My Brothers' Keeper
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Chimera"Rachel feels responsible for her brother.
5 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for sharing all the minute details of surgery! Of course, your professional experience shows in all the description. The blood squirt was quite the shock! I'm glad that you wrote about this rare condition and that Rachel honored this additional growth that could have been a twin brother.
"When Gray lead me to you (led)
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
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Thanks for sharing all the minute details of surgery! Of course, your professional experience shows in all the description. The blood squirt was quite the shock! I'm glad that you wrote about this rare condition and that Rachel honored this additional growth that could have been a twin brother.
"When Gray lead me to you (led)
Comment Written 14-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much Helen. It was great of you to review. Yukky stuff, sorry. I will fix that in a moment.
Comment from Pantygynt
The second part of this is an amazing story within a story. I had never heard of this type of "growth" before but I could identify with the removal and the packing with yards of gauxe as that happened to me about thirty-eight years ago when I developed a cerbaceous cist on my jaw. It burst and they gave me a full anaesthetic to deal with it but afterwards whenever I had it dressed they had to remove this long strip of gauze and re-pack it with a slightly shorter version.
A couple of grammatical tweaks I would like to suggest here.
'... What can I do to help?" He asked before he continued.
"When Gray lead me to you, and I uncovered the ...'
This should be all in one paragraph as it all part of the same speak with a five word tag interpolated. It should look like this:
'... What can I do to help?" he asked before he continued, "When Gray lead me to you, and I uncovered the ...' Note the upper and lower case alterations here. It is simply a matter of convention.
And a bit later we have:
"As I ran, carrying you back here, I just know I had to save you."
The first sentence is in the past tense so the second needs to be as well "... I just knew"
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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The second part of this is an amazing story within a story. I had never heard of this type of "growth" before but I could identify with the removal and the packing with yards of gauxe as that happened to me about thirty-eight years ago when I developed a cerbaceous cist on my jaw. It burst and they gave me a full anaesthetic to deal with it but afterwards whenever I had it dressed they had to remove this long strip of gauze and re-pack it with a slightly shorter version.
A couple of grammatical tweaks I would like to suggest here.
'... What can I do to help?" He asked before he continued.
"When Gray lead me to you, and I uncovered the ...'
This should be all in one paragraph as it all part of the same speak with a five word tag interpolated. It should look like this:
'... What can I do to help?" he asked before he continued, "When Gray lead me to you, and I uncovered the ...' Note the upper and lower case alterations here. It is simply a matter of convention.
And a bit later we have:
"As I ran, carrying you back here, I just know I had to save you."
The first sentence is in the past tense so the second needs to be as well "... I just knew"
Comment Written 05-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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Thanks for reviewing, ouch that must have been painful, I know from past experience that they freeze the first time but rarely thereafter, (shivers). Thank you for your noticing and suggesting those corrections, I will do them in a few moments.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Alie. This is an interesting write that I think can be shocking to contemplate. I think it will be needed here to explain why the chimera suddenly had a spurt of growth after so many years of being dormant. Your writing is clear for the reader. Marilyn
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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Hi Alie. This is an interesting write that I think can be shocking to contemplate. I think it will be needed here to explain why the chimera suddenly had a spurt of growth after so many years of being dormant. Your writing is clear for the reader. Marilyn
Comment Written 04-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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Thank you Marilyn for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate your kind comments. I will give it some thought and come up with a plan for that information in the next chapter.
Comment from MelB
Hi, this is a fantastic chapter. You described the procedure in perfect detail. I wish I had a six left, but used my last one this AM. I like that she named him, and that this guy has the same name.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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Hi, this is a fantastic chapter. You described the procedure in perfect detail. I wish I had a six left, but used my last one this AM. I like that she named him, and that this guy has the same name.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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Awwww thank you Mel for reviewing, I am glad you are enjoying it, I thought that the names would be a nice touch.
Comment from Swampfox1
The story is very bizarre, but well written. The length to me is not a problem and an author should never apologize for the length of a story. I had one person complain about the length of one story I wrote and I did not even acknowledge it. People are so lazy these days. I find your story to be one of the weirdest stories I have ever read but one thing I can say is that it held my interest. I can not believe she had it cremated. But, I think I will probably understand it better after the second reading. I would not change anything about it, and I did not find any mistakes.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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The story is very bizarre, but well written. The length to me is not a problem and an author should never apologize for the length of a story. I had one person complain about the length of one story I wrote and I did not even acknowledge it. People are so lazy these days. I find your story to be one of the weirdest stories I have ever read but one thing I can say is that it held my interest. I can not believe she had it cremated. But, I think I will probably understand it better after the second reading. I would not change anything about it, and I did not find any mistakes.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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Wow, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate your comments and encouragement. I guess I was thinking cremating was better than carrying around a blob that was her twin, sometimes my brain just comes up with something different.
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You're welcome. And I do understand, very much so. That is why I usually wait two or three days and then read it again. It's a trick taught to me at the university
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That is a good trick.
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Yep.
