Broken
Trying to put the pieces back together3 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your use of simile completes the image of the mother....great overall imagery My favorite line is "but her mouth didn't curl up at the corners" You draw the reader in with a bit of as mystery as to what has happened to the mother" & "Her smile never reached her eyes." You have good use of metaphors and onomatopoeia. This ending giver me goosebumps. I love how you never said what really happened. But you've used foreshadowing. You have even used alliteration. You have used almost every figure of speech. You kept it in the perspective and report which would be given by a child. This is very well orchestrated.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2018
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Your use of simile completes the image of the mother....great overall imagery My favorite line is "but her mouth didn't curl up at the corners" You draw the reader in with a bit of as mystery as to what has happened to the mother" & "Her smile never reached her eyes." You have good use of metaphors and onomatopoeia. This ending giver me goosebumps. I love how you never said what really happened. But you've used foreshadowing. You have even used alliteration. You have used almost every figure of speech. You kept it in the perspective and report which would be given by a child. This is very well orchestrated.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2018
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Thank you a million! I am grateful for your comments and the exceptional rating!
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, good story, I wish we could put an end to war, too, It's our collective insanity. I saw no errors in this heartwarming story. I wonder if she could put it back together again. Nice analogy.
Thanks for sharing your story and best of luck in the competition, Ana.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Hello, good story, I wish we could put an end to war, too, It's our collective insanity. I saw no errors in this heartwarming story. I wonder if she could put it back together again. Nice analogy.
Thanks for sharing your story and best of luck in the competition, Ana.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much, Ana!
Comment from Pamusart
This is a good entry for the contest. So, I am guessing that the kid's father was killed in action and he and his mother are moving off of the vase. A very sad situation. Good luck in the contest thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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This is a good entry for the contest. So, I am guessing that the kid's father was killed in action and he and his mother are moving off of the vase. A very sad situation. Good luck in the contest thank you for sharing
Comment Written 25-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Thanks for the comments and the stars, Pam.
