Reviews from

The Hardening

Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Swamp"
A Revision

37 total reviews 
Comment from Paws4FX
Excellent
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Hi Michael, I enjoyed reading your chapter. There were a few things that I felt were a little out of place, but it may just be that I don't know enough about swamps in general, and Louisiana swamps in particular.

I'm not sure why he would have a 'miner's' lamp. Perhaps this is known from previous works. I would be tempted to just call it a carbide lamp, unless there's a good reason he would have it.

When I hear the word 'hedgerow,' I think of a cultivated, pruned bush. Not something that I would expect to find in the wilds of a Louisiana swamp. Again, I don't know what things in the swamp are called, but even when I google imaged hedgerow, they were all pictures of well trimmed bushes.

I guessing you're just adding variety to your pronouns, but I don't feel like you should call him the killer. Your exceptional, descriptive prose lets us know who he is, and it feels a little redundant to call him that.

I'm trying to envision how crushed hands might look like chopsticks, as they are straight and rigid?

Very descriptive, engrossing read.


 Comment Written 09-Apr-2018


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
    Thank you for taking the time to review this chapter and for the helpful comments
Comment from krprice
Excellent
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Excellent post.

Not having read The Last Laugh, this was new to me. I certainly enjoyed it as I love to read and write mysteries, among other genres. I look forward to reading more.

Karlene

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2018


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
    Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter and for the kind review.
Comment from Katya
Excellent
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Yuck! Truly horrible! Not at all my cup of tea! But it's good writing, good characterization, good description, good narrative. A VERY good hook for a first line. Whew!

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the wonderful review and kind words
Comment from nassus1957
Excellent
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I really don't like bloody, senseless, gory murder of a mad serial killer who gloats at seeing the pain and torture of his victims before making a final kill. I felt like the author is abusing the shock value technique to inject horror to the readers. But this is just a personal view and it won't affect how skilled you are as a writer. You have a natural flair for story telling.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
    Thank you for taking the time to review this chapter and comments.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hey, Michael.
Guess it's time to dig right in...

At night, deep in the Louisiana swamps was no place to be. ... Much the same could be said about The 'Natti too, Michael.
Opening day tomorrow.
Be there or be square...

Lifeless eyes hung loose in their sockets, milky white with enlarged ash-colored pupils. ... Mmmmmmm ... delectably dark; good descriptive narrative too.

The killer got back in the boat. He frowned, like a child at the end of an amusement ride when he realized it wasn't all that good, unfulfilled, as if he wasted his time standing in line. ... Great use of simile here, Michael. It certainly makes a lasting impression.

He should have dropped her in the pit.

But, he needed the room for the rest of them.
..."the rest of them..."
That pretty much says it all, my fiend friend.
Sorry, heh-heh...
Exemplary writing, as usual.
~Dean


 Comment Written 28-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
    Thanks, Dean.
    I appreciate the tremendous review and support.
    I heard they moved opening day to Friday.
    Kind of bums me out.
reply by Dean Kuch on 29-Mar-2018
    You're welcome, Michael.
    Yeah, it bums me out too.
    ~Dean
Comment from Pamusart
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I do not think I have seen any prior chapters. I am rather new to this site. Many books present a chapter with certain characters and the next chapter presents totally new ones. So, if you are new you might not realize that you read a previous chapter with different characters. I've written a number of poems on this theme of a psychopath or sociopath murderer. Is there such a person who is a psychopath it a sociopath and who is not a murderer? I am thinking no. Well written. I look forward to the next chapter. Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 28-Mar-2018
    Thank you for taking the time to review this chapter and for the wonderful review.
Comment from Sugarray77
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Ewww, this is creepy. The Louisiana bayous are spooky enough without dead bodies floating about. WEll done on developing a great running story and including sharp, poignant descriptions.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 27-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the wonderful review and encouraging words
Comment from apky
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level



I loved your vivid descriptions below which made the reader visualize the scene so perfectly. You also left this at such a pitch. I'm wondering how many bodies are yet to come, whether they're men, women or children...

Great, Michael.

>>The Gator-Tail mud motor hummed as it pushed the heavy duty aluminum boat through shallow water, cutting through the duckweed and salvinia ferns, and coming to a stop on the edge of a protruding bank. The vessel rocked as the killer rolled the beaten and mangled body of the woman onto the shore. Shoots of Sawgrass slapped at him as he wrestled to balance himself. Mud and water sloshed over his boots. The muck made a sucking sound as it entered the opening and soaked his socks.<<

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 27-Mar-2018
    Thank you so much for the tremendous review and encouraging comments. I truly appreciate them.
Comment from Sherman541
Excellent
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What a great story keeps you reading wanting to know. The story line is great and a killer in swamp and burning bodies. Love the picture too. Very intriguing and interesting. Sherman541

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 27-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the wonderful review and kind words
reply by Sherman541 on 27-Mar-2018
    you are most welcome :)
Comment from Swampfox1
Excellent
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Great job on the story. It held my interest and you write well. I did not find any errors. I liked -At night, deep in the Louisiana swamps was no place to be.". Keep up the great work.

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2018


reply by the author on 27-Mar-2018
    I certainly appreciate the wonderful review and encouraging words
reply by Swampfox1 on 27-Mar-2018
    you're welcome.