I Am a Clock
what defines us anyway?42 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I've read this piece several times now. I'm not 100% sure I agree with the analogy of the clock. A clock that doesn't tell the time doesn't really fulfil its actual purpose. Time isn't visible because time is a human construct.
The piece itself is good with a nice flow and rhythm maintained throughout, but as a concept I'm not sold.
GMG
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Hi there,
I've read this piece several times now. I'm not 100% sure I agree with the analogy of the clock. A clock that doesn't tell the time doesn't really fulfil its actual purpose. Time isn't visible because time is a human construct.
The piece itself is good with a nice flow and rhythm maintained throughout, but as a concept I'm not sold.
GMG
Comment Written 29-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Different opinions make the world go round. A an RN, over the years, I have treated people who are in a coma or have "locked in syndrome"--a condition that leaves their mind unscathed but destroys all ability to communicate or move. Like the clock without the face, these cannot be diminished by their limitations. What kind of world would it be if things that did not appear to work by external perspective....including precious humans...were denied value. A clock that works perfectly inwardly needs only someone to care enough to repaint the numerals and replace the hands. Still, poetry is about your own perception....we can disagree and respect one another's work.
Thank you,
Karenina
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But humans aren't clocks. that's where I think the analogy falters. A clock's worth is in being able to tell the time. The worth of a life is measured in many more innumerable ways. A clock's value is diminished by not actually being able to show the time. Maintaining the analogy, it would be a sad state of affairs if a human's worth was determined by someone else...
It's an interesting theme.
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We agree to disagree......
If you could see the treatment of many with locked in syndrome you'd wish they were treated as well as clocks without faces....
Karenina
Comment from meeshu
really excellent, KARININA. wonderful rhymes and flow.
it energizes itself as it goes. one thought: displaced for misplaced in line 3
well done....meeshu
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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really excellent, KARININA. wonderful rhymes and flow.
it energizes itself as it goes. one thought: displaced for misplaced in line 3
well done....meeshu
Comment Written 29-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2018
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Hmmmm.
.I think you have a point there sir!
Thanks for the editing suggestion!
I will run and change it now....
Thanks!
Karenina
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cool glad to help....meeshu
Comment from donette1914
wow outstanding of this clock without a face and how well you wrote this. a well penned poem that should be in a clock shop.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018 by donette1914
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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wow outstanding of this clock without a face and how well you wrote this. a well penned poem that should be in a clock shop.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018 by donette1914
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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Ah, so deep it's shallow I guess....time is an abstract man made concept....and faces (clocks and human) do not determine the true essence of what is within...but I fear I bit off more than I could poetically chew to get that across! Thanks for your read and your comments....I find all comments helpful!
Karenina
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This is a really well written poem describing clocks. I like how you did a superb job in comparing the unchanging clock face to the changing face of everything else. I enjoyed reading this. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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This is a really well written poem describing clocks. I like how you did a superb job in comparing the unchanging clock face to the changing face of everything else. I enjoyed reading this. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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Yes! Much closer to the point I was trying to get at than some saw when they read this...poetry can be so darn subjective! Karenina
Comment from sunnilicious
We have identities from birth. Fingerprints and birth certificates are just the start. It's a paper trail that can now be caught on the web. Some people are to technologically advanced but it is a truth of life for more that we would like to think about. Enjoyable poem to read. Nice work.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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We have identities from birth. Fingerprints and birth certificates are just the start. It's a paper trail that can now be caught on the web. Some people are to technologically advanced but it is a truth of life for more that we would like to think about. Enjoyable poem to read. Nice work.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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True, a paper trail identifies our record of birth st so....but does it tell who we truly are within, or only that we exist? Guess that was part of where I was trying to go....
Thanks,
Karenina
Comment from Gloria ....
I like your technique of shifting from the clock talking about itself and then shifting focus onto the observer.
Some great wisdom in this poem, Karenina and a delightful presentation.
Many thanks for sharing.
Gloria
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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I like your technique of shifting from the clock talking about itself and then shifting focus onto the observer.
Some great wisdom in this poem, Karenina and a delightful presentation.
Many thanks for sharing.
Gloria
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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Thanks Gloria...
A POETIC stretch for me
I'm a bit out of my comfort zone...but happy to have at least attempted something a little less traditional!
Karenina
Comment from MercurySeven
I really like the creative form here, Karanina, and also that you don't keep a rigid, clock-like tetrameter rhythm. It has a tempo and it rhymes well, but you slow each verse down at the end so the reader can take stock and reflect. Clever. My favourite part was this:
I cannot display to you,
what my quartz components do; -- that's the essence of the piece for me, that our true worth is hidden from face value and that time/age only makes that more apparent. It's such a good write - I think it's the best of yours I've read so far. Glad it reached the front page.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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I really like the creative form here, Karanina, and also that you don't keep a rigid, clock-like tetrameter rhythm. It has a tempo and it rhymes well, but you slow each verse down at the end so the reader can take stock and reflect. Clever. My favourite part was this:
I cannot display to you,
what my quartz components do; -- that's the essence of the piece for me, that our true worth is hidden from face value and that time/age only makes that more apparent. It's such a good write - I think it's the best of yours I've read so far. Glad it reached the front page.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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My favorite line as well. I am no longer surprised when you massage the heart of my poems...you seem to inherently get the core meaning, which is such a rush for this author...
Thank you very much,
Karenina
Comment from BeasPeas
What a terrific poem and with a good message. Original and unique. A well written piece. Good rhyming and philosophy. Sorry not to have a sixer for you. Marilyn
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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What a terrific poem and with a good message. Original and unique. A well written piece. Good rhyming and philosophy. Sorry not to have a sixer for you. Marilyn
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2018
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As I climbed on a poetic limb to tackle something so abstract even the mention of a sixer is good as having one, to me. I am learning as read here that a static poet is a n oxymoron! Thanks!
Karenina
Comment from Sharon Haiste
A good and strong message here. We are not always what our faces show, we are what is behind the face.
Well written and well said.
Thank you for sharing this clever verse with us.
Sharon
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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A good and strong message here. We are not always what our faces show, we are what is behind the face.
Well written and well said.
Thank you for sharing this clever verse with us.
Sharon
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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HI! Yes! Th a nod for grabbing my kind of obscure point here....time is invisible yet we rely on the view of timepieces to mark our routines....when in fact, for the clicks face and each of our own it is the inside, not the exterior appearances that passing time ravages that holds the greatest meaning! Thanks,
Karenina
Comment from ameen786
Hello Karenina, a poet and a philosopher's job is to make readers think and you got me thinking here; profound reflections; as they say, nothing's permanent; excellent rhymes.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Hello Karenina, a poet and a philosopher's job is to make readers think and you got me thinking here; profound reflections; as they say, nothing's permanent; excellent rhymes.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2018
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Time is not visible....yet the results of time are! I got caught up in a philosophical vortex!
