Remembering The Dance
Mild language--nothing graphic10 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This is written in such a way that you draw the reader in wondering where you're going to take us. What a great sense of metaphor you have used and lived. What an adventure for the reader to vicariously enjoy. Well written..I voted for you.
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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This is written in such a way that you draw the reader in wondering where you're going to take us. What a great sense of metaphor you have used and lived. What an adventure for the reader to vicariously enjoy. Well written..I voted for you.
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Wow. I'm very honored. Thanks so very much/
Comment from Angela_Ulrich
A lovely, tight, short story that kept me interested throughout. A few minor editing issues, but well worth the read. I haven't read any of the other stories in this contest yet, but I can definitely see myself casting my vote for this one unless another a story really goes above and beyond.
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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A lovely, tight, short story that kept me interested throughout. A few minor editing issues, but well worth the read. I haven't read any of the other stories in this contest yet, but I can definitely see myself casting my vote for this one unless another a story really goes above and beyond.
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Thank you very much for your kind words and contest consideration.
Comment from HaleyBel
Very good, how you saw a plain prickly cactus as a beautiful expression, like one of a bouquet of flowers. How the plant reminded you so many years on, of your love shared. It is one of hope to all authors out there too. Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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Very good, how you saw a plain prickly cactus as a beautiful expression, like one of a bouquet of flowers. How the plant reminded you so many years on, of your love shared. It is one of hope to all authors out there too. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 10-May-2018
reply by the author on 10-May-2018
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I appreciate the rad and review. Thanks.
Comment from Tootie
This is awesome! I LOVED IT! Excellent writing and you kept my interest from beginning to end. Well done. Thank you for such a good read. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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This is awesome! I LOVED IT! Excellent writing and you kept my interest from beginning to end. Well done. Thank you for such a good read. Keep writing!
Comment Written 09-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Well aren't you a charmer! What delightful words. All that celestial bling is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
Comment from JC Shurburtt
Very well-written and touching story using the cactus. I especially like the twist with how you met Bill. Probably needs to be a little tighter, but that's the case for nearly everything. Good work.
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Very well-written and touching story using the cactus. I especially like the twist with how you met Bill. Probably needs to be a little tighter, but that's the case for nearly everything. Good work.
Comment Written 09-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Yes, it's a little long and likely doesn't need so extensive a backstory. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Azure Sigh
I definitely liked this story! Once it got going, I was invested in the characters and their interactions with each other. The whole thing with the cactus was great. I was a little confused about the timeline; when she first unwrapped the cactus at the beginning, it seems like Bill had sent it to her. But isn't this section told after Bill died? Overall, the story was good, creating a compelling and believable relationship out of two well-defined people. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I definitely liked this story! Once it got going, I was invested in the characters and their interactions with each other. The whole thing with the cactus was great. I was a little confused about the timeline; when she first unwrapped the cactus at the beginning, it seems like Bill had sent it to her. But isn't this section told after Bill died? Overall, the story was good, creating a compelling and believable relationship out of two well-defined people. Well done.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I did try to tell this story in a complicated time line that begins after the first date, goes back before then to fill in the back story then winds up after 30 years of marriage. Yes, I sprinkled in a few REMEMERING, but no doubt could cut the backstory down considerably and put more emphasis on the passage of time. Thanks for your kind words and generous review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Good piece here. At first I thought the lead in was a little long but on balance it's probably fine. A good tone to the piece and the perspective holds true right through.
A few things I noticed on reading through-
"This plant is the most romantic flower I ever received. - need closing speech marks here.
emotions that churned as I floated on cloud none - nine?
and that's what I didn't know the editor's name before Bill and I were standing face to face. - this read a little awkwardly.
Are you going to legitimately going to make me - this too.
These two examples may just be in need of some punctuation to make them flow a little more.
Is my nook good enough - book.
stopped and listened to Bill - you could use him here as you've used Bill to kick the sentence off.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Hi there,
Good piece here. At first I thought the lead in was a little long but on balance it's probably fine. A good tone to the piece and the perspective holds true right through.
A few things I noticed on reading through-
"This plant is the most romantic flower I ever received. - need closing speech marks here.
emotions that churned as I floated on cloud none - nine?
and that's what I didn't know the editor's name before Bill and I were standing face to face. - this read a little awkwardly.
Are you going to legitimately going to make me - this too.
These two examples may just be in need of some punctuation to make them flow a little more.
Is my nook good enough - book.
stopped and listened to Bill - you could use him here as you've used Bill to kick the sentence off.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Has anyone told you how funny you are? Even when you're pointing out my errors, you make me laugh--at myself as the sentences--with typos--come across totally different.
Thanks for an outstanding review.
Comment from RodG
This story--like Katy's relationship with Bill--took awhile to really get going. Impatient for you to pull it together, I almost didn't finish It. But I'm glad I did. I love the opening when she receives the cactus and her roommate is stymied. The long middle as we are given Katy's backstory was a bit tedious, but when she gets the call from Random House and meets Bill again--well, you had me hooked. I really like HER, and how well you characterize her. Overall, though a bit too lengthy, it's still a great story with a wonderful ending.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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This story--like Katy's relationship with Bill--took awhile to really get going. Impatient for you to pull it together, I almost didn't finish It. But I'm glad I did. I love the opening when she receives the cactus and her roommate is stymied. The long middle as we are given Katy's backstory was a bit tedious, but when she gets the call from Random House and meets Bill again--well, you had me hooked. I really like HER, and how well you characterize her. Overall, though a bit too lengthy, it's still a great story with a wonderful ending.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Yes, it is long, and I thank you for plowing through and for your review. Much appreciated.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Romantic Flowers writing prompt.
Your story is well told and intriguing, drawing the reader in. Using the cactus as your romantic flower, and the symbol of your love, is clever.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Romantic Flowers writing prompt.
Your story is well told and intriguing, drawing the reader in. Using the cactus as your romantic flower, and the symbol of your love, is clever.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Thank you so much for your review. It's greatly appreciated.
Comment from Swampfox1
I like the way you incorporate this line into the story -- " 'I could have missed the pain, but then I'd have missed the dance.' ". That is very true about life sometimes.
I also like this section of the story -- ""For what?" I blurted out, not sure how I got from a freelance writer desperately trying to get anything published to standing in the offices of Random House.". It is pretty cool. But you spelled creative with two "r"s . "Crreative wasn't criminal". It is a varied twist of unknowns but somehow seems to flow here and there but it is not quite what I expected.
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I like the way you incorporate this line into the story -- " 'I could have missed the pain, but then I'd have missed the dance.' ". That is very true about life sometimes.
I also like this section of the story -- ""For what?" I blurted out, not sure how I got from a freelance writer desperately trying to get anything published to standing in the offices of Random House.". It is pretty cool. But you spelled creative with two "r"s . "Crreative wasn't criminal". It is a varied twist of unknowns but somehow seems to flow here and there but it is not quite what I expected.
Comment Written 07-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I appreciate and the typo alert. Irs a circular style in writing, beginning at the end and or middle rather than chronological order. Guess some like it and others not so much. Thanks.
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you're welcome