Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 67 "Chapter Zwanzig part veir"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
25 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara;
An action scene is always difficult because you need to draw a picture for the reader without being too wordy. I think it's a juggling act.
I love the interactions between Shana and Anderson. Thank goodness he understands her background and her shyness. Not many men would understand a woman not wanting to be seen in her pajamas.
Looking forward to the next part,
~patty~
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Hi, Barbara;
An action scene is always difficult because you need to draw a picture for the reader without being too wordy. I think it's a juggling act.
I love the interactions between Shana and Anderson. Thank goodness he understands her background and her shyness. Not many men would understand a woman not wanting to be seen in her pajamas.
Looking forward to the next part,
~patty~
Comment Written 05-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Drew is one of a kind. I want him. LOL Thank you.
Comment from apky
The improvement on the last post is perfect. At least it makes the story stronger and Anderson more believable and three-dimensional, not a cardboard character simpl shooting around and stepping away.
"Hopefully, this doesn't take long. Philip's booking us a hotel. We'll leave soon."
~ Hasn't Shana got anything to say here? Anything by way of even a reaction; a nodd of the head, closing her eyes for a moment before opening them again? Surely being a Jew does not render her incapable of behaving like a flesh and blood human being?
"Gather your things. We're going to a hotel. The limo will arrive in about thirty minutes."
~ And what does Shana have to say to that, or do, or anything? She's not made of cardboard or wet cloth to be pushed here and shoved there, and dumped the other place, all around the stroy's landscape, with hardly an opinion of her own especially in such tense moments.
You might detest me by now, and it's you have the right to: this is your story and you can write it however you want to. Only, I'm so passionate about writing and I see a lot more potential in the character of Shana than you allow her to have. You could make this character shoot through the ceiling, honestly.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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The improvement on the last post is perfect. At least it makes the story stronger and Anderson more believable and three-dimensional, not a cardboard character simpl shooting around and stepping away.
"Hopefully, this doesn't take long. Philip's booking us a hotel. We'll leave soon."
~ Hasn't Shana got anything to say here? Anything by way of even a reaction; a nodd of the head, closing her eyes for a moment before opening them again? Surely being a Jew does not render her incapable of behaving like a flesh and blood human being?
"Gather your things. We're going to a hotel. The limo will arrive in about thirty minutes."
~ And what does Shana have to say to that, or do, or anything? She's not made of cardboard or wet cloth to be pushed here and shoved there, and dumped the other place, all around the stroy's landscape, with hardly an opinion of her own especially in such tense moments.
You might detest me by now, and it's you have the right to: this is your story and you can write it however you want to. Only, I'm so passionate about writing and I see a lot more potential in the character of Shana than you allow her to have. You could make this character shoot through the ceiling, honestly.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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I have made a few changes. I in know way detest you. I like and want your feed back. I post on FS for people to give me feedback. I don't always agree because I know where I want to take the story. Most of the time my characters lead the way. Your feedback causes me to rethink things and that's good. I have added more interaction from Shana.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the post. The action in the previous post was quite realistic, no major, drawn out gun battles, just a quick strike by the enemy and Anderson's equally quick reaction. You could feel Shana's angst at wanting to get rid of the picture. Well done.
This will be my last review for awhile -- having neck surgery for pinched nerves -- will resume reviewing once I get the okay from the Doctor to do so.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the post. The action in the previous post was quite realistic, no major, drawn out gun battles, just a quick strike by the enemy and Anderson's equally quick reaction. You could feel Shana's angst at wanting to get rid of the picture. Well done.
This will be my last review for awhile -- having neck surgery for pinched nerves -- will resume reviewing once I get the okay from the Doctor to do so.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 05-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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You are in my prayers.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That's it, he has to marry her now, I mean to day, he's seen her twice in her jimjams!! LOL. I loved this part, Barbara, I bet he doesn't sent that message though about the painting. I wonder what he's going to do next. I thought that bit about Shana's ancestors was really good, it brought in the dreadful things that happened to the Jewish race. They have suffered throughout history. Well done, my friend. :) Sandra.
I'm starting your book tonight! xx
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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That's it, he has to marry her now, I mean to day, he's seen her twice in her jimjams!! LOL. I loved this part, Barbara, I bet he doesn't sent that message though about the painting. I wonder what he's going to do next. I thought that bit about Shana's ancestors was really good, it brought in the dreadful things that happened to the Jewish race. They have suffered throughout history. Well done, my friend. :) Sandra.
I'm starting your book tonight! xx
Comment Written 05-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2018
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Please give me food back. I appreciate your kind review.
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I will. And I'll put a review on Amazon for you. If it's as good as this one, you'll have a winner. xxx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
Another good instalment, and looks like all those 'commandments' are flying out the window.
"Hopefully, this doesn't take long. Philip's booking us a hotel. We'll leave soon." - not sure here, maybe won't take long?
Being slightly off-balanced, she slipped onto the floor.
- maybe off-balance here.
Nazis doesn't need the apostrophe.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Hi Barbara,
Another good instalment, and looks like all those 'commandments' are flying out the window.
"Hopefully, this doesn't take long. Philip's booking us a hotel. We'll leave soon." - not sure here, maybe won't take long?
Being slightly off-balanced, she slipped onto the floor.
- maybe off-balance here.
Nazis doesn't need the apostrophe.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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I have made the corrections. Thank you.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
I found this chapter filled with action, and glad you didn't get into any (lets call it gory scenes during the shooting
I loved the humor part of Shana in her PJ (s)
Note
I'm wondering why Shana doesn't want the plaiting any more?
Gert
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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Hello Barb
I found this chapter filled with action, and glad you didn't get into any (lets call it gory scenes during the shooting
I loved the humor part of Shana in her PJ (s)
Note
I'm wondering why Shana doesn't want the plaiting any more?
Gert
Comment Written 04-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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I don't think Shana likes all the trouble it's causing. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
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Hi Barb
you are welcome
I can understand how Shana feels but, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if she changes her mind
Gert
Gert
Comment from c_lucas
This reminds me of Clark Gable's with much more action. Your post is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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This reminds me of Clark Gable's with much more action. Your post is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome, Barbara.
Comment from judiverse
I'm always glad to see your posts. This is exciting. Thanks to his wealth and position, Anderson can take care of security. If these guys got in by sabotaging the electrical lines, they must be pretty good. I did think you might have given a bit more information about these men, what they looked like, etc. Maybe that will all come out when Anderson speaks to the police. It would seem the attempts on Shana's life are not over yet. The main guy is still out there, and after all she's been through Shana is willing to give up the painting. Cute bit with the pajamas. Great to have some light-hearted moments. Great six star work. judi
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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I'm always glad to see your posts. This is exciting. Thanks to his wealth and position, Anderson can take care of security. If these guys got in by sabotaging the electrical lines, they must be pretty good. I did think you might have given a bit more information about these men, what they looked like, etc. Maybe that will all come out when Anderson speaks to the police. It would seem the attempts on Shana's life are not over yet. The main guy is still out there, and after all she's been through Shana is willing to give up the painting. Cute bit with the pajamas. Great to have some light-hearted moments. Great six star work. judi
Comment Written 04-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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I didn't add descriptions of the men because it really doesn't move the story along. I will rethink that. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're very welcome. If you're going to be killing someone, it might be appropriate to give some clue about the man, and Anderson's reaction. judi
Comment from Ric Myworld
On paper, to me, I don't see that you struggle with anything, including action. It's all just a picture of what is happening at the time, so who can truly say what you see better than you. Don't pay any attention to what others think. It's your story, and it's your visions. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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On paper, to me, I don't see that you struggle with anything, including action. It's all just a picture of what is happening at the time, so who can truly say what you see better than you. Don't pay any attention to what others think. It's your story, and it's your visions. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 04-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the wonderful review.
Comment from Sankey
Great Chapter again. I love all your writing. You never let your readers down while keeping us all wanting more and more. No spags at all. Keep up the good work!
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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Great Chapter again. I love all your writing. You never let your readers down while keeping us all wanting more and more. No spags at all. Keep up the good work!
Comment Written 04-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
