Mara, a Syrian Maid
Mid Eastern women have dark eyes.8 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'what Happened' writing prompt.
Your story is well told and clear.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the 'what Happened' writing prompt.
Your story is well told and clear.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 06-May-2018
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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Thanks so much Sharon.
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
Very compelling poem! A great response to the writing prompt, "Just pick up the pieces." This is a good entry for the writing contest. I wish you lots of luck!
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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Very compelling poem! A great response to the writing prompt, "Just pick up the pieces." This is a good entry for the writing contest. I wish you lots of luck!
Comment Written 06-May-2018
reply by the author on 06-May-2018
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Thank you so much!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think you've done a great job with this piece. Usually these prompts churn out the same old tales but this is good. A true story which says something. nicely and tautly written. technically sound.
good stuff
GMG
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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Hi there,
I think you've done a great job with this piece. Usually these prompts churn out the same old tales but this is good. A true story which says something. nicely and tautly written. technically sound.
good stuff
GMG
Comment Written 05-May-2018
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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Thanks so much!! Appreciate your review.
Comment from Harry Smith
The picture fits perfectly with this short story that is loaded with lots and lots of imagery and emotions as well. The reader is interested from the beginning until the end.
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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The picture fits perfectly with this short story that is loaded with lots and lots of imagery and emotions as well. The reader is interested from the beginning until the end.
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Thanks Harry!!
Comment from RodG
This story is both entertaining and intriguing because of its locale: Syria.
GOOD: the main character, the daughter Mara, is sympathetic and the reader hopes she successfully escapes her father's abuse. We admire her courage.
POOR: the plot once she leaves her mother and meets Fatima. The last six paragraphs are muddled because you insert a flashback. It's not clear what happened or when the father died. Does Mara get the job.
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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This story is both entertaining and intriguing because of its locale: Syria.
GOOD: the main character, the daughter Mara, is sympathetic and the reader hopes she successfully escapes her father's abuse. We admire her courage.
POOR: the plot once she leaves her mother and meets Fatima. The last six paragraphs are muddled because you insert a flashback. It's not clear what happened or when the father died. Does Mara get the job.
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Thanks Rod. I will re-read it with your comments in mind. Just a note ... she was lying about her father being dead. She didn?t want him notified.
Comment from Katya
Oh, this is good, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Three women characters, all noticeably different, in such a short space. You have a great sense of situation.
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Oh, this is good, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Three women characters, all noticeably different, in such a short space. You have a great sense of situation.
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Thanks so much Katya.
Comment from HaleyBel
Wow!, that pulled me in straight away.
I would definitely want to read your book. I believe this has a very good chance in the competition. I shall watch out for a completed book. Thanks for hving an opportunity to read it.
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Wow!, that pulled me in straight away.
I would definitely want to read your book. I believe this has a very good chance in the competition. I shall watch out for a completed book. Thanks for hving an opportunity to read it.
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Thanks so much for the great review.
Comment from LaFrance
What else could the young girl say, after such an abusive up bring. She had to get out, even if she would have to lie. Every passionate and moving story.
"she would every marry." should be "she would ever marry."
I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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What else could the young girl say, after such an abusive up bring. She had to get out, even if she would have to lie. Every passionate and moving story.
"she would every marry." should be "she would ever marry."
I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Thanks for your comments. I will fix the typo.
