Pecos Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Chapter 5: Patch"Ride the trail with Wyatt and the Bar JS Wranglers
17 total reviews
Comment from Ferkit
I grew up reading westerns so I was curious to see your take on the West. You have a unique style of writing. I will admit that the sudden use of first person in the eighth paragraph threw me. Other than that, I felt the story flowed well. The story line is catching.
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reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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I grew up reading westerns so I was curious to see your take on the West. You have a unique style of writing. I will admit that the sudden use of first person in the eighth paragraph threw me. Other than that, I felt the story flowed well. The story line is catching.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2018
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The whole tale is being told from Wyatt's 1st Person Omniscient POV. Glad you enjoyed this portion of the tale and invite you to ride along as the rest of my tale unfolds.
Comment from Fridayauthor
This is an interesting setting and story line, The posting reads very smoothly and the characters are easily visualized.
I did have a bit of trouble with the description of what followed this line....
... a prairie dog raced past Verne's boots.
It seems to me, he wouldn't have time to kick at it; it's already past him. If it continued to"race", it wouldn't scurry off.
Just being picky....
Good posting.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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This is an interesting setting and story line, The posting reads very smoothly and the characters are easily visualized.
I did have a bit of trouble with the description of what followed this line....
... a prairie dog raced past Verne's boots.
It seems to me, he wouldn't have time to kick at it; it's already past him. If it continued to"race", it wouldn't scurry off.
Just being picky....
Good posting.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale.
Comment from David Thomas
I've never read a western before, but I really enjoyed this. You even wrote in the accents that existed during this period. However, I would advise caution when writing in this particular style, because this dialect can be hard to understand if you not accustomed to it.
Examples: "I'd not want the notion considered I'd refuse a loan to a friend," Verne told him.
Pecos Valley weren't brimming with people, nor was it illuminated with lights.
Also, I believe the paragraph below could use some clarification, because I had no idea it was talking about a horse until later in the story. However, if this clarified earlier in your novel, I do apologize.
Pecos Valley weren't brimming with people, nor was it illuminated with lights. Verne noticed one paint hitched outside the Silver Cent. Tobiano belonged to Patch Murphy. With a solid black head, Tobiano had dark-colored flanks, four white legs below his hocks, and a two-toned tail.
Regardless, your story is a good read, and I look forward to the following chapters.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2018
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I've never read a western before, but I really enjoyed this. You even wrote in the accents that existed during this period. However, I would advise caution when writing in this particular style, because this dialect can be hard to understand if you not accustomed to it.
Examples: "I'd not want the notion considered I'd refuse a loan to a friend," Verne told him.
Pecos Valley weren't brimming with people, nor was it illuminated with lights.
Also, I believe the paragraph below could use some clarification, because I had no idea it was talking about a horse until later in the story. However, if this clarified earlier in your novel, I do apologize.
Pecos Valley weren't brimming with people, nor was it illuminated with lights. Verne noticed one paint hitched outside the Silver Cent. Tobiano belonged to Patch Murphy. With a solid black head, Tobiano had dark-colored flanks, four white legs below his hocks, and a two-toned tail.
Regardless, your story is a good read, and I look forward to the following chapters.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review. Much more to come so I invite you to ride along as my tale unfolds.
Comment from The kurlman
Well, Mr. Brett Matthew West, I do love your story because it is interesting and easy to read. I love the jargon you use. So far the story keeps my attention and I don't have to look up words describing the action. Keep up the good writing. The kurlman
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2018
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Well, Mr. Brett Matthew West, I do love your story because it is interesting and easy to read. I love the jargon you use. So far the story keeps my attention and I don't have to look up words describing the action. Keep up the good writing. The kurlman
Comment Written 02-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2018
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I know, I am way behind in my replies, however, my online has been extremely limited lately. I do appreciate your comments and support.
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No promb, partnar, The kurlman
Comment from apky
Even if it should have come before, the reader still enjoyed the chapter as is.
No spags that I could detect. The plot continued to race and is sprinkled with a variety of intriguing situations.
The pace of the story - which is what impresses me most in it - is still great. And that air of mystery remains intact too. I find myself eager to find out what will happen next, if not what is happening anyway.
All in all, I enjoyed it and found it entertaining. No spags that I could detect. The plot continued to race and is sprinkled with a variety of intriguing situations.
Very well done, Brett. I look forward to the next post.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2018
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Even if it should have come before, the reader still enjoyed the chapter as is.
No spags that I could detect. The plot continued to race and is sprinkled with a variety of intriguing situations.
The pace of the story - which is what impresses me most in it - is still great. And that air of mystery remains intact too. I find myself eager to find out what will happen next, if not what is happening anyway.
All in all, I enjoyed it and found it entertaining. No spags that I could detect. The plot continued to race and is sprinkled with a variety of intriguing situations.
Very well done, Brett. I look forward to the next post.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from Debbie Pope
I just read your comments. I am amazed that you prose writers have these chapters in your head. You could jump into the next chapter because you knew what was supposed to be in it. Truly amazing. I have read several chapters and know Verne fairly well. I enjoyed this chapter as I have done the others. Good luck with your book.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2018
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I just read your comments. I am amazed that you prose writers have these chapters in your head. You could jump into the next chapter because you knew what was supposed to be in it. Truly amazing. I have read several chapters and know Verne fairly well. I enjoyed this chapter as I have done the others. Good luck with your book.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Much appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Wetbelly01
Yeah, I'm a newcomer... If you don't mind
I'd like to stick around to see how tis story plays out...
Didn't see any problems with it so far...
My compliments!
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2018
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Yeah, I'm a newcomer... If you don't mind
I'd like to stick around to see how tis story plays out...
Didn't see any problems with it so far...
My compliments!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2018
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Appreciate your review and the support.
Comment from F. Wehr3
This is the first part of this book I've read, but I enjoyed what you have here. I stumbled a bit here and there, being new to the characters and all. I made a couple of notes as I read. Please consider the following.
Verne walked in the Silver Cent.--You do a great job with your descriptive detail in this chapter, but I thought this sentence fell flat. It's my first time to the saloon, so I'd like to see a bit more. Maybe you've already addressed this in an earlier chapter. Does the Silver cent have one of those double swinging slatted doors? You know the kind that sway? Sorry, I went off on a tangent. My recommendation if you've addressed the setting previously is to change walked to a more descriptive verb. Verne moseyed on over to the Silver Cent.
I wished Verne would shoot the dern clavier. -- I noticed most of the action takes place outside of Wyatt's sight. Is he reflecting back? Otherwise the POV isn't as tight as I 'd like. Kind of like, how can you witness a story when you weren't there.
When Isabell won a little cash her eyes lit up and she'd laugh a bit. --Suggest a comma after cash and before and.
to bed down on our place for the night." --Maybe, at our place?
Overall, I enjoyed this part, Brett. It makes me want to read more.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2018
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This is the first part of this book I've read, but I enjoyed what you have here. I stumbled a bit here and there, being new to the characters and all. I made a couple of notes as I read. Please consider the following.
Verne walked in the Silver Cent.--You do a great job with your descriptive detail in this chapter, but I thought this sentence fell flat. It's my first time to the saloon, so I'd like to see a bit more. Maybe you've already addressed this in an earlier chapter. Does the Silver cent have one of those double swinging slatted doors? You know the kind that sway? Sorry, I went off on a tangent. My recommendation if you've addressed the setting previously is to change walked to a more descriptive verb. Verne moseyed on over to the Silver Cent.
I wished Verne would shoot the dern clavier. -- I noticed most of the action takes place outside of Wyatt's sight. Is he reflecting back? Otherwise the POV isn't as tight as I 'd like. Kind of like, how can you witness a story when you weren't there.
When Isabell won a little cash her eyes lit up and she'd laugh a bit. --Suggest a comma after cash and before and.
to bed down on our place for the night." --Maybe, at our place?
Overall, I enjoyed this part, Brett. It makes me want to read more.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 24-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2018
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Thanks for another incredible review. Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. The POV used is 1st Person Omniscient, not 1st Person Limited. I have been sitting on responding to this one so I could keep a promise I made.
Comment from Rasmine
Brett,
I know you don't remember the story, that is why I added you, not because of Cody. Well, it's 52 member cents. I'm just not into Westerns that much.
I found a typo:
From out of the darkness, an (a, an is used when the next word begins with a vowel) prairie dog raced past Verne's boots.
TC
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Brett,
I know you don't remember the story, that is why I added you, not because of Cody. Well, it's 52 member cents. I'm just not into Westerns that much.
I found a typo:
From out of the darkness, an (a, an is used when the next word begins with a vowel) prairie dog raced past Verne's boots.
TC
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Okay. If you will tell me the name of the story I will read it.
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The Eidolon. Hope you finish it someday!
Comment from judiverse
Verne seems to understand Patch's situation and gives him a gold piece. Patch is fond of gambling, must have lost his money that way. You great a great atmosphere with your description of Pecos Valley at night. Funny about Abigail's loud and repetitious playing of "Camptown Races." Verne seems attracted to Isabell in part because she reminds him of another woman, Esther, who turned him down. This seems rather a quiet chapter, no doubt to be followed by some interesting action. A nice balance. judi
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2018
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Verne seems to understand Patch's situation and gives him a gold piece. Patch is fond of gambling, must have lost his money that way. You great a great atmosphere with your description of Pecos Valley at night. Funny about Abigail's loud and repetitious playing of "Camptown Races." Verne seems attracted to Isabell in part because she reminds him of another woman, Esther, who turned him down. This seems rather a quiet chapter, no doubt to be followed by some interesting action. A nice balance. judi
Comment Written 20-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. My attempt is to develop real strong characters prior to getting into the so called "meat" of the tale. Appreciate your continued support and comments.
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You're welcome. Some people want to race through their novels. I think you're wise taking more time so you can set the scene and establish characters. judi
