Comment from mbroyles2

Exceptional

Great chapter as always.
Wonderful characters.
Let's take a closer look at something.
This is about Sir John and how you can give the reader more by showing then telling.
In one case you wrote:
"The look on Sir John's face was priceless"
This definitely ranks up there with telling instead of showing.
While it does give the reader the opportunity to image what a priceless look would be, it might be better to show us what it is that Veronica saw.
A good rule of thumb is to create a movie or television scene.
What would we see on Sir John's face that would cause us to think it was one of amazement?
Now let's look at how you conquered that later.
You wrote:
"Sir John sat up straight, his suspicious frown causing his brows to meet and form a bridge over his eyes, which made them appear to sink back into their sockets"
This is showing, especially if you took out the word "suspicious". His action of sitting up straight, and the frown making his eyes appear to sink back into their sockets gives us a clear picture of what Sir John might be thinking.
Do you see the difference?
I struggle with this a lot and I must admit I work on it constantly when I revise my story.
I truly enjoyed this chapter and there is so much happening here that it moves the story along quite well.
Excellent!
Michael

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018

Hi Michael, that is a really brilliant review, thank you so very much. I'll work on that sentence and see what I can come up with. I know you're busy, so when I've sorted it, I'll just PM you the change. I really appreciate that you'd take the time to explain your thoughts. You did boost my confidence in that you struggle with it too!

Thank you for the 6 stars, Michael, it means a lot coming from you. Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxxx

Comment from Rasmine

Excellent

Hello, Sandra, :)

I have a suggestion:
Without further ado, he told his goons to get out (how about 'leave'?), which they did immediately.

A very good chapter!! :D

Nome

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2018

Thank you so much, Nome, for your kind review. No, that wouldn't be Sir John's style. He'd not be polite to men who are born bullies and thieves and only had them around to do what he would never do. They won't be back again now. Thanks for the thought though. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from rwilliam

Exceptional

OH, I really like the photo for this one. Very 'authentic' to what I see in my head. Good job.

OH wow what a great chapter!! I really like how this is playing out! I didn't want to stop reading at the end.

Excellent writing, my friend!!

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2018

I was really lucky to find that photo. I had an image in mind, and it was when I was looking for a picture of something quite unrelated that I found it. I'm really pleased you think it fits in well. Thank you so very much, Rebecca, for the shiny six stars, and another wonderful, encouraging review. Big hugs. :) Sandra xx

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

A nice chapter, Sandra, just a pity I am not deep in for so much missed. Yet, good the read and language, as I know you have the narrative spot on.
My best wishes.
RG

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2018

Thank you so much, RG, for coming along and reading this part. I think everyone has trouble keeping up with the amount of work posted on here. It would take me all day just to review half of the writers I follow. I'm just pleased you can still enjoy the parts you read. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Now that's the way I like to see goons acting, running from fear. Growing up I would put myself in bad situations, just knowing I was in danger, but the bad guys not knowing I was in that position by choice. It never took too long to find out the majority were complete cowards unless the deck was in their favor. When they found out if wasn't, it didn't take long for them to tuck tail and run. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2018

Thank you so much, Ric. I know what you mean, these idiots are cowards when they are on their own. I'm glad you were one of the good guys! lol. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Hi Sandra,

I love that you get to throw things around and scare folks. It makes business proposals work much better lol! I think I must have missed a chapter, but this made up for it and I'm back on board.

Joy xx

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2018

LOL, that's what I like about ghosts and out of body beings! Veronica can do anything and get away with it. Hmm, I could be doing with some of that! Thank you so much, Joy, for this lovely review. The part you missed was of Rosie tearing a strip off Joe. Big argument, Rosie was furious with Joe. I enjoyed writing that part. This part comes off the back of that one and the next part, that I'm working on now is.... There you go! LOL. I''m glad you're back, it's hard, sometimes to keep up on here. Life is still going on outside FS and we have to tend to it. When that happens and I come back, my message box is chockablock full! I could never catch up and write. Just knowing you are enjoying my story, is a big plus in my mind. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxxx

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Exceptional

HAHAHA I can just imagine. She put a big scare in the three men for sure. I can't wait to see what Sir John thought of the explosion? The wrath of Gwendolyn? I think he will be more reasonable after that experience. Well done Sandra. Good imagery. Well done! Nancy

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

Thank you so very much, my dear friend, for the six lovely stars and your brilliant review. I love writing these parts, I can have fun with them. I don't think Sir John's goons will be working for him again, lol. Now he has to face Rosie! :)) Thanks, Nancy, I loved your review. Big hugs :) Sandra xxx

Comment from frogbook

Exceptional

Ok-you know this is my favorite-these slaps from a book will get you a 6-haha. This was funny as well as pleasing that it seems we will all get what we want for the boy. Enjoyable-didn't want it to end.

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

You are soooo kind, Joanne, thank you so very much for the lovely 6 stars, and the fabulous review!! I'm just so chuffed you enjoyed it so much. Thank you. I don't think this smile will come off my face for ages!! LOL. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx

Comment from JDRBAR

Exceptional

The next chapter better be quick in coming, Sandra. Only one question. Can Veronica actually make physical contact with someone? Can't wait til next chapter.

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

Ha!! I'm waiting to read what happens to Roland!!! LOL. It's almost ready but have lots of editing to do on it, and then some reviewing to build up some pumps. Thank you so very much for the lovely review and all those shiny stars, my friend!! Big hugs. Sandra xxx

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

Books flying , people running out the door for cover. Sir John got a taste of surprise. How are book sales. I do hope you prosper with many sells. Rosie will have her day. Who cares if they have another child.

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

He needed a bit of a scare, Ben. I don't think he'll mess with his sister's ghost any more! lol. Thank you so much so much, my dear friend, for your lovely review. Big hugs. Sandy xxxx