Moving on up
Danica prepares for the ultimate battle.6 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
With all these clothing references, one might expect the company to be in that business. If it were not, then those same references have got to be either describing the characters decision-making processes, or framing people in clothing-related metaphors.
...Danica wore self like a loose fitting garment.
...accessorize her persona
...rattle her armor
...she could feel Betsy undressing her intentions
...flashed her a deceptive smile.
This may already be obvious and implied to others, but I felt like I discovered some 'thread' that would weave through the text.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
  |
With all these clothing references, one might expect the company to be in that business. If it were not, then those same references have got to be either describing the characters decision-making processes, or framing people in clothing-related metaphors.
...Danica wore self like a loose fitting garment.
...accessorize her persona
...rattle her armor
...she could feel Betsy undressing her intentions
...flashed her a deceptive smile.
This may already be obvious and implied to others, but I felt like I discovered some 'thread' that would weave through the text.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
-
Entirely sub-conscious when it comes
to metaphor. I tend to stay focused.
Comment from Joan E.
I almost missed this post--it must be for a blind contest. You had me with the first sentence, which vividly introduced your character. You certainly make us want to know how this story plays out--will she take over the company or not... I can see you expanding on this flash fiction in the future. In the mean time, best wishes in this competition- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
|
I almost missed this post--it must be for a blind contest. You had me with the first sentence, which vividly introduced your character. You certainly make us want to know how this story plays out--will she take over the company or not... I can see you expanding on this flash fiction in the future. In the mean time, best wishes in this competition- Joan
Comment Written 13-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
-
Thanks for the great review. It was my contest.
-
Good for you to sponsor the contest--and share a great entry. -J
Comment from Beck Fenton
You have given us a tidbit of a larger story. Danica is certainly a "dragon lady" type of boss and yet you haven't drawn her too heavy-handed. I love your first line "Danica wore self like a loose fitting garment. " Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
|
You have given us a tidbit of a larger story. Danica is certainly a "dragon lady" type of boss and yet you haven't drawn her too heavy-handed. I love your first line "Danica wore self like a loose fitting garment. " Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
-
Thanks. it was my contest and I came in 2nd.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"know it all" should be "know-it-all". Seems "Danica" has big aspirations to take over the company and does not care who she steps on doing so. The business world, nothing like it. Could be developed into an intriguing story.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
|
"know it all" should be "know-it-all". Seems "Danica" has big aspirations to take over the company and does not care who she steps on doing so. The business world, nothing like it. Could be developed into an intriguing story.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
-
Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'Introduce Your Main Character' writing prompt.
Your story and character build are very clear.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
|
I think this is a good entry for the 'Introduce Your Main Character' writing prompt.
Your story and character build are very clear.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about an introduction to the main character Danica, she acts quickie and somewhat deceptive and not so careful about her 401 K for the battle; well worded, well done. Thank you for sharing this with us. Good luck with the contest. KEEP WRITING, INSPIRE CHANGING. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
|
This speaks about an introduction to the main character Danica, she acts quickie and somewhat deceptive and not so careful about her 401 K for the battle; well worded, well done. Thank you for sharing this with us. Good luck with the contest. KEEP WRITING, INSPIRE CHANGING. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2018
-
Thanks for the great review.
