Before Time Began, An Old Story
A New Fable4 total reviews
Comment from Almahar826
I just came across this contest listing and I think this one is the best. The title alone stands out and makes you felt drawn in and want to read it. Good luck with this.
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I just came across this contest listing and I think this one is the best. The title alone stands out and makes you felt drawn in and want to read it. Good luck with this.
Comment Written 05-May-2018
Comment from nor84
As written, the last sentence of your story is: "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." It would be a good idea to reword the next-to-last sentence to include this bit. The rules are clear about the way the last sentence has to start- with the word And.
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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As written, the last sentence of your story is: "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." It would be a good idea to reword the next-to-last sentence to include this bit. The rules are clear about the way the last sentence has to start- with the word And.
Comment Written 03-May-2018
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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Thank you for reading my story, nor. Actually, nothing has to be rewritten to be in compliance with the rules. The moral, as always, concludes the sentence that begins ''And the moral of the story is..." It should be clear to you now that it is all one sentence.
Your review doesn't comment about the story. Unless you believe it has shortcomings deserving a four-star rating, I'd appreciate it if you upgrade it to a five.
I hope to thank you for that.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, I like this modern fable, and the moral of the story is a good one. You have a good imagination and I enjoyed this read. I noticed no errors and best of luck in the competition. Thanks, Ana.
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Hello, I like this modern fable, and the moral of the story is a good one. You have a good imagination and I enjoyed this read. I noticed no errors and best of luck in the competition. Thanks, Ana.
Comment Written 01-May-2018
Comment from Sis Cat
The first thing i noticed was your voice. You have an easy, compelling manner of tellling stories which drew me into your fable. I imagine you telling this story to children or around a campfire. It is a gentle story with twists that delight me, like this:
As no one had a name, for the sake of clarity, we will refer to him as Eve. Of sexual distinctions, they had no awareness. Curiosity, we have noted, was not one of their attributes. (Although it may be an attribute of the reader, we will leave Eve's love life to one's prurient imagination, which should satisfy your requiremets.)
That sure turns things upside down, and then you go into Eve's arrival at a meeting riding a horse he found. Different than anyone else, he becomes dictator. Your reuse of a common moral at the end is appropriate for your fable and acceptable for this contest.
Small edits:
Omit commas: superior to(,) all others.
horse, (,)and a pretty good deal for the horse,
Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success with your imaginative entry.
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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The first thing i noticed was your voice. You have an easy, compelling manner of tellling stories which drew me into your fable. I imagine you telling this story to children or around a campfire. It is a gentle story with twists that delight me, like this:
As no one had a name, for the sake of clarity, we will refer to him as Eve. Of sexual distinctions, they had no awareness. Curiosity, we have noted, was not one of their attributes. (Although it may be an attribute of the reader, we will leave Eve's love life to one's prurient imagination, which should satisfy your requiremets.)
That sure turns things upside down, and then you go into Eve's arrival at a meeting riding a horse he found. Different than anyone else, he becomes dictator. Your reuse of a common moral at the end is appropriate for your fable and acceptable for this contest.
Small edits:
Omit commas: superior to(,) all others.
horse, (,)and a pretty good deal for the horse,
Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success with your imaginative entry.
Comment Written 01-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Andre, i apologize sincerely for not thanking you sooner for your wonderful, uplifting, review, and for calling my attention to errors (which I immediately corrected, without the courtesy of any response). No excuse would be adequate.
Don
