The Life of Mrs. Armstrong
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Slow Cookers"Out of retirement..
4 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Andrea does seem to be such a sweet girl. And how forgiving she is and these days, victims of sexual harassments would never consider giving a gift to the harasser! I like how you did that conversation between Andrea and her mother in dialogue form. It gave lots of information naturally.
Suggestions:
Just called her and tell her (call)
so its just us girls. (it's)
"Night, mom." (Mom) It was Phyllis Stewart who taught me that when a family noun is used as a name, we capitalize it.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2021
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Andrea does seem to be such a sweet girl. And how forgiving she is and these days, victims of sexual harassments would never consider giving a gift to the harasser! I like how you did that conversation between Andrea and her mother in dialogue form. It gave lots of information naturally.
Suggestions:
Just called her and tell her (call)
so its just us girls. (it's)
"Night, mom." (Mom) It was Phyllis Stewart who taught me that when a family noun is used as a name, we capitalize it.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much Helene for reviewing and your great comments and suggestions. I will fix those in just a moment. Hugs n smiles!
Comment from Pantygynt
It is surprising how this simple writing holds my interest but it has done all the way so far. Towards the end of this episode you have run into a problem with a
"point of view". So far this has been written entirely from the point of view of Mrs A. It is acceptable for books to be written from what is known as an omniscient point of view, but if you do that it has to be established early on.
From this point on: "In the privacy of her room, Andrea called her mother." You have suddenly shifted the point of view from Mrs A to Andrea's for the firstr time. That is not acceptable. My advice is that you end this episode with that sentence.
The "surprise" of the present will come over all the better if we see it through Mrs A's eyes as we have grown used to doing. I am sure she will realise that it has been financed elsewhere. If you were writing from an omniscient point of view we would have viewed developments in the class from their different points of view. We didn't, and quite rightly you stuck with the single point of view of Mrs A. That is how it should stay. I am not going to dock stars for this but I strongly advise rethinking how this is all going to pan out because we should only see things as Mrs A would see them and know the things Mrs A would know.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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It is surprising how this simple writing holds my interest but it has done all the way so far. Towards the end of this episode you have run into a problem with a
"point of view". So far this has been written entirely from the point of view of Mrs A. It is acceptable for books to be written from what is known as an omniscient point of view, but if you do that it has to be established early on.
From this point on: "In the privacy of her room, Andrea called her mother." You have suddenly shifted the point of view from Mrs A to Andrea's for the firstr time. That is not acceptable. My advice is that you end this episode with that sentence.
The "surprise" of the present will come over all the better if we see it through Mrs A's eyes as we have grown used to doing. I am sure she will realise that it has been financed elsewhere. If you were writing from an omniscient point of view we would have viewed developments in the class from their different points of view. We didn't, and quite rightly you stuck with the single point of view of Mrs A. That is how it should stay. I am not going to dock stars for this but I strongly advise rethinking how this is all going to pan out because we should only see things as Mrs A would see them and know the things Mrs A would know.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Good point and thank you for bringing it to my attention, I never thought of it that way. I am so glad you have been taking the time to review because you have definitely provided some interesting and valued guidance. I will definitely rethink this and redo it; it might take a day but I will make it happen. Again thanks.
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Glad to be of help.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Looks like it all worked out, with her mother's support. You need to use names in the first paragraph. You began saying HER and HIS and I had no idea who you meant. Or just give a one-sentence review of what happened previously. Since I only read promoted posts, I skip a lot between, so have to get my bearings. :)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Looks like it all worked out, with her mother's support. You need to use names in the first paragraph. You began saying HER and HIS and I had no idea who you meant. Or just give a one-sentence review of what happened previously. Since I only read promoted posts, I skip a lot between, so have to get my bearings. :)
Comment Written 20-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Thanks for reviewing Phyllis and I do appreciate your input. I will make that change shortly.
Comment from Ricky1024
"Slow Cooker was well written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well with no grammar issues as well.
Adjective Content was aligned well with Objective Content and Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Thanks for this.
Dr Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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"Slow Cooker was well written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well with no grammar issues as well.
Adjective Content was aligned well with Objective Content and Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Thanks for this.
Dr Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Thanks for reviewing and your comments.
