My Brothers' Keeper
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Meeting Gray's friend."Rachel feels responsible for her brother.
6 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
How cool! I love the sound of that cave-studio apartment! And wow! Daniel - White Eagle/Eagle Feathers is not only smart but very wealthy. I liked that his building has childcare (for his employees?) and a running track. He sounds like a great guy.
In Daniels case, (Daniel's)
small appliances ran of the same power (off)
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
  |
How cool! I love the sound of that cave-studio apartment! And wow! Daniel - White Eagle/Eagle Feathers is not only smart but very wealthy. I liked that his building has childcare (for his employees?) and a running track. He sounds like a great guy.
In Daniels case, (Daniel's)
small appliances ran of the same power (off)
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
-
Thank you so much Helen for reading, reviewing and your great comments. This was actually a spin off of Nat's wolf story. I will make those corrections shortly.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really interesting. I like the way they had of finding a name for the new-born child. Did they do that with girl babes too? Anyway, Now we are off to find our friend who is in desperate need of help. :) Sandra x
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
|
That was really interesting. I like the way they had of finding a name for the new-born child. Did they do that with girl babes too? Anyway, Now we are off to find our friend who is in desperate need of help. :) Sandra x
Comment Written 26-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2018
-
Thanks once again, yes they do for all babies. That is how I got my native name, mind you I was not a new born when I found out, so the elders gave me a naming date and then for the twenty four hours watched for something unusual. They said that about 4 am there was a shadow across the moon that looked like a feather so my native name was 'mystery moon shadow', when I was old enough to legally change my name I changed it to that in the native tongue. Whew, no one else is aware of that, so mum is the word, my friend. :-)
Comment from Pantygynt
So this is how th modern native American lives. in little over 100 years they have managed a transition from the stone-age to the silicone chip age or whatever age it is we live in these days. And yet, in so doing this one at least has not lost that essential connection with the wild for which the race is so famous. Recent history seems full of the Ira Hayes of this world who found the transition too much of a quantum leap and consequently fell by the wayside. It is good to read of one who, even in fiction, made the amazing transition successfully.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
|
So this is how th modern native American lives. in little over 100 years they have managed a transition from the stone-age to the silicone chip age or whatever age it is we live in these days. And yet, in so doing this one at least has not lost that essential connection with the wild for which the race is so famous. Recent history seems full of the Ira Hayes of this world who found the transition too much of a quantum leap and consequently fell by the wayside. It is good to read of one who, even in fiction, made the amazing transition successfully.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
-
Thank you for your kind comments. I really appreciate it that you take the time to read and review. I am glad of your understanding of the transformation of life for the Native Americans.
Comment from BeasPeas
Excellent. A well thought out chapter, explaining the background of Uncle George and Daniel. I enjoyed this chapter--a good read. There may be a typo here:
"Gray was now done (with) his meat and was pacing restlessly." Looking forward to the next chapter. Marilyn
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
|
Excellent. A well thought out chapter, explaining the background of Uncle George and Daniel. I enjoyed this chapter--a good read. There may be a typo here:
"Gray was now done (with) his meat and was pacing restlessly." Looking forward to the next chapter. Marilyn
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
-
Thank you Marilyn for reviewing, I am so glad you enjoyed it. I will fix that typo in a moment.
Comment from apky
Although you have very little by way of dialogue, your descriptions are vivid and catch the reader's attention and keeps it to the end, as in this paragraph:
In fact, his office building also housed his home. His private apartment was the top level of the four stories. His office and those of the other lawyers took up the third floor. The daycare, after school area and the meeting rooms made up the second floor and the agency cafeteria and secretarial pool were housed on the first floor. The finished basement was a storage area. The back side of the building which faced the wooded area was fenced in for Gray to have a running area. One end provided ample parking for staff and clients, and the other end was fenced in and equipped as a playground for the children.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
|
Although you have very little by way of dialogue, your descriptions are vivid and catch the reader's attention and keeps it to the end, as in this paragraph:
In fact, his office building also housed his home. His private apartment was the top level of the four stories. His office and those of the other lawyers took up the third floor. The daycare, after school area and the meeting rooms made up the second floor and the agency cafeteria and secretarial pool were housed on the first floor. The finished basement was a storage area. The back side of the building which faced the wooded area was fenced in for Gray to have a running area. One end provided ample parking for staff and clients, and the other end was fenced in and equipped as a playground for the children.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
-
Thank you for reviewing and for your kind observational comments. Thank you for enjoying it.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, strong ending that leaves the reader wondering what will happen next. Your writing is good, you have a nice style. The only suggestion I have for improvement would be to remove the '4' at the beginning and write out 75, so it is seventy-five. I think that's how you do it in prose. I noticed nothing else jarring and thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
|
Hello, strong ending that leaves the reader wondering what will happen next. Your writing is good, you have a nice style. The only suggestion I have for improvement would be to remove the '4' at the beginning and write out 75, so it is seventy-five. I think that's how you do it in prose. I noticed nothing else jarring and thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
-
Thank you for reviewing and for your kind comments. I appreciate your suggestions and will make those changes shortly.
