Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "Chapter Einundzwanzig part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
29 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, if Shana shares any resemblance to the young lady in the picture, I'm sure that neither Anderson, nor Liam are going to give up easily. Of course, those deep, dark, eyes seem to have a certain intensiveness that is never going to be easy to deal with. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Well, if Shana shares any resemblance to the young lady in the picture, I'm sure that neither Anderson, nor Liam are going to give up easily. Of course, those deep, dark, eyes seem to have a certain intensiveness that is never going to be easy to deal with. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I agree. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
Drew Anderson Sharp is a billionaire and a very good catch for you lady who wants a good husband that respects her. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Drew Anderson Sharp is a billionaire and a very good catch for you lady who wants a good husband that respects her. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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My pleasure, Barbara. Charlie/
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
There is no way I could object even if I thought it was, which, I hasten to add, it's NOT!! I marvel at how you can stop where you normally do! I love the story and wish it would go on and on! Things are hotting up, how will Shana stand up to her father? This will be so good and I can't wait to read more. It seems like Anderson is in big trouble, now, and life has taken a turn for the worse all round. I can't wait for next Sunday. Well done, my friend. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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There is no way I could object even if I thought it was, which, I hasten to add, it's NOT!! I marvel at how you can stop where you normally do! I love the story and wish it would go on and on! Things are hotting up, how will Shana stand up to her father? This will be so good and I can't wait to read more. It seems like Anderson is in big trouble, now, and life has taken a turn for the worse all round. I can't wait for next Sunday. Well done, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the generous review.
Comment from Sankey
Wow! Getting hot! I hope your other readers are enjoying this as much as I am. So easy to follow and no confusion in this chapter. Also not a Spag anywhere. Hurry back with more!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Wow! Getting hot! I hope your other readers are enjoying this as much as I am. So easy to follow and no confusion in this chapter. Also not a Spag anywhere. Hurry back with more!
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the kind review,
Comment from rama devi
Good characterization and scene delivered via dialog with fine details included in the narrative to bring it to life. I';d love to see a simile or two. Excellent pacing. A few spag nits (five stars in advance, as I may not be too active next two days)
NOTES
*
Taking Shana's hand in his, Anderson said(ASKED), "Ready to tackle your dad?"
* He listened,(no ,) before he said, "Good bye."
*He tried to contain his anger as he relayed the conversation to Shana.
This is telling more than showing. Suggest using a simile or descriptive way of conveying the same idea.
Example (not a great simile - just off the top of my head--recommend conjuring a stronger simile, but just to exemplify and illustrate the idea)::
Anger threatened to boil over like a pot with too much water, but he tried to contain it as he relayed his conversation to Shana.
* "Last I heard(,) you had a practice in Champaign."
*
Shana entered the house(,) and her eyes met Anderson's,
*
"I might have said something to his mother. I don't remember,(no ,) for sure."
* Number one;(:) we had a running argument about me attending college.
* Shana paused, before she continued,
Speech tag not required. Suggest just putting Shana paused.
*
"But(,) sweetheart, every Jewish girl knows
*
"I know that(,) Papa, and that's what I want.
*
After the blessing and the food was passed, Liam touched Shana's left hand.
Passive voicing and awkward grammar. Suggest:
After they recited the blessing and passed the food, Liam touched Shana's left hand.
*
"Anderson, all knights eventually fall off their white stallion(s).
Fine work - just needs fine tuning...
Not reviewing as much as usual...but will visit from time to time. I'm always able to get drawn back into your story even when missing chapters.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Good characterization and scene delivered via dialog with fine details included in the narrative to bring it to life. I';d love to see a simile or two. Excellent pacing. A few spag nits (five stars in advance, as I may not be too active next two days)
NOTES
*
Taking Shana's hand in his, Anderson said(ASKED), "Ready to tackle your dad?"
* He listened,(no ,) before he said, "Good bye."
*He tried to contain his anger as he relayed the conversation to Shana.
This is telling more than showing. Suggest using a simile or descriptive way of conveying the same idea.
Example (not a great simile - just off the top of my head--recommend conjuring a stronger simile, but just to exemplify and illustrate the idea)::
Anger threatened to boil over like a pot with too much water, but he tried to contain it as he relayed his conversation to Shana.
* "Last I heard(,) you had a practice in Champaign."
*
Shana entered the house(,) and her eyes met Anderson's,
*
"I might have said something to his mother. I don't remember,(no ,) for sure."
* Number one;(:) we had a running argument about me attending college.
* Shana paused, before she continued,
Speech tag not required. Suggest just putting Shana paused.
*
"But(,) sweetheart, every Jewish girl knows
*
"I know that(,) Papa, and that's what I want.
*
After the blessing and the food was passed, Liam touched Shana's left hand.
Passive voicing and awkward grammar. Suggest:
After they recited the blessing and passed the food, Liam touched Shana's left hand.
*
"Anderson, all knights eventually fall off their white stallion(s).
Fine work - just needs fine tuning...
Not reviewing as much as usual...but will visit from time to time. I'm always able to get drawn back into your story even when missing chapters.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I made the corrections, except for the similes. I don't like similes so I don't use them. Just me.
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Wow, really? I love similes! They are creative. I don't like cliche ones, though. Warmly, rd
Comment from Ulla
This is agreat continuation,and there's a lot of tension. I must say that Shana's family is extremely old fashioned. I've had quite a few Jewish friends,orthodox even, and none have ever come across being this strict. Anyway, I love the story.
Anderson covered his eyes with is hand and massaged his temples. = Anderson covered his yes with his hand and massaged his temples. All the best. Ulla:)))
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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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This is agreat continuation,and there's a lot of tension. I must say that Shana's family is extremely old fashioned. I've had quite a few Jewish friends,orthodox even, and none have ever come across being this strict. Anyway, I love the story.
Anderson covered his eyes with is hand and massaged his temples. = Anderson covered his yes with his hand and massaged his temples. All the best. Ulla:)))
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I will fix that area. I have numerous Jewish friends. It depends on the family. Thank you.
Comment from Ben Colder
Things are heating up. Anderson is still in the running but wil Jewish culture prevail to harbor a sex machine? Tune in to this station next weel for Austin here we come. LOL. Great job Roll em Roll em. Keep dim pages rolling.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Things are heating up. Anderson is still in the running but wil Jewish culture prevail to harbor a sex machine? Tune in to this station next weel for Austin here we come. LOL. Great job Roll em Roll em. Keep dim pages rolling.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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LOL Your review causes a huge smile on my face. Thank you.
Comment from royowen
It's getting to the business end of the relationship, if this was merely platonic it wouldn't have gone this far, but Anderson has tended to get Shans in trouble with the Russians by pursuing the painting issue, and being a good Jewish girl is complicating the issue even further., Liam sounds like a bit of a sleaze anyway. I think in Jewish times they had an appointed matchmaker. Well done Barbara, great episode, blessings, Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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It's getting to the business end of the relationship, if this was merely platonic it wouldn't have gone this far, but Anderson has tended to get Shans in trouble with the Russians by pursuing the painting issue, and being a good Jewish girl is complicating the issue even further., Liam sounds like a bit of a sleaze anyway. I think in Jewish times they had an appointed matchmaker. Well done Barbara, great episode, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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You are so correct. I think I need to the Matchmaker song to my post. I think I will. LOL Thank you for the reminder.
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Well done Barbara
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Barb
= OMGoodness! This was an excellent chapter.
= So sorry I've missed out on so much. I love the way Shana gave Liam an accounting of why she broke up with him. Sounds like a real cad.
= It's nice to be back. However, I will be reading/reviewing/posting here and there, as I still have a lot going on. Seems to be my way of life of late. Albeit, all is good--just busy.
Cheers, J
(*<*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*<*)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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Hi, Barb
= OMGoodness! This was an excellent chapter.
= So sorry I've missed out on so much. I love the way Shana gave Liam an accounting of why she broke up with him. Sounds like a real cad.
= It's nice to be back. However, I will be reading/reviewing/posting here and there, as I still have a lot going on. Seems to be my way of life of late. Albeit, all is good--just busy.
Cheers, J
(*<*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*<*)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
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I need to read some more of your work. Thank you for the kind review.
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I haven't been posting since Christmas, except for a couple of poems. So much going on. (*<*)
