Sins of Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A New Awakening"A Novel of the Breedline series
7 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This has a great opening. You are inviting the reader to use their imagination. This is such good exercise for them as not many used that "muscle" much anymore. This sets a bit of an eerie mythical tone too. At first it seems you are plunging the reader into a nightmarish experience. But reading on, for me it is rather fascinating. Readers who are interested in Native American lore will definitely be drawn in. Some already will believe these creatures existed, others will wonder. You have a good theme going here. I like how you dwell on descriptive words just enough. Well written,
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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This has a great opening. You are inviting the reader to use their imagination. This is such good exercise for them as not many used that "muscle" much anymore. This sets a bit of an eerie mythical tone too. At first it seems you are plunging the reader into a nightmarish experience. But reading on, for me it is rather fascinating. Readers who are interested in Native American lore will definitely be drawn in. Some already will believe these creatures existed, others will wonder. You have a good theme going here. I like how you dwell on descriptive words just enough. Well written,
Comment Written 28-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Thank you, Liz :)
So glad to hear you enjoyed this chapter. I love to give the reader something traditional and also take them into a supernatural world ... one I have created. If I have entertained the reader, I feel rewarded in so many ways. This is why I love to write and create. It's nice to escape out of our real world and take a journey into something magical.
Thanks again for taking the time to read my chapter. Hope to hear from you again.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from ngage
Shana Congrove, just when I thought your last chapter blew me away, A New Awakening took me on a new level.
Your ability to create these characters and take them through new journeys with ease, boggles my mind. You were born to write this. Congrats my friend! I have no doubt you will go to the top.
Nate
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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Shana Congrove, just when I thought your last chapter blew me away, A New Awakening took me on a new level.
Your ability to create these characters and take them through new journeys with ease, boggles my mind. You were born to write this. Congrats my friend! I have no doubt you will go to the top.
Nate
Comment Written 03-May-2018
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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Thank you Nate :)
Your words of encouragement keeps me motivated. I can't express how much this means to me. You're a gem!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from rwilliam
I know, I know, I say it every time I read a chapter of yours, but... I just love the photos you get for your work. They are always so perfect. :)
How do I know you ask? Because... I'm their Queen, and this is our story.--I LOVE this!! I loved how you wrote the intro to this. Great hook!!
His blond hair was pulled back, the long strands stirring in the light breeze.--LOVED this visual, especially about his hair. I could feel the movement.
WOW...that was an awesome chapter! You are doing such a wonderful job of writing such a deliciously complicated story. Great job, girl. You are a fabulous writer and I"m so proud of you. You inspire me. Thank you for that.
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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I know, I know, I say it every time I read a chapter of yours, but... I just love the photos you get for your work. They are always so perfect. :)
How do I know you ask? Because... I'm their Queen, and this is our story.--I LOVE this!! I loved how you wrote the intro to this. Great hook!!
His blond hair was pulled back, the long strands stirring in the light breeze.--LOVED this visual, especially about his hair. I could feel the movement.
WOW...that was an awesome chapter! You are doing such a wonderful job of writing such a deliciously complicated story. Great job, girl. You are a fabulous writer and I"m so proud of you. You inspire me. Thank you for that.
Comment Written 03-May-2018
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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Whoo-hoo!!! Thank you girl! :)
I love to hear how much you like the photos I place with the chapters. Knowing that, I work hard at picking out each one. :)
This story is so dear to me after four years. Whew! And you are the person that encouraged me to write it. Your kind heart and positive nature pushed me to try. I always have doubts and I think all writers have that issue. But I can say I truly enjoy writing. Although I'm not sure I see myself as a writer/author. I see myself as a dreamer and a storyteller. That seems to fit me. But when it's not fun anymore, I know it will be time to move on to other things.
Thank you for always being a great support system to me. I'm still waiting for you to get your book out there. It will be a shame not to share it with everyone. I would be first in line to buy a copy, or two... or three. Do it! :)
You're the best,
Shana :)
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AW, your hard work made these books happen! YOU did this! I'm so proud of you. I"m working on my story again today. I wish I'd had a lot more done in four years, like you :-), but I'm back at it so that's good I guess. Thank you for your support too. Hugs.
Comment from royowen
So you've created an enemy that we're all familiar, the fallen one himself, Lucifer, so Sebastion loves his son so much he was willing to sacrifice himself, but it seems Eve will have to resist the power of the devil himself, Jacecand Tessa are now Married. Most imaginative dear Shana, you've done a splendid job, dear Shana, the story is certainly evolving, well done dear girl, blessings, Roy
Typo : I was once God(')s favourite Angel.
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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So you've created an enemy that we're all familiar, the fallen one himself, Lucifer, so Sebastion loves his son so much he was willing to sacrifice himself, but it seems Eve will have to resist the power of the devil himself, Jacecand Tessa are now Married. Most imaginative dear Shana, you've done a splendid job, dear Shana, the story is certainly evolving, well done dear girl, blessings, Roy
Typo : I was once God(')s favourite Angel.
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Thank you my dear friend :)
I think you'll enjoy this book. It definitely has the dark side, but you'll see the light shine through in the end with some added help. I won't have it any other way. :)
I really enjoyed writing Jace and Tessa's wedding. I thought a beach wedding was fitting for them. I added my favorite color, lavender for their color. I love a good romance.
Thank your for catching my typo. That sure helps! Roy, you're the greatest!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Superbly done, rich texture to your story dear Shana, bless you Roy
Comment from apky
This is unbelievably terrific! You started off with the explanatory narrative, then Steven and what he had gone through. But before it wore the reader down, you plunged us into the beautiful wedding of Jace and Tessa. The wedding is so vividly described that I felt right in the middle of it.
And finally came Sebastian. You managed to make this reader not only pity Sebastian, but, in the end, even like him enough to root for him and Eve to manage to fight off the evil power of Lucifer and above all else be able to save their son Arius from Lucifer's evil intentions.
I'm breathless with awe at your talent, Shana. I couldn't write anything this complicated and wonderful. You're the master of your story, indeed you are.
Some say it to be a(an) old tall tale...
The soft cream strapless gown she wore accented(use "accentuated" to make it more sophisticated. Accented is too pedestrian) her slim, petite figure, and flowed slightly above her knees.
onto the floor as the guard fumbled with the key outside the room.(line break here)
Sebastian watched Lucifer disappear into nothingness, feeling his body drifting into darkness.
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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This is unbelievably terrific! You started off with the explanatory narrative, then Steven and what he had gone through. But before it wore the reader down, you plunged us into the beautiful wedding of Jace and Tessa. The wedding is so vividly described that I felt right in the middle of it.
And finally came Sebastian. You managed to make this reader not only pity Sebastian, but, in the end, even like him enough to root for him and Eve to manage to fight off the evil power of Lucifer and above all else be able to save their son Arius from Lucifer's evil intentions.
I'm breathless with awe at your talent, Shana. I couldn't write anything this complicated and wonderful. You're the master of your story, indeed you are.
Some say it to be a(an) old tall tale...
The soft cream strapless gown she wore accented(use "accentuated" to make it more sophisticated. Accented is too pedestrian) her slim, petite figure, and flowed slightly above her knees.
onto the floor as the guard fumbled with the key outside the room.(line break here)
Sebastian watched Lucifer disappear into nothingness, feeling his body drifting into darkness.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Thank you my talented friend :)
After reading your feedback, I have goosebumps all over my arms. Wow... this really perked me up. I was down in the dumps this morning. I am trying to find a Literary agent, and so far no one seems to want to take my story on. I would love to publish with a traditional publishing company, but I need to find someone to sell my writing. I will keep trying. I truly enjoy creating my Breedline adventures. It gives me something to look forward to.
You have been such an inspiring motivation, and you have great advice. I can't thank you enough.
Always your friend and fan,
Shana :)
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello and wow, you have done a fabulous job with this and your imagination is to be commended. Your author notes fill in the gaps for the reader and your style is easy to read. I really enjoyed this chapter of your novel and have no suggestions for improvement, hence the five-star rating. Thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Hello and wow, you have done a fabulous job with this and your imagination is to be commended. Your author notes fill in the gaps for the reader and your style is easy to read. I really enjoyed this chapter of your novel and have no suggestions for improvement, hence the five-star rating. Thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Thank you, Ana :)
Your kind words lifted my spirits so high this morning. Sometimes a writer starts to have doubts about their ability, but after reading your feedback, I have a more positive feeling. I can't thank you enough for supporting me here on FanStory.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
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My pleasure, Shana :)
Comment from Harry Smith
Well the title drew me in to read this chapter which is exceptionally well written with lots and lots of imagery. The reader enjoyed the read as usual.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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Well the title drew me in to read this chapter which is exceptionally well written with lots and lots of imagery. The reader enjoyed the read as usual.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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Thank you, Harry :)
Good to hear from you again! So glad you enjoyed another Breedline adventure. Stay tuned... more to come.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
