GULBRANDR- God's Sword
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Meeting"A child is born who will be a champion
11 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Roxanna,
Another cleverly crafted chapter which folows on with clarity whilst maintaining interest and focus.
Quite an enjoyable read.
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Hi Roxanna,
Another cleverly crafted chapter which folows on with clarity whilst maintaining interest and focus.
Quite an enjoyable read.
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 11-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2018
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Thanks so much Shirley
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Storyline flows nicely. Good character descriptions used throughout. This helps to hold interest in the events happening. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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Storyline flows nicely. Good character descriptions used throughout. This helps to hold interest in the events happening. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018
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Thank you, I take this as a huge compliment coming from. =}
Comment from Marisela Contona
I like this. it flows nicely. You have good word choses, and a great style. Keep writing, you have the skill. I look forward to more of your work.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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I like this. it flows nicely. You have good word choses, and a great style. Keep writing, you have the skill. I look forward to more of your work.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much Marisela. You have given me much encouragement. =}
Comment from karenina
I see no obvious grammar errors here...your writing style is consistent and pushes forward with sufficient urgency to maintain interest.... You would be best to ignore my review, however, since try as I might I could not entice a first grader to come and read with me! (smile)
Karenina
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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I see no obvious grammar errors here...your writing style is consistent and pushes forward with sufficient urgency to maintain interest.... You would be best to ignore my review, however, since try as I might I could not entice a first grader to come and read with me! (smile)
Karenina
Comment Written 29-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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First graders, they can be difficult. It's because they are so smart. Thanks so for the great review. Roxanna
Comment from Swampfox1
I like the way your stories flow. Very good writing. It keeps me interested and I could read this book. I think you are doing a fantastic job. Thanks for sharing this story.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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I like the way your stories flow. Very good writing. It keeps me interested and I could read this book. I think you are doing a fantastic job. Thanks for sharing this story.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Thanks so much. Very encouraging. Have a good evening. Rox
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You are welcome
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I really like your story Roxy. A fairy tale with a Viking flavor. Loved your authors notes as well, trouble is I don't have access to a first grader at this moment I guess I won't be researching names. Well done! Nancy
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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I really like your story Roxy. A fairy tale with a Viking flavor. Loved your authors notes as well, trouble is I don't have access to a first grader at this moment I guess I won't be researching names. Well done! Nancy
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Oh please don't try it without that first grader. =} Thanks so much Nancy. Have a great day. Rox
Comment from Debbie Pope
This is like watching a tv series where you get to watch only one episode a week. If I had ready access to this book, I would not be putting it down. You create such anticipation at the end of each chapter. Last chapter, it was Joshua being greeted by the giant. This time, it is Nyla meeting her son for the first time. I can review for pages about your story, and all of it would be positive. I like your characterization, your plots, your use of details. I look forward to Nyla and Joshua fighting together.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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This is like watching a tv series where you get to watch only one episode a week. If I had ready access to this book, I would not be putting it down. You create such anticipation at the end of each chapter. Last chapter, it was Joshua being greeted by the giant. This time, it is Nyla meeting her son for the first time. I can review for pages about your story, and all of it would be positive. I like your characterization, your plots, your use of details. I look forward to Nyla and Joshua fighting together.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much. Very encouraging. I'm so happy you are enjoying it. Rox
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is getting so exciting, Rox!! I'm glad to see you are not apologising anymore about the length! lol. If I had the finished paperback in my hands, I would not put it down until I'd finished, and then mourned the fact that I had finished it! I was all goosy when Joshua came for his mother. I hope they get rid of Hamish, I bet he's the cause of the evil that's brewing. I can't wait for the next part. Poor Dak is going to be so sad. Big hugs, my friend, and well done!!!!!! Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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This is getting so exciting, Rox!! I'm glad to see you are not apologising anymore about the length! lol. If I had the finished paperback in my hands, I would not put it down until I'd finished, and then mourned the fact that I had finished it! I was all goosy when Joshua came for his mother. I hope they get rid of Hamish, I bet he's the cause of the evil that's brewing. I can't wait for the next part. Poor Dak is going to be so sad. Big hugs, my friend, and well done!!!!!! Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for the 6 stars. You are most encouraging. One reviewer said I repeat too often, am getting predictable and let too much time pass. His reviews are super long with all my errors. He must take hours to review people posts. I'm too lazy to do that. =} I do appreciate the help and his taking the time. I am amazed he keeps reading. Must really want the money. =} I have been reading his stuff to see if is so perfect, and it's pretty good. Darn! =} One reviewer said English mush not be my first language. ={ So sad! So it is nice to hear from someone who likes my hero and little dragon. =} This is a huge stretch for me so I know I need the help and am trying to learn from it. I don't really take it personally and am fine with it
Comment from Pamusart
I found the story interesting. I suspect that English is not your native language. Considering that, you did very well. I could not do enemy every issue, but I tried to document examples to help you. My only goal is to help. Please do not take it as criticism. I am happy when someone helps me.
I found some other things, but do not have the time to list each one out. Just remember if the subject is plural then, you need to use the singular form of the verb. Lemons smell fresh. Not Lemons smells fresh. Lemon smells fresh. Then also remember that disbelieve
Is a verb and disbelief is a noun. Also, pay attention to the possessive. Need to add apistrophies.
"Joshua looked towards the mountains that seems so far away."
Mountains is plural,
So it should be seem
"There is an evil coming Joshua, the like the world has never seen"
Should be likes of which
"The council keep their eyes downcast while Hamish ranted and they didn't look up when he left."
Should be kept because you used past tense everywhere else.
"not always well in their hast to spend time with her. They especially looked forward to visit from her nephew"
Not always well in their haste. Notice the ending e. Not always well. I do know what you are trying to say, but it is not right
""I knew you would return one day," said Nyla, who shook with disbelieve that she was actually looking at her son"
Should be disbelief
Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed your story
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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I found the story interesting. I suspect that English is not your native language. Considering that, you did very well. I could not do enemy every issue, but I tried to document examples to help you. My only goal is to help. Please do not take it as criticism. I am happy when someone helps me.
I found some other things, but do not have the time to list each one out. Just remember if the subject is plural then, you need to use the singular form of the verb. Lemons smell fresh. Not Lemons smells fresh. Lemon smells fresh. Then also remember that disbelieve
Is a verb and disbelief is a noun. Also, pay attention to the possessive. Need to add apistrophies.
"Joshua looked towards the mountains that seems so far away."
Mountains is plural,
So it should be seem
"There is an evil coming Joshua, the like the world has never seen"
Should be likes of which
"The council keep their eyes downcast while Hamish ranted and they didn't look up when he left."
Should be kept because you used past tense everywhere else.
"not always well in their hast to spend time with her. They especially looked forward to visit from her nephew"
Not always well in their haste. Notice the ending e. Not always well. I do know what you are trying to say, but it is not right
""I knew you would return one day," said Nyla, who shook with disbelieve that she was actually looking at her son"
Should be disbelief
Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed your story
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Thank you for all the corrections. It is amazing how many times I read these things before posting and never see them and I do catch a lot. Man, its scary how my brain just over looks it all. =] My email are like this too. So sad. Thank you for all your time and kind review even though I am a ding dong. =} Roxanna
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It happens to all of us
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Some more time jumps, but the relationships between Nyla and her family stay well rooted. I have a fear that this is becoming a little repetitive in places. Not just in this chapter but overall. You use set phrases a lot and whilst showing the mother's belief and faith, it is becoming a little predicable in that department. it may well change now she knows he's safe and they've been reunited.
He put on no faults airs - false airs?
and it rose to it's feet and began to run - its.
but he push it behind him and sat his mind on things ahead. - pushed / set.
It would be a good idea to use a signifier for scene changes such as a centred# or suchlike.
I am loathed to tell his mother this news - just loathe.
Puff up and vain with only selfish intention - Puffed up.
He would not let him with in ten stones - within.
They had since had a son who joined his parent in serving him. - parents.
Hamish still felt the boy was / He too felt he was destined / he felt he would be more - be careful of repetition. These felts are all very close together. You do the same in some other places too.
They left before day break - daybreak.
eye toward them and lamented his absents.- absence.
No one other woman they knew used either - the 'one' is redundant here.
She gave them all lesson which - lessons.
not always well in their hast - haste.
swordfights can be a single word.
and just a vigilant when it came - just as.
Recognition dawn and Nyla ran - dawned.
Nyla, who shook with disbelieve - disbelief.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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Hi there,
Some more time jumps, but the relationships between Nyla and her family stay well rooted. I have a fear that this is becoming a little repetitive in places. Not just in this chapter but overall. You use set phrases a lot and whilst showing the mother's belief and faith, it is becoming a little predicable in that department. it may well change now she knows he's safe and they've been reunited.
He put on no faults airs - false airs?
and it rose to it's feet and began to run - its.
but he push it behind him and sat his mind on things ahead. - pushed / set.
It would be a good idea to use a signifier for scene changes such as a centred# or suchlike.
I am loathed to tell his mother this news - just loathe.
Puff up and vain with only selfish intention - Puffed up.
He would not let him with in ten stones - within.
They had since had a son who joined his parent in serving him. - parents.
Hamish still felt the boy was / He too felt he was destined / he felt he would be more - be careful of repetition. These felts are all very close together. You do the same in some other places too.
They left before day break - daybreak.
eye toward them and lamented his absents.- absence.
No one other woman they knew used either - the 'one' is redundant here.
She gave them all lesson which - lessons.
not always well in their hast - haste.
swordfights can be a single word.
and just a vigilant when it came - just as.
Recognition dawn and Nyla ran - dawned.
Nyla, who shook with disbelieve - disbelief.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
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I'll look it over again, when I work on a chapter at a time I often forget that I have already said that. =} Someone thought English was not my first language. ={ That is so sad!This is a huge departure from what I usually write about to it is a stretch for me. I'm beginning to realize I'm not as great as I think I am. No that can't be true! =} Thank you for taking so much time. If you review all the post you read like this. you must spend hours doing so. I spend an hour and want to bang my head against a wall. So of the poems, I really think people make them unintelligible because they think it makes them sound sophisticated. I have sad news for them. Anyway thanks so much for all your time and help. I am looking forward to reading more about your cowboy in Oz. =} Rox
