My Brothers' Keeper
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Shopping and New Friends."Rachel feels responsible for her brother.
4 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Wow - Daniel is so kind, smart, and so multi-talented! It's not easy to bake breads that need time to rise etc. I like the hint that you dropped with Rachel wondering about what her dad would think of Daniel.
Question/Comment:
Leaving her vehicle parked. (Didn't they take Daniel's car? Was it Rachel's? Also, "Leaving her vehicle parked" is a participial phrase not a full sentence. Maybe something like: They left the vehicle parked.)
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2021
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Wow - Daniel is so kind, smart, and so multi-talented! It's not easy to bake breads that need time to rise etc. I like the hint that you dropped with Rachel wondering about what her dad would think of Daniel.
Question/Comment:
Leaving her vehicle parked. (Didn't they take Daniel's car? Was it Rachel's? Also, "Leaving her vehicle parked" is a participial phrase not a full sentence. Maybe something like: They left the vehicle parked.)
Comment Written 18-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much Helen for reading, reviewing and your amazing comments. I thought that was a neat hint. Yep, I know all about making bread, lol, until I went RVing in 2013 I made bread once a week on my days off. Oh I fixed that sentence and it was Rachel's vehicle, Daniel has a motorcycle, Todd and Billy dropped her car off.
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Ah, thanks for clarifying!
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LOL, I couldn't just leave you confused.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Alie. The developing romance between Daniel and Rachel seems to be one of compatible ease. They've slept together, but their relationship doesn't seem to hold much passion. I'm wondering if this is "just one of those things" or needs time to develop into more. Writing is clear, detailed and interesting. Introduction of other characters rounds it out. Marilyn
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Hi Alie. The developing romance between Daniel and Rachel seems to be one of compatible ease. They've slept together, but their relationship doesn't seem to hold much passion. I'm wondering if this is "just one of those things" or needs time to develop into more. Writing is clear, detailed and interesting. Introduction of other characters rounds it out. Marilyn
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for reviewing Marilyn. Sometimes the passion just has to build. Thanks for your kind comments.
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I agree, Alie.
Comment from Pantygynt
This friendly chit-chat helps to establish the sense of community in the mmind of the reader. From what I gather this is the essence of what they call "small-town America". mind you I don't speak from experience.
A few grammatical points that I noticed:
"struddell" It's strudel. I've got one in my freezer. Lol
"glass blown". This way round it means blown by glass which is nonsense but blown-glass, which is what you want, means glass created by blowing.
"wrap around". As with blown-glass, this is a compound adjective, an adjective created from two words that are not necessarilly adjectives themselves, and should therefore have a hyphen, "wrap-around", like blood-red ruby or blue-veined cheese.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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This friendly chit-chat helps to establish the sense of community in the mmind of the reader. From what I gather this is the essence of what they call "small-town America". mind you I don't speak from experience.
A few grammatical points that I noticed:
"struddell" It's strudel. I've got one in my freezer. Lol
"glass blown". This way round it means blown by glass which is nonsense but blown-glass, which is what you want, means glass created by blowing.
"wrap around". As with blown-glass, this is a compound adjective, an adjective created from two words that are not necessarilly adjectives themselves, and should therefore have a hyphen, "wrap-around", like blood-red ruby or blue-veined cheese.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for reviewing and again for catching those goof ups, I'll fix them in a moment. Yummy, strudel, I am on my way lol. It is more like 'small-village American', perhaps in a couple of chapters I will throw in the population of less than 100. I did a year in one of the northern meaning remote communities and the population with me included was 39. There were 3 mechanics, one pilot, one doctor, three nurses (including me), a chaplain, a couple that owned the general store & post office, and of course a combo diner/bakery. The kids were homeschooled. There was a tiny church, the clinic which had four beds for those needing hospitalization and one isolation room, a hanger/ mechanic shop for the vehicles and snowmobiles, the general store and diner. The church also served as the meeting place. The rest were houses. I don't even think it qualified as a village. LOL.
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It is amazing that the commercial enterprizes managed to make any money. In UK a settlement like that would be a village as long as it had a a church. A small community without a church or chapel here is called a hamlet.
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Ahaaa, I have learned something new today, thanks.
Comment from apky
This well written story drew me in from the start, by its descriptive power coupled with the light-heartedness of the writing which makes every situation normal, bouncy and engaging.
I particularly like the genuineness of your dialogue. It flows naturally too, like the writing, giving it an authentic feel to ie.
Excellent work.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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This well written story drew me in from the start, by its descriptive power coupled with the light-heartedness of the writing which makes every situation normal, bouncy and engaging.
I particularly like the genuineness of your dialogue. It flows naturally too, like the writing, giving it an authentic feel to ie.
Excellent work.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for reviewing, I really appreciate your kind comments and encouragement.
