tanka (brittle leaves)
tanka contest20 total reviews
Comment from D. K. Mamula
I love the mental picture the words paint for the reader. A talented writer knows how to take their audience into the scene. You did this easily and let my imagination fill in what would happen next. Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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I love the mental picture the words paint for the reader. A talented writer knows how to take their audience into the scene. You did this easily and let my imagination fill in what would happen next. Well done!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the lovely review. Val
Comment from Deirdre Anne Gialamas
Dear Val,
Your tanka conjured up very warm images.
* The sounds of some words were wonderful.
* Last line worked nicely to wrap it up.
Warmest wishes,
Deirdre Anne
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Dear Val,
Your tanka conjured up very warm images.
* The sounds of some words were wonderful.
* Last line worked nicely to wrap it up.
Warmest wishes,
Deirdre Anne
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2018
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Thank you for the lovely review. Val
Comment from Sandra Elizabeth Williams
I like this piece but unfortunately I had to re-read it about three times to understand because there are no commas to separate the thoughts.
I'm sorry but it does not flow without the punctuation.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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I like this piece but unfortunately I had to re-read it about three times to understand because there are no commas to separate the thoughts.
I'm sorry but it does not flow without the punctuation.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2018
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2018
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Well, this is a tanka, and a Japanese Short form. Which does not usually allow the use punctuation, you might want to look up tanka rules before you judge. None the less, thank you for the review.
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I did read the Tanka rules. Your tanka has three thoughts, not one.
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Sigh, I don't expect you to change your review. But a taka is two separate pieces, the first is a haiku and the last two lines are about human emotion. None the less, good luck with judging Japanese Short Form. I have been writing it for years. Good bye
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
I like that this tanka poem evokes so much imagery. Your word choices, such as brittle, crackle, and kindle were so well chosen! The ending is very well written and your whole tanka poem flows well.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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I like that this tanka poem evokes so much imagery. Your word choices, such as brittle, crackle, and kindle were so well chosen! The ending is very well written and your whole tanka poem flows well.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Thank you Cindy.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Val, great entry for the tanka contest and best of luck. Your imagery is lovely and your well-chosen words create this. Nothing like a warm fire on a cold day, and you also add that touch of romance at the end. I liked it, and thanks for sharing a poem I would recommend to other readers for review, Ana.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Hello Val, great entry for the tanka contest and best of luck. Your imagery is lovely and your well-chosen words create this. Nothing like a warm fire on a cold day, and you also add that touch of romance at the end. I liked it, and thanks for sharing a poem I would recommend to other readers for review, Ana.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Thank you for the lovely review.
Comment from William Ross
Great job on the tanka, on a couple enjoying a nice fire at home. this should do well, good luck on the contest and have a good day
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Great job on the tanka, on a couple enjoying a nice fire at home. this should do well, good luck on the contest and have a good day
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Thanks
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
A very descriptive Tanka which rekindles past memories.
Gathering kindling was something I considered a chore but when the fire was lit and warmth pervaded the room it was divine.
Yes, in front of a crackling fire is deemed lovers delight.
Blessings
Sirley
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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A very descriptive Tanka which rekindles past memories.
Gathering kindling was something I considered a chore but when the fire was lit and warmth pervaded the room it was divine.
Yes, in front of a crackling fire is deemed lovers delight.
Blessings
Sirley
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Thank you, for the lovely review.
Comment from Ricky1024
"Brittle Leaves is a Tanja Contest Entree rich in Theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well.
Adjective Content was aligned well with Objective.
Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Good luck with this and have a blessed day.
Dr Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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"Brittle Leaves is a Tanja Contest Entree rich in Theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well.
Adjective Content was aligned well with Objective.
Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Good luck with this and have a blessed day.
Dr Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for your lovely and thoughtful review.
Comment from Pamusart
Are you aware that this does not match 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count? I entered one for a 20 syllable count and someone let me know it did not follow the rules. I appreciated knowing that. I like the poem. And, I know the rules are only suggestions. It does not matter as to the beauty and the meaning of the poem. Sounds like maybe a couple of teen lovers are crunching steps under the family's front porch. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Are you aware that this does not match 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count? I entered one for a 20 syllable count and someone let me know it did not follow the rules. I appreciated knowing that. I like the poem. And, I know the rules are only suggestions. It does not matter as to the beauty and the meaning of the poem. Sounds like maybe a couple of teen lovers are crunching steps under the family's front porch. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Yes, I am aware of this syllable count, BUT I have been writing tanka for a very long time and it does not have to be in this order. I've won contests with less syllable counts. Thank you for trying to help me out, and for liking the tanka. Fanstory needs to be clearer on what Japanese short form poetry is about syllable count wise.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is warm, romantic and cosy, words that spell a night of passion by the fire, great warm glowing ambience oozing from you words, good luck with this Tanka, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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This is warm, romantic and cosy, words that spell a night of passion by the fire, great warm glowing ambience oozing from you words, good luck with this Tanka, love Dolly x
Comment Written 10-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the lovely review
