Hungover
Just another day at the office21 total reviews
Comment from Katya
Would you get angry if I said I believe you can do a lot better than this? Hangovers of note are gruesome awful things; it's worth describing the physical sensations in more detail. Don't be afraid to put us inside the person having the hangover--that's the point, isn't it?
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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Would you get angry if I said I believe you can do a lot better than this? Hangovers of note are gruesome awful things; it's worth describing the physical sensations in more detail. Don't be afraid to put us inside the person having the hangover--that's the point, isn't it?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Thanks for reviewing.
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You are a very good sport with this reply! On my last look. it seemed you were winning the contest, so my review must have come from outer space.
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No comment.
Comment from Beck Fenton
Wow! Didn't see that ending coming at all. Good job. I love the choppy phrases. This is a great vignette of a typical worker in the Twin Towers that day.
Just that date brings everything back. Good job and good luck.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Wow! Didn't see that ending coming at all. Good job. I love the choppy phrases. This is a great vignette of a typical worker in the Twin Towers that day.
Just that date brings everything back. Good job and good luck.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Thanks for your great review
Comment from jusylee72
Wonderful hundred word story. Very engaging and unexpected but excellent ending. I love the idea and the truth of how ordinary days sometimes become history.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Wonderful hundred word story. Very engaging and unexpected but excellent ending. I love the idea and the truth of how ordinary days sometimes become history.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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I really appreciate your great review. Thank you..
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Jenintorre, this is a great short story. It's fast pace allowed for more interest to get to the end to see what all the rush is about...even though there was a hang over involved. I thought it was going to end with the guy falling asleep and waking up after the office had closed and everyone left. I thought the concluding sentence was a very clever twist, incorporating a sad historical event. Very good read. ~DD
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Jenintorre, this is a great short story. It's fast pace allowed for more interest to get to the end to see what all the rush is about...even though there was a hang over involved. I thought it was going to end with the guy falling asleep and waking up after the office had closed and everyone left. I thought the concluding sentence was a very clever twist, incorporating a sad historical event. Very good read. ~DD
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for your great review.
Comment from Spitfire
Great story of how we take things for granted, get bored by the humdrum routine. To dull his senses even more, the narrator gets drunk and blames all the noise on a hangover. Is he ever in for a rude awakening.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Great story of how we take things for granted, get bored by the humdrum routine. To dull his senses even more, the narrator gets drunk and blames all the noise on a hangover. Is he ever in for a rude awakening.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
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Thankyou so much for your great review.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
(/11 started out just like any other day. At work we always had a staff meeting on Tuesdays at 9:00 Am, so it's easy for me to remember where I was when the event occurred. The boss wheeled a TV into the room. We saw the second plane as it happened. The room was silent. Finally, the boss said, "Go home and be with your family."
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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(/11 started out just like any other day. At work we always had a staff meeting on Tuesdays at 9:00 Am, so it's easy for me to remember where I was when the event occurred. The boss wheeled a TV into the room. We saw the second plane as it happened. The room was silent. Finally, the boss said, "Go home and be with your family."
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I was in spain and saw it on T.V. at first I thought it was a film.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Woah!
That last line did it for me! Never saw it coming.
I loved the short clip of the dialogue with no dialogue marks. Said dialogue is genuine - resonates with how someone feels after a night of some pretty good drinking. But it's the little details/hints that are commanding of the 9/11 date:
Smell smoke, someone's burning toast again. and
Banging, shouting, screaming, must be dreaming.
It's very hot, air conditioning must be broken.
Kudos on a well-penned and very creative flash fiction 100 word story.
diane
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Woah!
That last line did it for me! Never saw it coming.
I loved the short clip of the dialogue with no dialogue marks. Said dialogue is genuine - resonates with how someone feels after a night of some pretty good drinking. But it's the little details/hints that are commanding of the 9/11 date:
Smell smoke, someone's burning toast again. and
Banging, shouting, screaming, must be dreaming.
It's very hot, air conditioning must be broken.
Kudos on a well-penned and very creative flash fiction 100 word story.
diane
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for the stars and review.J.
Comment from humpwhistle
Maybe it's just me. Maybe I remember that day too vividly.
Maybe I'm uncomfortable ... with what? I guess, the date. The use.
I guess it's just me.
And I think it's Alka Seltzer.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Maybe it's just me. Maybe I remember that day too vividly.
Maybe I'm uncomfortable ... with what? I guess, the date. The use.
I guess it's just me.
And I think it's Alka Seltzer.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I am so sorry if this has made you feel uncomfortable. I understand where you're coming from. Why Alka seltza?
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The hangover reliever is Alka-Seltzer, not Alka Seltza.
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Thanks. Changed it.
Comment from tfawcus
The shotgun part sentences, spraying random thoughts into the air in an attempt to get focused for another day a the office after a hard night's partying doesn't prepare us for the shock ending! How easily our humdrum lives can be cut short by sudden tragedy. A powerful piece of writing that should do well in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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The shotgun part sentences, spraying random thoughts into the air in an attempt to get focused for another day a the office after a hard night's partying doesn't prepare us for the shock ending! How easily our humdrum lives can be cut short by sudden tragedy. A powerful piece of writing that should do well in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Many tha ks for your commentx..
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 100 Word Story writing prompt.
Your description of starting your day with a hangover is very clear. And it's Sept 11, 2001.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the 100 Word Story writing prompt.
Your description of starting your day with a hangover is very clear. And it's Sept 11, 2001.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thanks Sharon.
