My Brothers' Keeper
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Post Operative"Rachel feels responsible for her brother.
7 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Aw. "Hand in hand" - so that really means there is a "we." Furthermore, Rachel said "our boy" so really they both are Gray's parents.
I like the medical information you give us about patients (human or animal) and how they might react after coming out of anesthesia. I hear that brain surgery patients are often violent.
Poor Harold with such deep scars and yet, he's so dedicated that he continues working in that field!
Another great chapter!
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
  |
Aw. "Hand in hand" - so that really means there is a "we." Furthermore, Rachel said "our boy" so really they both are Gray's parents.
I like the medical information you give us about patients (human or animal) and how they might react after coming out of anesthesia. I hear that brain surgery patients are often violent.
Poor Harold with such deep scars and yet, he's so dedicated that he continues working in that field!
Another great chapter!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
-
Thank you so much Helen for your great review. I am so glad you enjoyed it. Unfortunately brain surgery patients do have a rough time but also as we get older we tend to take longer, I have seen the elderly take two or three days before they are fully awake. We have a friend who recently was being put under when his oxygen level dropped and they ended up putting him on life support and has no recall of the two days before he woke. Hugs and smiles!
Comment from Pantygynt
Obviously all your readeras will be pleased with the outcome of the surgery but I would suggest you alter the chapter title as it gives too much away too soon, something totally neutral such as "Post Operative" will get them to read it it properly in order to find out the result.
Do you need proof of ID to buy beer in Canada. Only youngsters who look under age need that in UK -- just interested.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
|
Obviously all your readeras will be pleased with the outcome of the surgery but I would suggest you alter the chapter title as it gives too much away too soon, something totally neutral such as "Post Operative" will get them to read it it properly in order to find out the result.
Do you need proof of ID to buy beer in Canada. Only youngsters who look under age need that in UK -- just interested.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
-
Thanks for reviewing. oh I like that idea and will do so shortly. MMM last I heard the first few times when someone turns 21 and if they definitely look under age they will have to provide ID same as USA. LOL I was 47 when I came to the US and on my week off I was doing some redecorating for a new friend and showed up at the ABC store to get some scotch and vodka with my hair in pigtails, a baseball cap, t-shirt and cut off shorts with paint splotches and was asked for ID, that really cracked me up.
Comment from Mabaker
You know Alie you write so well, I like your style. Your writing reads like a proper story and is great reading. And your paragraphs all in their correct places, whereas mine is hit and miss. Love U Anne
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
 |
You know Alie you write so well, I like your style. Your writing reads like a proper story and is great reading. And your paragraphs all in their correct places, whereas mine is hit and miss. Love U Anne
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
-
LOL you write far more interesting stuff than I do, and you sure as heck produce more than I do. Yours is so interesting. Wow thanks for the six stars and for reviewing. Luv U Alie.
-
Heck I don't know about my writing. Everyone who reads me just want 'talking cat' stories! If I try something different they complaine
-
MMM just tell them that it is just a short story to give your mind a break and to allow you to think up more talking cat stories. Your talking cat stories are fantastic. I really enjoy them. Luv U Alie Oh I have to tell you- this is cool, one of the new trainees are three campers down from us in the park and they have a coach, just recently like three days ago he put up an American flag and another flag, when I asked him about it because I thought it was an Australian flag, it is close but from New Zealand. I do so love his accent, I probably couldnt tell the difference between the two countries. lol.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Alie. This chapter to the story flows along well. You have described the scene and characters, as well as advanced your story. Dialogue is natural. Good job.
Marilyn
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
|
Hi Alie. This chapter to the story flows along well. You have described the scene and characters, as well as advanced your story. Dialogue is natural. Good job.
Marilyn
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
-
Thank you Marilyn for the great review and constructive comments. Glad you are enjoying it.
Comment from robyn corum
Alie,
Nice to be reading you again! This is an interesting story - adding the animal elements to your nursing/doctoring story, I mean. Unusual. Definitely adds new and different elements. *smile*
I did spot several things that need your attention, though (you know me!)
1.) Dr. Peters (led) the way through the doors and down to recovery.
2.) She is a doctor as well but I('m) not sure which field."
3.) Do you mind if I (ask) what caused them?"
4.) "No, it(')s okay. The ones on the arm
5.) just some time off. Just let me know, okay(?)" Harold nodded.
6.) "Now why don't the two of you go and get something to eat(?)
7.) There is a little restaurant just a couple of blocks down that serve(s) a great
8.) Gray will be fine while you are gone(,)" Dr. Peters advised.
9.) Something to eat sound(s) great to me
10.) I also noticed the need for commas throughout.
--> Harold(,) you already know Daniel, but this is his friend(,) Rachel.
--> Come on(,) Rachel, chow time."
--> "Hi(,) Harold, I am a forensic medical examiner(,) or coroner(,) as most people call me.
--> in each of these (and other) situations, you're dealing with proper names being set off by commas - you can look that up on-line.
11.) Be sure that each instance of a new character speaking or acting takes place in a new paragraph:
--> He owes me a few favors, so it would be no charge, just some time off. Just let me know, okay." Harold nodded.
--> If I am understanding that correctly, one person is making an offer TO Harold. If so, Harold's nod needs to be set apart into it's own paragraph, followed by the new activity by another character in a new paragraph after that.
Make sense?
Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
 |
Alie,
Nice to be reading you again! This is an interesting story - adding the animal elements to your nursing/doctoring story, I mean. Unusual. Definitely adds new and different elements. *smile*
I did spot several things that need your attention, though (you know me!)
1.) Dr. Peters (led) the way through the doors and down to recovery.
2.) She is a doctor as well but I('m) not sure which field."
3.) Do you mind if I (ask) what caused them?"
4.) "No, it(')s okay. The ones on the arm
5.) just some time off. Just let me know, okay(?)" Harold nodded.
6.) "Now why don't the two of you go and get something to eat(?)
7.) There is a little restaurant just a couple of blocks down that serve(s) a great
8.) Gray will be fine while you are gone(,)" Dr. Peters advised.
9.) Something to eat sound(s) great to me
10.) I also noticed the need for commas throughout.
--> Harold(,) you already know Daniel, but this is his friend(,) Rachel.
--> Come on(,) Rachel, chow time."
--> "Hi(,) Harold, I am a forensic medical examiner(,) or coroner(,) as most people call me.
--> in each of these (and other) situations, you're dealing with proper names being set off by commas - you can look that up on-line.
11.) Be sure that each instance of a new character speaking or acting takes place in a new paragraph:
--> He owes me a few favors, so it would be no charge, just some time off. Just let me know, okay." Harold nodded.
--> If I am understanding that correctly, one person is making an offer TO Harold. If so, Harold's nod needs to be set apart into it's own paragraph, followed by the new activity by another character in a new paragraph after that.
Make sense?
Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
-
Thanks Robyn for reviewing and making those corrective suggestions which I will definitely take advantage of shortly, I really appreciate your comments and suggestions.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I must have missed a bit, but I was still able to follow this part easily. Poor Grey, I'm sure he'll be well pleased to wake up pain free. I think those traps should be illegal. This is a very well written part, and I really enjoyed reading it. Well done, Alie. :) xxx
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
|
I must have missed a bit, but I was still able to follow this part easily. Poor Grey, I'm sure he'll be well pleased to wake up pain free. I think those traps should be illegal. This is a very well written part, and I really enjoyed reading it. Well done, Alie. :) xxx
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
-
Thank you so much Sandra for reviewing and for your kind comments, I am so glad you are enjoying it. (smiles) and hugs.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Alie. I just have to ask Where does the background end and the new post begin? Unless I missed it somehow, I would advise you to show a mseparaion by using this ***** or something similar to guid ethe reader.
Now, then. I like how this all flows, Alie, but I would again sart a new paragraph after this line:
" . . . . a wonderful hug but who are you?" He smiled as he turned to Rachel.
"....serve a great breakfast all day long and vice versa?" What does this mean, please.
Ineresting write, Alie. I will continue to follow. :) Bob
And another new paragraph here: "Harold nodded."
And "somethoing to eat SOUNDS good to me."
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
|
Hi, Alie. I just have to ask Where does the background end and the new post begin? Unless I missed it somehow, I would advise you to show a mseparaion by using this ***** or something similar to guid ethe reader.
Now, then. I like how this all flows, Alie, but I would again sart a new paragraph after this line:
" . . . . a wonderful hug but who are you?" He smiled as he turned to Rachel.
"....serve a great breakfast all day long and vice versa?" What does this mean, please.
Ineresting write, Alie. I will continue to follow. :) Bob
And another new paragraph here: "Harold nodded."
And "somethoing to eat SOUNDS good to me."
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
-
Thanks for reviewing Bob, I really appreciate your constructive suggestions I did like your background idea and will definitely work on it next chapter unless I can change it when I make the other corrections.
