was the news that drove Rachel away for example.
He chose to lay on the blanket - I think it may be lie here.
It was a leisure ride back to the plane. Where Gray once again stretched out on the temporary bed in the back seat. - this should maybe be one sentence as the second feels incomplete on its own.
Don't forget, what I said, Harold - no need for the first comma here.
it was no where near as stressful - nowhere could be a single word here.
Gray slept most of the way home, created slight snoring sounds. - this is fragmented. it flows better if you use creating rather than created.
Rachel and Daniel were quiet, nary a word was spoken between them - both parts of this sentence basically mean the same thing.
its been a long night and he did - it's.
shower and some clean clothes." She commented - she.
was a fate worst than death - worse.
and proceeded to bath her - bathe.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Hi there,
Apologies for not following along with this story more closely. I thought I'd pop in and see how it's going as you've been such a supporter for my current work.
I would say though the previously section could perhaps do with a little more detail to keep things fresh in the readers mind or entice new ones. What was the news that drove Rachel away for example.
He chose to lay on the blanket - I think it may be lie here.
It was a leisure ride back to the plane. Where Gray once again stretched out on the temporary bed in the back seat. - this should maybe be one sentence as the second feels incomplete on its own.
Don't forget, what I said, Harold - no need for the first comma here.
it was no where near as stressful - nowhere could be a single word here.
Gray slept most of the way home, created slight snoring sounds. - this is fragmented. it flows better if you use creating rather than created.
Rachel and Daniel were quiet, nary a word was spoken between them - both parts of this sentence basically mean the same thing.
its been a long night and he did - it's.
shower and some clean clothes." She commented - she.
was a fate worst than death - worse.
and proceeded to bath her - bathe.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 08-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Awww thank you so much for checking in on me. I really appreciate your comments and the kind gesture. I will make those corrections in a few minutes and I am glad you caught these. Hey I enjoy your writing so keep on writing.
Comment from Pantygynt
This chapter starts with the couple together with Gray leaving the doc's and ends with a potentially quite erotic scene in the shower. There were some confusion at the beginning over who was saying what to whome.
"Don't forget, what I said, Harold." This is the doc speaking yet the doc is Harold so maybe it should be
"Don't forget, what I said," said Harold. or "Don't forget, what I said, Rachel."
There is more confusion here:
"I'll think about it, Doc, I will keep in touch. See you, Daniel." That's Rachel replying to the doc and then we get a new soeaker, the doc, saying goodbye to them both but that is not how it reads here.
No such confusion later under the show as the body wash is employed liberally.
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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This chapter starts with the couple together with Gray leaving the doc's and ends with a potentially quite erotic scene in the shower. There were some confusion at the beginning over who was saying what to whome.
"Don't forget, what I said, Harold." This is the doc speaking yet the doc is Harold so maybe it should be
"Don't forget, what I said," said Harold. or "Don't forget, what I said, Rachel."
There is more confusion here:
"I'll think about it, Doc, I will keep in touch. See you, Daniel." That's Rachel replying to the doc and then we get a new soeaker, the doc, saying goodbye to them both but that is not how it reads here.
No such confusion later under the show as the body wash is employed liberally.
Comment Written 08-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Thanks so much for reviewing, sorry about the confusion, I will definitely check it out. However Harold is not a doctor, he drove the van and assisted the vet. The vet and Rachel are doctors and Rachel knows a doctor-plastic surgeon that can help Harold with his extensive scarring on his arm.
