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Perennials of War

Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "Chapter Einundzwanzig part drei"
Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan

29 total reviews 
Comment from Sasha
Excellent
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Oh dear, things are getting very complicated. It isn't just Jewish families that interfere with a daughter's life. Drew is well equipped to handle the situation, as well as Shana's ex-boyfriend. He does seem to be a conveniently forgetful man. How could he not remember why Shana dropped him?

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
    I think he forgot because, he's got an ego issue. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hello Barb
I found the various conversation of the members of the family quite clever who decides the best match is for Shana,I'm not saying who.
I'll wait and see if it's Anderson or her old boyfriend.
Gert

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
    I think you already know. LOL Thank you for the kind read.
reply by Gert sherwood on 26-Mar-2018
    Hi Barb
    I'm not sure until I see who you think it should be.
    Gert
Comment from judiverse
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Interesting on the part of the family to dredge up an old boyfriend. Sounds like Liam is old news to Shana and she isn't interested in getting things started again. She had solid reasons for breaking up with him. Grandma sends Liam away, so she must respect Shana's ability to make her own decisions. Anderson's plans for moving to Texas are news to Shana. I wonder if she will tire of his taking charge of everything? That's something they'll need to deal with. Will Shana be willing to go to Texas with Anderson? If there is a real threat on her life, that might be her only option. Great story development. It is worth six stars, and I'm so happy to see your posts every week. judi

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Rasmine
Excellent
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Hello, Barbara, :)

Good chapter. I found a typo and have a suggestion:

"I know that Papa, and that's what I want (you use 'that' twice; maybe you could get rid of one. Somone on here told me to watch how many 'that's' I use.). In the City (small 'c' because you aren't naming it), the only place for her to play outside is one of the parks.

Okay, Barbara,
Nome

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
    I agree with the word that. I had an editor tell me once to not use them. I will see if I can rewrite it. It is dialogue so I need to keep it natural. Most over use of that is for example, I know that the dog will bark, it should be I know the dog will bark, Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
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Hi Barbara,

Well pretty much the expected response with added devilment from Benjamin here with the old suitor.

"Shana, Shana!" I thought that was you." - extra speech marks in here.


 Comment Written 26-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the catch. I have removed them.
Comment from antonieta
Excellent
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Hi,

I liked your writing. The narrative flows well and the dialogues are very well done. The theme is also important according to the Jewish tradition.

Thanks for sharing

Antonieta

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rtobaygo
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Good morning, Barbara

Enjoyed the post. Loved the machinations between Shana, her parents and Liam. One definitely came away with Shana's father and mother wanting her to marry Liam despite his sleeping around. Typical double standard men can sleep around and it's essentially ignored or washed over, but had Shana done the same thing it would have brought shame to the family.

Observation: Anderson covered his eyes with his hand and massaged his temples: sounds awkward and even more so to try and do. If you cover your eyes with one hand, how can you massage both temples at once? Maybe closed his eyes and massaged his temples?

Take care and stay safe,

Ray

 Comment Written 26-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
    I will work on that area. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Beck Fenton
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I love your building this thriller of a story. I have a crush on Anderson and I'm actively looking for him. Grin.
Your dialogue flows well and the pace is well maintained.
I don't give 6 stars lightly. You earned it.

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Curly Girly
Excellent
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This is another great, well-written post, Barbara. I like the picture you chose--she's dark and lovely.
I bought the kindle version of your book about the Confederate soldier.
I hope to get into it soon. Amazon knows if you turn the pages or not. They have spyware on everything these days.

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Excellent
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Hi, Barbara;
I'm not sure if I'm enjoying this story because of the artwork OR the machinations of a Jewish father. I grew up with mostly Jewish little girls. They were all the apples of Daddy's eye, and I didn't have a father. This part of Shana's story is making me remember so many things. Well done,

A nit:

'Anderson covered his eyes with is(his) hand and massaged his temples.'

~patty~

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 25-Mar-2018
    I make that mistake often. DARN!!! I appreciate the kind review.