Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

I love Friesian horses. Have you seen the movie "Lady Hawk"? There is a gorgeous Friesian horse ridden by the hero in it.
The story is getting better and better.

 Comment Written 03-May-2018

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reply by the author on 04-May-2018

I goggled big horses, I had seen them before, but couldn't remember the name and I knew if I just put in 'Big Horses' they would show up. They are beautiful horses and I felt they would be good war horses for this story as they are so large and the men in this story are so big they would have to have a horse that could handle the weight, and they are known to be very calm. I think I have seen the movie but it was a long time ago so I don't remember the horse. Is it the one with the wolf and the hawk? I loved that movie. Anyway thank you again. I am looking forward to reading more of your story as well. It is very well done. Rox

Comment from Rasmine

Excellent

Hello,

Good writing. Kind of long, though. Sorry, I've been reviewing for hours.

I found some typos:
Joshua (Joshua's)heart hammered. The horde had over run (overrun) the fortress grounds. Joshua tried to free himself, but the man held him fast.

Have a good day,
Nome

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018

Thanks so much. Yes reviewing gets very tiring having to read so much. Sorry. I have been trying to make them shorter but then I have to do tons of reviewing to get the money to post all these chapter. I guess I'm just a cheapskate. =} Thank you for taking the time and still being able to find typos. =}

Comment from karenina

Excellent

I think there must be some genetic component yo prose writing...
I have tried twice and so doubly respect your ability to so ad e ptly weave a tale so enticngly riveting. I think I will play inmy poetry playpen and leave the heavy lifting to you! Wow.

Karenina

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018

This is very out of my element as I usually write children's books. Just wanted to try and see if I could do it. Thanks so much for the complement and stars. I'm sure you poems are wonderful, I have probable even read a few. Have a good Sunday. Rox

reply by karenina on 22-Apr-2018

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.
Helen Keller

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Do not be discourage[d] by this mighty army for the battle is not yours but Gods.
(This paragraph needs attention, I changed
it some but you may want to make the changes yourself.)
From the north, Joshua could see a vast army, a mightywarrior in the lead.The horsemen cut down the enemy with sword and bow, many being trampled beneath horses hooves.
Huge Friesian horses, muscled and powerful enough to wear armor. Anyhow use or lose. ell done I am enjoying your story. Nancy

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018

Thank you Nancy, I did some changes so hope it reads better now. Thank you for your help. =}

reply by nancy_e_davis on 21-Apr-2018

Yes, that reads better. Well done dear. Nancy

reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018

Thanks so much. =}

Comment from Harry Smith

Excellent

I like the great picture selection. I really enjoyed reading this chapter that kept the reader interested from beginning until the end. I enjoyed!

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018

Thank you so much Harry. =]

Comment from Shirley E Kennedy

Excellent

Hi Roxanna,
Another chapter full of information but also with quieter and lighter moments--
a time for the beginnings of new romance.
The focus never drifts too far from the looming battle and the key characters.
A nicely woven chapter.
:-) Shirley

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018

Thank you so much Shirley. =}

Comment from apky

Excellent

A very intriguing read for the reader, full of the spirit of adventure.

You also wrote it well indeed. I cannot say much for plot because this is the first chapter I read and I'm not acquainted with either plot or characters so far.

By the way Friesland lies between both Netherlands and German - just a FYI.

Joshua(Joshua's) heart hammered.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018

Thank you so much. I got my info about the horses from Wikipedia so it may have been a bit lacking. =} I'll fix my boo boo, thanks for telling me. Rox

Comment from Henry King

Excellent

This is a compelling story of a young man learning of his destiny. This scene is entered as the young man, Joshua, is dreaming. The action is intense as men and beast overrun the encampment. Joshua is helpless as he watches the slaughter and capture of his friends and lover. The man who holds Joshua in a tight grip and changes. The new spirit says Joshua is the chosen of God to lead men against the hoard. Do not fear. Apparently Joshua, before this dream vision was inept and unsure of himself, not earning the backing he needed to lead. He therefor changed his habits to conform into a leader of men. An exellently written and worded tale. It is worth to read as it progresses. Well done.

The author distracts the reader by using the word he too often. A reader is left hanging trying to determine who this or that he is. For example, in the chapter that begins, "The vision had reassured him ...". The last sentence. Who is the he, Joshua or Valdig?

In the first paragraph after the opening Bible quote, Augden needs an apostrophe and an s to show possession.

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018

Thank you Henry, I'll look at my 'he's' and add names if needed. Thank you again, Roc

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Exceptional

That was really fabulous, Rox! I love this story, and that vision, what an awful sight for Joshua to see, but it made him sit-up and realise HE was the chosen one to lead these giants among men. There are a few nits here which I made a note of and then they disappeared! :( Just read it through aloud once more and you'll find them. I'm terrible at that. I look forward to reading the next part, my friend. It's one of my favourite stories on here. :) Sandra xxxx

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018

Thank so much Sandra. I found a few boo boo's. I always know there is going to be a few. =} Thank you so much for the 6 stars. Very encouraging. =}

Comment from Sherman541

Excellent

Great Story !! I have not read the previous chapters, but if they anything like this, which I am positive that they are, this really a good book. I very much enjoyed the pictures you painted and how the images just popped. Smooth reading and keeps you wanting more. Sherman541

Below are to sentences you might want to change the words, help to (( helped)) and learn to (( learned ))
After what I saw, having to fight for such people could destroy a man," Joshua said as he (( help )) Lyse take the blanket from the dragons.

I feel I have (( learn )) too much in these past hours."

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018

Thank you so much. I fixed my boo boo's. Thanks for telling me. I can read it a million times and never see them.

reply by Sherman541 on 21-Apr-2018

You are most welcome and I think many of us are that way :)